Run Date: 24^th July, 2017
Run No #1920
Hare: Prick & Lassie
Venue: Goose Ponds
Hashers: 18    

The usual Monday Hash saunter into the venue  occurred from around (what time did you get there DT ?) till just after 6.00 when the last minute flurry of activity started.  Is Tounger here yet, shit I need my torch, better get the horn,  where’s the hare, I’ve  got to have a piss first, is the eskey open, Where the bloody hell is the hare I’m bloody getting thirsty.

Finally Prick steps up to the plate and starts to waffle on about something, till some energetic fool found the trail so the rest of us finally got up the courage to slowly saunter away from the booze. Let me tell U, for some it’s getting harder and harder on these cold dark nights to leave the safety of the Eskey’s .  Not me of course.

The usual procedure followed with people wandering around the streets and ponds finding and loosing the trail, taking short cuts, and pretending that we are exercising, or working up a greater thirst.  Although there was one earth shattering event that occurred, I noticed that Lassie took two false trails then rejoined the pack without getting lost once. Yeh Go Lassie.

Back at the On on the swilling and nibble picking was in full swing when that bloody loud  JCF, supported by the equally booming Flaps, rudely interrupted the festivities so that they could crap on and pretend that they had some sort of authority.  They then proceeded to pick on “the poor little Prick and demure Lassie”, fuck I nearly choked on that , for setting a shitty run.  No shitty run song for them I noticed. A  few jokes and Down downs followed, and all looked like another Ho Hum circle until along come Zorro.

This man should be congratulated !  For weeks now JCF  has been pouncing on poor unsuspecting  hashers and demanding that they tell a joke. When they couldn’t, forcing them to have a Down down.  But Zorro fucked that up, not only did he have a joke but a good one. Net result “we will sing the song now  Circle closed”.  Shortest circle we have had in ages.

The nosh was produced and then the sea gulls descended. The smart ones held back until the pushing and shoving and squawking had abated before they quietly  approached the food.  A first I thought it was strange behaviour but then I realised that it was Lassie who did the catering , not Prick. I know the food was good because Piccolo went back for seconds.  How do I know she had seconds, because at the end of the night when everyone up and left there was only two of us left me packing up and Piccolo finishing off her food.

Does anyone have a stopwatch I think I should time how long it takes her to eat her food. I think it could be a gold medal for Australia at the next Olympics      Haha     On that note

See ya next week

Nicka Licka

Run Date: 17^th July, 2017
Run No #1919
Hare: Tarzan
Venue: 4 Evans Avenue, North Mackay
Hashers: 24    

 

Hello fellow hashers,

A cheery bunch of 24 hashers arrived at Tarzan’s place of residence on this chilly night of July.  Tarzan explained the run being set in very old gyprock and how long it lasts, also to watch out for a wall that wasn’t marked and the most important information do not get lost tonight or I would miss the piss stop.

Finding very large arrows to follow we soon turned off footpath tramping over a fallen fence which I found a protruding nail, but no artery was penetrated so I continued the search for the piss.  Coming to a check with Hot rocks and JCF checking in different directions, I started another way when Hotty directed me across the road.  Finding another arrow I called ON ON to the other runners which Hot Rocks was disgusted in and disappeared from site.  Continuing on my own, there were plenty of barking dogs upset with our presence but I was not expecting the massive angry growling dog to come out from the yard wanting a bit of my leg.  Knowing there were runners behind me and piss in front of me I stood my ground. What seemed like a life time, JCF and Screw turned up and rescued me from the jaws of terror.  Down some more roads where we turned onto the side of a hill were at the end we come to said wall so I was told, by this time I had fallen behind the main group and everyone seemed to be moving very slowly there’s piss to be found people, get out of my way.  Following trail to John Breen Park the piss stop was found and a lovely drop it was, and with our thirst quenched we headed on home.

The circle was called Hare was charged as he should, Flaps was charged by Pensioner for losing his hat, which he reversed cause apparently he didn’t lose it it was stolen which I thought was the same thing. Pensioner refuses the reverse charge as he wasn’t the thief just the returner, the stand off was over when JCF took the down down for being the real hat thief.  I charged Tarzan for the hazards I endured on the run and then was charged myself by Streaker for walking too fast, but I was being chased by dogs and looking for alcohol so I had reason to walk fast.  JCF was charged for his upcoming half century.  The usual bad jokes were told song was sung circle closed.

