Run Date: 22nd July 2019
Hare: Snot
Venue: 36 Napier Street South Mackay
Hashers: 24 

 

Oh what a lovely run. The beautiful regions of South Mackay- AKA The Hood – were to be explored on a fine clear and warm Monday night. The venue was the deceased estate of DB which had been tastefully redecorated by Insex and Snot, our intrepid Hares. 

A warming fire in the backyard on a warm evening was a good index of the night to come. Thoughts of congealed chips of years gone by stimulated the nausea of all Harriers/ etts .

Off through the back lanes, alleys, walkways and streets of the Hood we went following the odd chalk mark and often nothing for hundreds of metres. Just as expected. A piss stop at Pants place and then the group broke in two – the trail mob and the SCB. A good run.

The down downs were administered, and followed by a great feed of nibbles, spuds in butter and garlic then bangers and sauerkraut on bread. Must have been done by Insex because it sure didn’t come from the Chip Fucker.

After the tucker we has a chat, a few beers and then it was on home to Mummy.

Next run is Prick’s from the BBQ area on the Gooseponds behind Norths Bowls Club.

Cheers Prick

 

Run Date: 15th July 2019
Hares: McFanny
Venue: 13 Grasstrail Street Andergrove.
Hashers: 30ish

 

As i crossed the Forgan bridge heading to the dark side i looked at the pink sky and said to Insex this is going to be a cold run. She responded with your not McWrong there.

We parked where we could and assembled in the rear of McF’s abode where about 30 souls and a dozen McDogs mulled around with the expectation of a marvelous run.

@ 6.10 we approached the go line (front of the house) The usual lies about chalk, tape and toilet paper to denote the trail. Then..we were off left then right then across the roundabout and right into the flood mitigation channel which traverses McAndergloom . This channel has a set of storm pipes underneath and every few hundred meters is a grate to allow water to enter. Wheelie Bin has a new pusher in Bend  Over they found one of these grates and the front wheels of Wheelie’s chariot fit nicely between the grill it was very amusing for McScrew and myself for a bit there.

But i digress, now on on it was on chalk well marked.  No sooner had we cleared stage 1 drain and the front runners…McPrick , Mc Blurry,McDaffodil and McCorgi were seen coming down Bedford Road.  Not afraid of a bit of short cutting we cracked a right and joined them turning right into Newton Street. A surprise awaited, we weren’t far down Newton street and there were the front runners coming back towards us . We found marks leading us up the garden path then on left and left again into Domino Court this then did a left into Newton street and left again into the said same garden path . It is here that we could all have perished following an endless loop. After a circuit or two all decided that the lure of beer at 15 Grasstrail was more important than following trail.

A fire awaited as did nibbles and cold beer. Circle called , McFanny was given her just desserts to be consumed out of polystyrene cups because the Monk, McMango forgot the drinking vessels.  I was fortunate not to be involved in the martial dispute between her and McPensioner over whose  duty it was to bring the said articles to Hash. McPensioner being a staunch unionist immediately ended proceedings with “not my job”  At this point my beer was empty so luckily i received a down down  for something about a hat.  A few jokes were told however none fell to the standard set by McKnothead..

When the food arrived the ravenous hordes consumed the meal with gusto and I’ve never seen McPiccolo eat so much.  I believe she even stopped smoking for feast. We then had upside down pineapple cake for dessert and an unconfirmed report having McBlurry return for a 4th helping.

I overheard McHalf a Boat promising to take us all on a trip to  XXXX Island (or similar) on his Catamaran on the 8th August.  Not long after this he announced I’ll fuk em up in a minute I’m taking the piss home to catch the tide. That was enough for me so I instructed my driver, McInsex to fetch me another coldie for the homeward trip to the bright side.

Next weeks Run 2029 will be from 36 Napier Street South Mackay.

This was once the home of  two of our dearly departed runners DB and Shattered. As I’ve had enough of tenants the home is being sold so this is a commemorative last run from this address and if you can all bring a plant for the garden we will have a planting ceremony (to help me sell the place easier)  Hooker please bring a buyer along. In the  true tradition of the 90s there may be 10 cartons of XXXX heavy to be consumed by 9pm then off to Wilkies or the Palace to party till 2am  then drive  home to be ready for work in a few hours time

ON ON

SNOT

Run Date: 8th July 2019
Hares: Pensioner & Mango 
Venue: 12 Douglas Crescent Rural View 
Hashers: 22

 

So, 22 not so young or fit intrepid hashers showed up for the run. I think the grey clouds kept some away. 

