Run Date: 28.06.2021
Run No: 2122
Hare: Pensioner & Mango
Venue: 12 Douglas Crescent, Rural View
Hashers: 16

Please find my rushed and poorly cobbled together offering below: Run Report Sixteen cold, tucked-up individuals were met with miserable and blustery conditions on the top of the Douglas Crescent hill. There was a surprise appearance from Knicker Licker who has recently undergone surgery for a bionic knee and was eager to illustrate his athleticism later by standing up in the circle – with those obvious powers of healing, is no surprise that he’s taken to death-defying stunts later in life – what a legend!! Pensioner gathered the highly expectant participants in the driveway of Pensioner’s & Mango’s palatial palace for pre-run directions. Some sneering murmurs suggested that marks were likely to be few and far between based on Pensioner’s previous efforts – turns out, they were right. Most were unaware of the great 2021 chalk drought. However, surprisingly, there was a false trail, and everyone fell for it (without exception), although Bargoose’s tardiness in arriving late turned out to be strategic master-stroke, and he went from a long way last to handsomely first upon the call of “on-back”. Some front runners made their own trail (or as it appeared) in the absence of any marks and the rest followed mindlessly. Turns out, they were on the money, with the discovery of one of the very few marks on the way home – so it all worked out well, as by the time the front runners had returned, the fire pit was blazing and Mango had lashings of simmering hot pastries to bring up the core temperature. Upon formation of the circle, following a brief trip down memory lane, Pensioners “economically” marked trail was raised with a level of bravado, and in true Pensioner style, shrugged his shoulders and told everyone to build a bridge. There were a few fines, mainly Pensioner, even fewer jokes – Reece was given a down-down as a returning runner and the circle was closed in the usual manner before tucking into a raft of culinary delights expertly prepared by Mango. The evening was finished off with a Tim Tam and a beer or cider chaser before the crowd dispersed to slip into their flannelette pyjamas.
On On Smut

Run Date 21/6/21    
Run No 2121
Hare: Golly and Raggedy Ann
Venue: 4 Trochus Crt, Shoal Point
Hashers: 21

 

21 peeps turned up at the beachside abode of Golly and Raggedy Ann to enjoy the Winter Solstice (actually a day early, but who cares?)

Golly ushered us out to the front, and tried to explain the marks were arrows on the right hand side of the road, whilst pointing to an arrow on the left. Off the tribe marched, and soon realized this trail consisted of multiple checks, which confused the mob somewhat. Eventually though, after a trip down to the beach and a pisstop in the dark, the mob began to dribble back to the start, where Raggedy produced some nibblies, including party quiches and sausage rolls. The fire was lit as the beers were tasted, and the banter about nuthin was dribbled, until The Monk bellowed out something about a circle.

Some modern day history was offered including the little known fact that John Lee Hooker died on this day

in 2001, aged 83. Who? I hear you ask? Look him up on YouTube, one of The Blues greats.

In the absence of any stories, Blurry decided to tell a joke.  Which left everyone puzzled. Flavio and Giovanni made another appearance, then it was time for some charges, most of which I forget, although Matches was awarded The Dildo, which seemed to amuse her.  Zorro’s brother received a down down for being Zorro’s brother, along with returning hasher, whose name escapes me.

Returning from Airlie Beach that morning, TopKnot picked up a hitch hiker, who TopKnot decided would make a good pet, so took him home. Then brought him to Hash. Said hitch hiker was a Frenchman named Francois. (of course), who was awarded a down down for being there. And no, he had absolutely no idea what was happening. (Sacre Bleu, you Aussies)

Circle over, it was time for nosh…. Pumpkin soup with bread, and savoury mince with more bread, settled the stomachs of the mob, along with more sips of favourite drinkies, until we all wandered off into the sunset….. sunset? No, it was very dark.

Another fine night was had by all.

See ya next week at the house on the hill. Did I say hill?

Pensioner.

Run Date 14/6/21    
Run No #2120
Hare: Screw
Venue: 80A Maple Dr., Andergrove
Hashers: 28

28 Hashers arrived at Screws and Forks place on a very hot and humid  winters night,
we were given instructions that the marks were in chalk , and on the right, very well marked, easy to follow, which led us to a Piss stop at Paw Paws, great brew, then on home, to cool down after a very sweaty 🥵 walk, After having a snack of little Frankfurt’s, Circle was called, Down Downs were given to the Hare, and 2 virgin runners, here for Zorros 60th, Hashy Birthday to streaker and Zorro, a few jokes, Circle closed, Hash Nosh served, yummy Pea and Ham soup, served with Garlic and cheese bread, Dessert was Rockyroad and chocolate biscuits, After a lot of chatter and drinks, we all headed  home, Thanks Fork and Screw for a great night,
On On
Raggedy Ann and Golly.
See you all at our Beach House,

Run Date: 7/6/21    
Run No #2119
Hare: Jenny Craig’s Fucked
Venue: Hamilton Street, Nth Mackay
Hashers: 27

27 keen Hashers arrived at JCF’s work abode, all ready to attack the awaiting trail. JCF gave us the usual bullshit spiel, then pointed to turn left and follow the chalk and flour marks,  (by the amount of marks, he must have stolen the 1 piece of chalk, probably some unsuspecting school kid.  There would not have been enough flour to make 1 scone).