Hot Dogs were served and devoured and we departed shortly after,

ON ON Lassie.

Run Date: 10^th July, 2017
Run No #1918
Hare: Viagra
Venue: Bucasia Beach Esplanade, Bucasia
Hashers: 17       

17 brave hashers gathered near to the sands of the northern beaches for a run set by Viagra? 

At first the merciless mozzies had their fill.  Then the pack took off to follow some sort of trail which was only described in brief by Viagra.  It turned out to be scantily marked with orange tape hanging precariously from odd trees on the way.  Tarboy being colour blind, only saw a couple of these when pointed out by someone with a bright torch.  Even Viagra had trouble halfway {claiming someone had removed several marks}?  Then a rebellion occurred, as in some dark place they decided enough was enough and headed for the on on.

JCF called the circle to order with the customary down down for the hare.  Shitty trail {all agreed}, another for abandoning the run followed.  Lassie was charged for not bringing the Chips?  A few others for failing to follow Lassie to her abode for an impromptu drink stop.  Jokes were at an all time low, all who were to tell at random failed to deliver.  Only Zorro could manage one.  Club song was sung and circle closed. 

Viagra then produced some yummy curried sausages from his bags of tricks.  Also followed by some John Hopoate bikkies for dessert.  Well done Viagra, I took off then.  

See ya next week

The Tarboy

Run Date: 3^rd July, 2017
Run No #1917
Hare: Golly & Raggedy Anne
Venue: 4 Trochus Court, Shoal Point
Hashers: 28    

 

Last nite myself and Hotrocks were tasked with writing the trash. Hotrocks has obliged, and sent me the following: (I might add here the little Irish fecker only learnt to write in Gaelic’)

 

28 nó 30 hashers fonn le chéile ag an cónaí fecken na Golly agus Raggedy. I ndiaidh an suim leo fecken gnách agus bullshit, ar a dtugtar an ghiorria fecken beag bhabhta dúinn go clós tosaigh, agus spluttered roinnt cac faoi marcanna agus gaineamh agus cnoic …. Cé fecken cares, a leag muid amach ar aon nós. Trí roinnt sráideanna fecken shady de Shoal Point trundled againn, go dtí go tháinig muid chun deilgneach fál sreang fecken go raibh Golly ghearradh thoughtfully poll i. Trí chuaigh muid, agus thosaigh dreapadóireachta Mount Fecken Shoal Point, leis an túr uisce ag an mbarr, a bheadh bheith ar fáil d’fhonn ceannais más rud é nach raibh fecken dorcha. Síos an cnoc fecken chuaigh muid agus trí na tíre go dtí go dar críoch muid suas in aice leis an trá fecken. Seo nuair fecked Golly suas, faoi deara nach raibh againn a fháil chun an gaineamh, ach i gceannas ar bhaile fecken don beoir fhuar a bhfuil knicker fhág thoughtfully unlocked.

Níos bullshit agus mionra fecker beag bídeach gur chaith Raggedy fad chócaireacht an lá. Mar sine refreshing leann, ar a dtugtar an manach an an ciorcal a ordú. A dram fecken beag de Tun do na giorriacha sheachaid, agus ina dhiaidh cúpla leath jokes greannmhar, go dtí go ligean Pinsinéir eitilt le clasaiceach aon-liner a bhí an slua ar fad fecken Roarin le gáire. A dara háit ar cuairt,Weak As, bhí ar a dtugtar Strong As  lena iníon air chun síos tun, a dhéanamh Instyle trí slurping an dá mugaí ag an am céanna fecken! Bheadh ​​sin dul síos a chóireáil i mBaile Átha Cliath! An chraic! Cothrom na féinne! A fecker maighdean, darb ainm Luke, sheas ar aghaidh a nochtadh scéal a bheatha, agus an-suimiúil a bhí sé. Babhta faoi anois le feiceáil Guy pizza, agus mar sin ba léir go Golly agus raggedy nach raibh Cookin aon rud ar chor ar bith ar chor ar bith ar chor ar bith. feckers Lazy. Fógraíodh roinnt táillí hurried, knicker fuair roinnt Tun saor as a bheith chomh fecken ársa, ansin a bhí á chanadh rendition stirring den Song Hash, le gach duine ag canadh líne difriúil ag an am céanna. Magnificent! tréigthe muid an ciorcal a stuif ár mbéal beag fecken le pizza n beoir, mar ba chóir é a !.