The group not moving from the fire or eskies increasing every week. 

Those that headed off scattered after the first down hill marks. Some actually followed trail n ended up in some bush, close to water and then we hit road. This was followed by more hills and a scamper accross the paddock to on home. 

Thanks to Mango we had nibbles with our first beers followed by the circle. 

Can I ask you lot to get it together with the jokes please..at least Pensioner wrote his down 😀. Flaps has been excelling in the joke department, he must have too much time on his hands- 10 out 10 for the laughs though..thanks Flaps. The rest of you shape up please. 

JCF drove away not only the mozzies with his smoking ceremony of Teflons tax documents, most hashers dispersed too! We needed Corgi to get the fire going as several hashers attempted and failed. Those documents weighed heavy in the wood with nit a flame in sight. 

There were charges, Teflon, myself, Pensioner and Mango blah blah..I must have been talking, very unusual for me. 

Teflon attempted a drone photo shoot from the balcony, not sure how that turned out. 

On came the tucker after a mottly attempt at the hash song. 

What a feast. Yummy potato bake and savoury mince and to top it off chocolate biscuits…no wonder we all couldnt make it up n down those hills. 

So with bellies full of food and beer with not a mozzie in sight we meandered up yet another hill…the driveway, to waddle home. 

On On to McFannys next week 

 

 

Run Date: 1st July 2019
Hare: Knicker Licker
Venue: Unit 6, 16 Dolby Street North Mackay 
Hashers: 31

31 brave hashers turned out on a cool evening to chew the fat, and stir up the neighbour’s dogs.
After milling about in various groups, Knicker called the throng to order and began issuing instructions, mostly unheard by those who wouldn’t stop nattering. Apparently, according to Knicker, there was chalk and survey tape to be found, all in the direction of some canefields. So, off we went, and immediately the women in the crew began swearing loudly about prickles, snakes and crocodiles. Pfffttt! Nuthin to worry about. After dicing with the traffic on Sam’s Road, the pack disappeared into the cane, and quickly became disoriented and confused by the lack of markers. I managed to find a trail that miraculously led me back to the beer. The other mob continued with their cane farmer impersonations, and merged into the gloom. They turned up later, in dribs and drabs, with several different versions of where they’d been.

Knicker dived inside and produced a tray of home-made mini pies, with 3 different sauces (spicy!) to calm the boisterous mob, whilst the HashCash was collected. Much banter was chucked about, until the Monkee…. yes, the missing Monkee made a triumphant return…. called the mob to order and the circle began. A down down for the hare for setting such a shitty trail was quickly followed by another coz he was thirsty! Some more charges were laid and refuted by the guilty, but still we saw Hotty and D.T. downing a combined effort for something they may or may not have done. There was a birthday down down for someone ( can’t remember who), and Hooker received a keyring and drink for finally amassing 100 runs over a 25 year period. A few jokes were told, and then Flaps floored us with a magnificent rendition on marriage, ending with a word you shouldn’t call your wife if you want her to remain said wife! Finally Zorro was charged, because he looked guilty. Circle closed with a stirring rendition of the hash song, which the neighbour’s dogs enjoyed immensely.

Knicker dived into the kitchen, and produced  2  big trays of his special fried rice, and a big pot of curried chook, hot enough to warm the bellies of the mob. More yackin and bullshit followed until finally HashPiss took the beer away, and the remaining mob decided to call it quits, but not before loading the fire with enough wood to keep Knicker up (and warm) all night.

Bring your togs next week for a dip in our imaginary pool. Roller Blades optional, as there’s not many hills around 12 Douglas Cres Rural View.

Pensioner.