The trail headed down to the BP Servo, then up the back along the edge of the mangroves, then down into the mangroves. A coupleof wise old Hashers Golly and Screw, who headed straight to the Piss Stop, then on home. The hash esky was attackex with great gusto.

The circle was called and the Monk dished out the just desserts: 1 The hare JCF; 2  Visiting hashers,Weak As, Horse & Metro, all leftovers from Cutlery’s weekend run; 3  Charges were called, some fool of a hasher tried to charge the Monk, which ended in dismall failure, then  Blo Jo triex to charge just about everybody there, which ended the same way

Jokes were told, a couple of good ones, can’t remember who told them. The circle was getting restless,  the song was sung, circle closed.

Hash nosh was served and very tasty, sketty bog, bread and tattees. When last drinks was callex, a mad stampede to the esky caused a jam.

By this time I’d had enough and toddled of home.

Hope to see you all next Monday 14^th at 80a Maple Drive, Andergrove. 

OnOn Screw

Run Date: 31^st May 2021     
Run No #2118
Hare: Lassie & Tonto
Venue:  Bucasia
Hashers: 23

 

We gathered at St Bees, the abode of Lassie and Tonto for run 2118 after a huge Saturday working hard to eat, drink and be merry on Saturday at the Progressive Dinner. The talk of the town was the food from Saturday and whilst many of us including the writer, are suffering +7’s blood sugar, many were still stunned at the quantity and quality of the food at both runs.

 
I for one can vouch the $35 and $15 cost of attendance respectively proved to be fantastic value. The people in attendance too were world class with the Saturday formal black and white affair proving a great success. Unfortunately, the standard of tardy dress prevailed at run 2118!

With more than 50 people attending the events combined, one could comment that MH3 members support the regular and special events run by the club. Good work and many thanks to those who worked tirelessly to feed everyone should also be said at both events. Well done peeps.

With all that said and I am certain you all agree, we move forward to next week’s run to be held at 3 O’Loughlan Street North Mackay, look for the timber fence on the corner and feel free to park inside!

Tonto should also be congratulated for providing two trails and a false piss stop at the Monday run, lesson learnt is don’t cross paths on a trail because as sure as shit MH3 short cutting bastards will find the on home in the shortest way.

The writer was supplied photos of the Progressive Dinner to publish but in the true spirit of laziness, he cant find the fuckers anywhere and as he is hastily writing reports prior to pissing off to Yeppoon for the weekend, his care factor is very obvious. So please feel free to imagine Distillery and Del wearing outrageous shit, Zorro wearing a suit and hat looking as his namesake, many others looking dapper in their best dressed and of course who will ever forget chef extraordinaire Flaps in his amazing suit fashioned off a black Harlem pimp! Pity his girls were all on annual leave otherwise… well….

Furthermore, Monday not to be left as a regular Monday saw some comedy festival quality jokes, professionally sung hash songs, bloody legends in attendance and masterchef supplied food. Has to be the by far the best 2118 run ever! Well done.

With that said I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend and hope to see you over the weekend or if not Monday! JCF

 

 

   

    

  

 

       

       

   

 

Run Date: 24th May, 2021
Run No #2117
Hares: Zorro and Matches
Venue:  70 Satellite Crescent, Mackay Harbour
Hashers: 24

The Hashers all arrived and the dribble started, After all the greetings were done, Zorro set us of in the usual direction, Harbour Road, then it was left ,right , left, to which an On back was found!

Then suddenly headlights were shining on us,  A PISS STOP !!!, right next to an old steam train in the middle of nowhere !!

Must have took him a bit to move it there ha ha ha ! shooters were set up on a little table, but first we had to have a squirt of cream in our mouths YUMMIE !!!!! then yours truly said can I have some more ?  Big Mistake##

As Zorro filled my whole mouth with cream and the kaluha ran down the back of my throat and nearly  choked me#

Photos were taken by the train, then On Home was called.

Then back home at the ranch, nibberlies were had, before the circle was called by the monk, rambling something about  what happened in 2017,

Hares were charged for an ordinary run , but a fantastic piss stop!! and the y still got a shitty song ??

Down Downs were given to Picalo and Delicious for sitting in the circle finishing their smokes. ( Whoops ) Delish doesn’t smoke anymore ###

Baagoose for not telling anyone it was his birthday, 3 weeks ago.

Jokes from Tonguer Smut and whoever else, can’t remember. Circle closed Hash song sang, without the help of

Of Pensioners delightful voice##

Hash Nosh was served, beautifully cooked potatoes with  a great pot of sausage stew, (take note Prick ) VERY YUMMIE !!!!

Followed by biscuits for desert. Great fun night,

Thanks Zorro and Matches.

Then it was time to go home to our own little beds!