OnOn till feckers an tseachtain seo chugainn ……

Hotrocks
Bloody hell Hotty!
Here’s a translation:

28 or 30 keen hashers gathered at the fecken abode of Golly and Raggedy. After the usual fecken banter and bullshit, the little round fecken  hare called us to front yard, and spluttered some shit about marks and sand and hills…. Who fecken cares, we set off anyway. Through some shady fecken streets of Shoal Point we trundled, until we came to barbed fecken wire fence that Golly had thoughtfully cut a hole in. Through we went, and began climbing Mount Fecken Shoal Point, to the water tower at the top, which would have offered a commanding view if wasn’t fecken dark. Down the fecken hill we went and through the headlands until we ended up near the fecken beach. Here’s where Golly fecked up, cause we didn’t get to the sand, but headed on fecken home to the cold beer that Knicker has thoughtfully left unlocked.

More bullshit and tiny little fecker pies that Raggedy had spent all day cooking. Some refreshing ale, and  the monk called the circle to order. A wee fecken dram of Tun for the hares was delivered,  followed by few half funny jokes, until Pensioner let fly with a classic one-liner that had the whole fecken crowd roarin with laughter. A visiting runner,Weak as , with his daughter  Strong As were called upon to down a Tun,  doing it instyle by slurping both mugs at the same fecken time! That would go down a treat in Dublin! The craic! Fair play! A virgin fecker, named Luke, stepped forward to reveal his life story, and very interesting it was. Round about now a pizza guy appeared, so it became obvious that Golly and Raggedy weren’t cookin nothing at all at all at all. Lazy feckers. A few hurried charges were announced, Knicker got some free Tun for being so fecken ancient, Then a stirring rendition of the Hash Song was sung, with everyone singing a different line at once. Magnificent! We abandoned the circle to stuff our little fecken mouths with pizza n beer, as it should be!.

OnOn till next week feckers……

Hotrocks

What can I say. Brilliantly written Hotrocks.
OnOn
Pensioner

Run Date: 26^th June, 2017
Run No #1916
Hare: Champion & Wee Wee
Venue: Cremorne Street, Cremorne
Hashers: 22    

 

Monday is here again so religiously we all headed to the run set by Champion and assisted by Wee Wee.  On arriving we gathered around the fire as it was all lit.  Not that we needed any light as most were from the BRIGHT side with a few from the dark side, who would like to be bright.

Pushed out the front gate for run Instructions, where to head Wee Wee?   Was quickly told to stop f –k about by Champion and get on with it.  Straight down the road cross harbour road and follow chalk and flour, till you come across Half a Boat where there is a piss stop.  So off we headed, have you ever seen a mob off old farts trying to cross a main road at peak hour was hilarious.  Head count all made it across On On the other side.

Down the road then turn towards Pioneer River following markings in lime, which look like bird foot prints walking backwards. On down on to sand flats over some shiggy and mud looking for Half a Boat for the piss stop.  We came across a cat marooned on the sand, our Monk arriving first being the fit runner he is asked is this the boat?  “Yes” was the reply, but to our surprise, it is a whole boat!  Half A Boat is the owner’s hash name.

On board we clambered muddy feet and all to the top deck, what a view esky dragged upstairs then the feast began.  Out came the finger food one after the other; in awe no-one was going anywhere, until all food and beers were gone.  By this time those left at the start were wondering where the fuck are they!  Esky was a lot lighter going down the stairs.  Tide coming in time to get going, On back to trail DT decided she would take over from Cummalott and up bank to find a tree, but slipped in mud and landed on all 4s did anyone see her cock her leg?

It was heard that we are all too full to do the run so back to on in.  Circle called by stand in Monkee who had a run-in with cut off grinder and had his stink finger all bandaged up.

Down downs given to Hares Monk for phone, old runners and visiting runner Scary Eyeball from TAS.

Food was served snags in bread and salad. Was a top run CHAMPION and helper we don’t know what you will come up with next.   5 Stars for food, can’t score run no one did it.

ON-ON RAGGEDY ANN.

 

 

 

Run Date: 19^th June, 2017
Run No #1915
Hare: Screw & Fork
Venue: 80a Maple Drive, Andergrove
Hashers: 30    

 

Run was set on chalk markings on the right hand side of the road.  There was a bit of confusion to start with, but once we got started the signage was well marked. All done on bitumen flat roads.