Run Date: 24th June 2019
Hare: Tarzan
Venue: 4 Evans Ave North Mackay
Hashers: 30

 

Once again, a none too bright Xsection of the community gathered together in gonad/ovary freezing weather to try and recreate the memory of their long lost youth. This included 29 hashers and me who was only there because someone has to produce a oracle of the evenings proceedings. As usual the antics of this diverse gathering produced far too many misdemeanors for a précis of the event.     Let us start with the Hare, the event started with him clutching a ream of gobally gook notes supposedly, cryptic clues, which he kept to himself and only doled out sparingly to create totally confusing directions. The reason for this soon became obvious because we ended up taking the longest false trail in the history of Mackay Hash. It was cunningly hidden with the promise of a piss stop but the fact remains we had to venture  across the river to the dark side to get that drink only to be told “that’s it, the end of the run now  piss off back to the On on” I might point out another confusing aspect of the run,  I only saw two people who actually ran :- Blow Jo and Uturn which suggests they were bloody thirsty.     

So back along the trail to the On on only to find that the Esky was considerably depleted by the time I arrived and the usual conversations, lies and bullshit were in full swing.  When a pause in the prattle finally occurred, the circle was called, and the hare Tarzan was deservedly fined for the longest false trail   ever. Then the various hashers were fined for their misdemeanors Zorro Snot and I think Streaker also interestingly the stand in monkey (hot rocks) seemed to manage the cop about every third down down. joke of the night goes to Snot for his rendition of the stuttering cat. The circle was closed by the usual Mackay hash song only to be topped by a solo effort by Blurry of the new hash version of the national anthem.

The mountain of nosh was served and was ravaged by the ravenous hoards ( expect Piccolo)  but when the flock of seagulls had dispersed there was the most amazing sight I have ever seen at Mackay hash  THERE WAS STILL FOOD LEFT even Piccolo was able to go back for seconds. Not long after the crowd started to disperse and waddle off to their various modes of transport.

There was unfortunately one episode that occurred during the evening when one of our very regular hashers was subjected to hurtful innuendos which were both demeaning and embarrassing. This sort of behavior is not acceptable at hash.  I have reframed from mentioning names out of respect to the victim, but I will not accept this sort of behavior and will not tolerate it at my run next week as the protagonist is not welcome.

To end on a happier note the evening was great you have set a hard act for me to follow next week.

On on   Nicka    

Shenanigans from the evening 

 

Run Date: 17th June 2019
Hare: Blo Jo
Venue: Blurry’s, Cnr Peel & Alfred sts
Hashers: 23

 

Here we are again Mon night this time 23 superbly  fit athletes turned up at Blurry’s joint for an exillerating run thru the city.To my personal disbelief the pre run g-up suggested that would be 2 piss stops.However this turned out to be true.Nice one B.J. Then ON ON past some fools trying to impress us with their boxing skills.I knew immediately It was a trick.N0 hashers can do that stuff.Circle was called with the customary jokes,charges etc.The usual culprits were charged for various reasons,JCF,Zorro,Snot.Lots of birthday songs as well Streaker,Zorro,Daffodil plus 1 more sorry can’t remember who but I forgot U-Turn,tomorrow same as Zorro.Nosh was eagerly gobbled down by the hordes followed by special Irish  dessert.Hash song sung & circle closed.See ya next week at the Tarboys abode. ON ON.

PS for last nights run written hurriedly by yours truly. Other birthday recipient was Half a Boat. Also our illustrious GM Streaker for diving fiercely into the first piss stop. Still thirsty no doubt from her hash piss- up on Sat night.
ON ON The TARBOY.

Run Date: 10th June 2019
Hare: Teflon 
Venue: 37 Mango Ave Eimeo
Hashers: 28

 

So a rowdy bunch of 28 Hashers gathered at Teflons beachfront abode with expectations that “she who is super organized” would deliver her usual standard ………..and they weren’t disappointed.

Welcoming lights & a blazing fire set the scene for a great night.

Out the front for the instructions! On On you Hashy bastards turn R onto Mango Ave..

McFanny took the lead with McTavish and Little Ted on a well planned envelope run only to come home disenchanted that clue #11 envelope had gone missing and the mob wouldn’t partake in the extended trail leading to nowhere! Thankfully Viagra had found Clue #11 on the road and picked it up! Those that did all #11 clue envelope run, enjoyed it. Not too long, not too hilly, not too short, but just right! (just like Goldilock’s porridge) 

Those short cutting bastards JFC & Zorro recon they made it to #2 stop but frankly I’m suspicious! And then there’s the author who’s been using sickness as an excuse not to attempt the run for weeks & of course there those that make no attempt any week. Honestly what’s Hash coming too??? Thank God the grog & grub is good! 