ON ON till Saturday for the Progressive dinner where we can all fill our guts and drink ourselves stupid#####

ON ON Streaker

Run Date: 17th May, 2021
Run No #2116
Hare: Distillery
Venue:  Tropical Avenue 

Hashers: 20+

True to form it rained at Honorable GM’s place.

 

Exercise lesson.

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.

The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial – strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. 

Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface, like a grass path. 

“Gentlemen, remember – you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both”

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?” said the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag?”

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

(THIS LEVEL OF SENSITIVITY CAN’T BE TAUGHT)

Run Date: 10.05.2021
Run No: 2115
Hare: Prick
Venue: BBQ Area behind Goosies Bowls Club, North Mackay
Hashers: 20
HHHi Hashers

Everyone dribbled on in as if there was no tomorrow, then Prick called everyone to the
walkway with instructions that the run was 3.142 km precisely. Then waffled on about
some Pie, which I thought was what we were having for dinner, which also turned out to be
true! But on further investigation our very learned Prick was actually spouting on about the
following Pi……
“It is the circumference of any circle, divided by its diameter. Nobody knows its exact value,
because no matter how many digits you calculate it to, the number never ends. For most
practical uses, you can assume in decimal form, the value of Pi is approximately 3.142”.
You’re never too old to learn something new.
Corgi was of course back first, even after taking two false trails, but not all the false trails
apparently as Golly found out when his charge was reversed. Dips and crackers and a large
pot of potatoes, herbs and butter were consumed – without salt! The Hash Cash was
collected, while Flaps was taking main meal preferences for the Progressive Dinner. If you
wish to attend on Saturday the 29th May. Let us know and have your $35.00 paid by the
24.05.2021 – Theme “Black & White”. It should be a great afternoon/evening, we have 18
currently on the list as attending.

Smut then called the circle for a 5-minute start and promptly disappeared! Leaving our stand
in Monkee, wondering where the hell he went. Moving on regardless, the hare received his
down down. But it was no “S.H.I.T.T.Y. Trail song for him, but filled with adventure, with
hardly any hills and not much shiggy, or was that the other way around Pensioner? Our Hash
Choir was digging some great songs out of his big black book, and he does not have a half bad
voice either – good work JCF.
Streaker & Teflon were charged by Zorro, for the very loud high-pitched barking from Donny
at his excitement to see Penny. Reminding everyone there are no dogs or poofs in Hash…..
Yeah right!!! Then we had Baagoose or Wheelie, not sure who was the instigator, crash
tackled Top Knot in the corner, which looked very much like an all-in rugby scrum to me.
Luckily no one appeared to be hurt, and I didn’t spot any claret, someone must have just got
tired of standing in the circle. Tonguer told a story, and then I heard Happy Mother’s Day,
followed by if Mum is not in the mood, we have to thank Dad, or some such rot.
Then our honourable Monk appeared from the darkness, fully robed for a naming. Lisa was
asked to kneel and after some deliberation about chook fucker already being taken, and then
moving on to her Japanese heritage, with further mention of maybe Kamikaze or Sushi as
possible names. We were presented with Maneki Pussy – derived from the Maneki Neko
Lucky Cat of Japan, and that Maneki means beckoning….. hhmmmm interesting!
Maneki Pussy then arose and did the rounds being welcomed officially to Mackay Hash House
Harriers.
Executive Lunch was decided at the Austral Hotel, next week’s run is from 117 Tropical
Avenue, Andergrove. Please bring extra cash as a new raffle will be starting with a $50.00
Dan Murphy Voucher up for grabs.
Smut then decided we needed to have a history lesson from 2015, bloody hell, I can
remember something about a VW Car, Johnny Depp and Boo & Pistol, a hole heap of politics
that meant nothing to me, and then the song was sung and the circle closed.
The aforementioned pies were then served up with home-made mushy peas, and a choice of
sauces, very nice. We then all sat around waffling rubbish to each other whilst partaking in
the Hash Esky until we all went home to bed.
On On
Delicious

Run Date: 3rd May 2021
Run No. #2114
Hare : Piccolo
Venue: 82 Grendon Street
Hashers: 19 

19 Hashers on a mild evening after the Townsville Run at the weekend. What could go wrong? As it turned out; nothing! We assembled at Piccolo’s abode around a smoking apology for a fire. This was soon fixed after the arrival of Firebug Corgi, who in 2 minutes fixed 2 hours of fire incompetence. The ensuing blaze threatened the neighbouring properties so we all headed for the street pretending that the fire was nothing to do with us. The late arrival of Topknot and Wheelie was met with a relieved sigh as it signalled the arrival of the hash piss. 

Envelopes were distributed to the group and we headed along the streets, levees and byways of North Mackay. Finally a turn back along Canberra Street then on home to Grendon Street again. Very hilly, very wet, very muddy. Not. 

Beers were served, nibbles and then the circle which was run by Smut. A few jokes, a few down downs and then a terrific Hash Nosh. Noodles with a couple of side dishes, baked brownies and dissertation from Bar Goose re the carbon footprint of Australians compared with Asia. A sobering moment for us all. A few more beers capped off the evening. A great evening.

ON ON. PRICK.