Mrs Dougherty’s Boy (written by Pensioner & read at the AGPU)
Hashers at the Bowly, all with beer in hand,
Laughin loud at Streaker, who hadn’t yet been banned.
Luv Mussell called for order, Pea Beau at his side,
Drooling over Quickee, whose tits he had just spied.
Corgi said to Daffodil “Look at that old perve”
Daff said “Doesn’t matter, his cock’s lost all it’s nerve!”
Pensioner checked out Golden Showers, running for the bar,
Mango yelled out “Settle down, or you’ll end up with a scar”
Moaning from behind the bar had the hashers gathered round,
Cummalot was crying “Oh Blurry”, and writhing on the ground.
“Blurry’s gone” said Tonguer, “he won’t be back for years,
Let me help you out, I’ll just lubricate my ears”
Dragon Lady grabbed a drink, and quickly sculled it down,
Baagoose was dribbling shit again, but then began to frown.
“Tarzan” said he, “I have a problem, which just won’t go away,
“I haven’t had a hard-on since the seventeenth of May”
“Viagra!” shouted Tarzan, and Viagra yelled out “What?”
“Sorry” said old Tarzan, I just thought you were Snot!”
Zorro stuck his nose in, to see what the fuss was about,
McFanny wheezed in Scottish, something about a drought.
Smegma fell off his barstool, landed flat on his back,
Paw Paw laughed and pointed, out his shorts hung a sack,
Of purple balls with pinkish veins, wobbling all around,
69 Degrees laughed so hard she toppled to the ground.
Radish couldn’t stand the sight and quickly turned away,
Show Us yelled out “Show Us ya Flaps!” and Flaps turned slightly grey.
Now during all these shenanigans, Golly just quietly stared,
At an old Irish mother, who didn’t seem prepared,
To put up with noise and nonsence, from her own hash running son,
To put an end to this bullshit, she’d come packing a gun.
But she hadn’t reckoned on Raggedy Anne, ready for the fray,
With backup from the local biker…..our very own Driptray!
Meanwhile Delicious was very busy getting out the puppies,
And Nicka Licker licked his lips, and Knothead picked his herpes.
Teflon watched the Irish Mother slowly pull her gun,
Boom n Bust said “Fucken hell, this don’t look like fun”
Then just in time, Prick ran up, and quickly took control,
“What’re ya doin with a gun, ya fuckin Irish mole?”
“Irish mole, ya fuckin Prick, I’ll do ya in for that!”
And luckily Hotrocks ran up, just in time to stop the crap….
“Now Mammy,” said Rocks, “Tell me, what the hell ya doin here?”
“Arr Rocks me boy” said the Irish mum, “I’ve some news you’ll want to hear…”
“You remember Mrs Clancy from down the lane, ah tis terrible but true,
This is what happened at church last Sunday, in front of all the crew…..
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”
She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. Me husband passed away last night.”
The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”
She says, “Aye, that he did, Father…”
“He said, ‘Jaysus, Mary, put down that fookin gun…”