The usual amount of bad jokes & bad manners went on throughout a disorderly circle with one of the highlights being that we got to toast out illustrious Grand Master Streaker for her upcoming birthday. Happy Hashy Birthday Streaker X

Teflon outdid herself with the nosh: entree- chips & LBD’s gobbled greedily by both sexes: main-  delicious curry finished with all the trimmings. Finished off with a choice of chocolate biscuits ended another great Hash gathering,  of all sorts of misfits of society

ON! ON! Hooker

 

Run Date: 3rd June 2019
Hare: Delicious
Venue: 117 Tropical Ave Andergrove
Hashers: A massive 30!

 

Hashers arrived at Delicious’s place, putting their Tu Tu’s on out the front – too worried if pulled over by the Cops what might be said of them? 

A good turn out of colours too, I might add. Pink, blue, yellow, aqua, red and even a Black one. GM couldn’t decide so chose a rainbow one!

New reflective bands were given out to those that didn’t get one last week, in keeping with our new safety practices. 

Out the front for the instructions, meet at the Piss Stop and Delicious will give us further details from there. She assured us we would ALL make it to the Piss Stop and that we did! Yummy piss too!

Well she had 3 x pieces of paper, broke it down to Small, Medium or Large runs (short, medium or long) and you chose what pack you wanted to be in. All you needed was a person that could read the mud map and a torch.  

Off we dispersed and found ourselves all over the shop! Yelling out from one side of Bedford to the other, BUT lucky we could see one another with our reflective ankle and wrist bands on.

Back at the ranch, Delicious had provided the nibbles which included Fairy Bread of course. 

Circle called, down down for Delicious, as JCF called Best trail ever but still a ‘shitty trail’

McFanny had her ‘Everready batteries’ charged and prattled on about Hashers not being able to follow instructions, JCF said she hadn’t had a whinge for 6 weeks and in the midst the Monk was asking if there was actually a charge involved? Can’t even remember if there was? McFanny still prattling on about getting her Citizenship next Straya Day!

Then McFanny drew us all and particularly Viagra into her story, about not knowing the difference between a Camel Toe and a ……(will leave it there)

Prick was glad to be back amongst the ‘crazies’ with the chatter, bad jokes and tu tus.

Charge for Baagoose as returning runner.

Award was given to Raggedy Ann for 300 runs. Congrats Raggedy Ann. Thermos mug with her named engraved. 

Virgin Runner Gaynor (friend of BT’s) was welcomed into the circle, Destiny dildo was given to McFanny which goes with the Camel Toe story.

Nothing like a sausage sizzle with the trimmings, as 30 Hashers took their turn in the line-up. Good Hash Nosh. Then a tray of assorted lollies & chocs to top a great night off!

See you next week at Mango Ave. On On Teflon 

The Girls – 

   

The Boys (including Donny) 

BUT WE ALL THOUGHT THE BEST COORDINATED WAS:- 

 

 

Run Date: 27^th May 2019
Run No #2021
Hare: Hooker (with assistance from Jenny Craig’s Fucked)
Venue: 39 Lloyd Street, West Mackay
Hashers: 22 + 1 Stray (Thanks Teflon)

 

Well it’s me again writing the Hash report, let’s hope I can remember some details…. 

We all gathered at Hooker’s new abode, some of us eager to have a good old Captain Cook at the new set up, I must say very nice Hooker. 

Then at 6-ish JCF, called everyone together to explain the trail.  Yep chalk, flour and real pink surveyors’ tape, not sure what the difference is.   Off they set to the hhhmmm left I think, with a last comment about “Dead Men Walking” I assumed you were all heading for the Cemetery.

Late comer Blo Jo, scared the shit out of me turning up late, wanting to know which way they went and how long ago?  She later charged someone in the circle for not waiting until Tonguer arrived to set off, uh huh, we would be still waiting!!!

Hot Rocks (fill-in Hash Piss) returned from taking his ute home, to find the short cutting bastards, injured and lazy, all eagerly awaiting the return of the walkers to get into the hash piss esky.  Meanwhile our Host was busy cooking up burger patties to have with the dipping sauces as a nice nibble on their return.  With so many complaints, can’t start the BBQ, mozzie candle won’t stay lit, outdoor lights aren’t working, and so on on.  

Teflon came back with a stray “Graeme” what the fuck is a Graeme, well turns out he is a “Stop Light” from a Hash long ago.  He returned to give us a lecture on the “Work Out Visibly” Campaign IE: DO NOT BE INVISIBLE.  Hi-lighting the dangers of a group of Hashers mainly in black, walking around the streets at night unseen by motorists!  Stop Light then kindly donated high-vis bands for all to wear, which Streaker announced in the circle later we will be fined next week, if you are not wearing them……

Circle was called several times by Tarzan and our returning Monkee Mango before we all managed to show some interest, she was also charged for not leaving the Hash Mugs with anyone in her 4-week absence.  Pensioner was praised by the GM Streaker, for making sure he had passed on the Hash Cash before his Route 66 adventure.

Jokes from Flaps, Golly, Hooker, JCF and others, I can’t remember all the charges, but included one for Spreadem as a visiting Harriette from Cairns H3.  Zorro for having a fastidious employee who decided to wash his Mackay Fencing ute while parked at a petrol bowser.  Piccolo Pirata and another Harriette (possibly our GM) for talking in the circle.  Knicker Licker for showing up 2 weeks in a row.  Tonto for head butting an Esky and Stop Light and Teflon, just because.  Don’t know where the big Prick was this week (Hotty), and we still haven’t seen the return of the “Hash Dildo of Destiny” (Drip Tray). Hash song sung; circle closed. 

To Corgi, Daffodil, Lassie, Matches, Raggedy Ann and Viagra, you have not been mentioned in the trash until now as I can’t re-call you doing anything to be charged for.  Please lift your game for next week and give us a reason to charge you all for something?  If I have missed anyone out, my apologies I must have had one too many ciders.

Hash Nosh was fabulous and heaps of it, Indian Butter Chicken, and Sweet Potato something with rice as well as fresh bread and butter.  Then we all settled in for a good ol’ drink and chat around the back yard.  A late one for a change, not getting home until 20 to 10pm.

Hope to see you all next week, for Run #2022 at my place, 117 Tropical Avenue, Andergrove.  I expect to see at least 20 Hashers in (2-2’s) Tu Tu’s, and yes JCF you can wear a (4-4) Four Four….

On On

Delicious – Mackay H3 Hash Whip 

 

All gathered at a new address for the Hashers, 8 Palmer Street, a new abode recently acquired by Beer Tap. What a great Hash gathering space it is too! I’m sure that was on the ‘for’s list’ when Beer Tap was making her decision to buy the place.

Out the front for instructions and off we went following the well marked trail. Hashers arriving back in drips and drabs until the flock was secure back in the pen. 

Fire was lit and Hash Cash set herself up with plenty of light to collect funds, which didn’t help when she was counting up numbers as she was convinced there was only 22 and everyone else was convinced there was 23. 

Pea & Ham Soup was served as an entree in Styrofoam cups, to keep us going until after the Circle. Just hit the right spot. 

Circle called:-

Charges laid:- Tarzan charged Flaps – something about Hats in the circle but I’m not sure I got it and I don’t think Flaps did either! but like a true Hasher he took the Charge.
Charge for Nicka as Returning runner. 
Fork charged Blo Jo & Golly, Snot and Piccolo for talking in the Circle. Hashers Talkers song sung (that’s a new one)
Charge for Zorro & Matches caught in a Facebook shot at the Hash Nash kissing. 
Viagra charged Streaker for perfect impersonation of a whinging Pom after her run report last week of his run.

Sincere Condolences to Half a boat whose Mum passed away. He has flown to NZ and as such, GM asked if someone would step us and do the Hash Piss for next week. Thanks to Hottie for offering. 

More Charges to Hottie & Snot for giving GM a hard time. 

Circle closed and Hash Nosh served, mashed potato with curried & slightly chilli sausages, very yummy, but wait there’s more, apple crumble for dessert!

Good work girls, whoever ended up doing the cooking. We shall never know!

On On 
Teflon