In the  circle we welcomed the visiting Hashers Wanger & Horror from Brisbane Halfway.

We had jokes by Knothead, Pensioner, Tounger and a very good joke by our visiting hasher, Horror complete with actions.

We wished Daffodil a Hasher birthday.

Show Week  Hash Nosh, of Hotdogs, Onions and Cheese.  Followed by Waffle Cones with Ice cream around the open fire.

Next week’s hares are Oui Oui & Champion, at Cremorne  Street, Cremorne.

If travelling from the north side its the street on the right side before Forgan Smith  Bridge next to Camerons Upholster then the hash house.

From the South side first left over Forgan Smith  Bridge.

On On

Champion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

OZ Hash Events (Updated 18 June 2017)

Australian Hash Events Summary

 

2017

8-9 July 2017 – Maroochy Moonlighters H3 (QLD) – Christmas in July
28-30 July 2017 – Airlie Beach H3 (QLD) – One Wedding and a Hangover
28-30 July 2017- Cairns H3 (QLD) – 2150th Run
18-21 August 2017 – Cooktown H3 (QLD) – 1770th run – ‘The Second Cumming of Cook’
25-27 August 2017 – Trinity H3 (North QLD) – 2000th Run – ‘The Genazzano Gallop ‘
1-3 September 2017 – Mackay H3 (QLD) – Annual Away Run
8-9 September 2017 – Townsville Harriettes H3 (QLD) – Combined Harriettes Weekend
16 September 2017 – Bushrangers H3 (NSW) – 50 Years of Hashing in Australia and commemorate the passing of The General
19-25 September 2017 – Sydney H3 (NSW) – 50 Years of Hashing in Australia
27 Sept-2 Oct 2017 – Combined Clubs of Hobart (TAS) – Hobart Hash Clubs 50 Years of Hashing
13 – 15 October 2017 – Combined ACT Clubs (ACT) – Raw Prawn Run #7
20-22 October 2017 – Noosa H3 (QLD) – Hangin’ Loosa In Noosa 49th Relay Quadrathon
21 October 2017 – Bribie Island H3 (QLD) – Tour de Bribie
2018

16-18 March 2018 – Bushrangers H3 (NSW) – 1500th Run
23-25 March 2018 – Gold Coast Mixed H3 (QLD) – 2000th Run
20-22 April 2018 – Gold Coast Mens Hash (QLD) – Post Gold Coast Commonwealth Games Hash
4-5 May 2018 – Cutlery H3 (QLD) – 1000th Run
2019

3-5 May 2019 – FNQ Hash clubs (QLD) – FNQ Nash Hash 2019

 

Run Date: 12^th June, 2017
Run No #1914
Hare: Prick
Venue: John Breen Park, Malcomson Street, North Mackay
Hashers: 22    

 

On a cool Monday night on the bright side of town, 22 intrepid hash peoples turned up for Pricks run at John Breen park rugged up against the cool conditions.  After all the usual prerun bullshit was over, the hare called the pack together and said that the run/walk was well marked, and if they wanted to have grub later then he would not be able to hold our hands, and pointed in some direction mumbling about chalk arrows.

That’s when it spiraled out of control, peoples headed off in all directions, then we heard later on that Hot Rocks (renamed Specsavers) spat the dummy, something about he found the right trail but nobody took any notice.  Which is understandable on his previous effort on seeing things.  Then, with the correct trail being found, the pack headed off for a cool ramble around the gooseponds trails, with several SCB hashers heading home early for drinkypoos, the rest braved the cold and completed the run.

After further bullshit the circle was called and the monk and his offsider delivered copulous amounts of that fowl brew from the bottom of Australia to the offending hare and peoples charged, jokes told and drinkypoos to new hasher Barry (something about him being entwined with the Monk, poor bugger) and ex Brisvagas hasher Cuntry.

Finally the song was sung and grub served, (firstly hot spuds and then roast meat sangers with chutney and chilli jam) good effort Pric.  So, as I had run out of bullshit to talk about, I toddled off home.

ON ON

Screw

Run Date: 5^th June, 2017
Run No #1913
Hare: Streaker
Venue: 3/5 Hunter Street, West Mackay
Hashers: 22    

 

Oh. What a night. It will go down in Hash folklore as the night Hottie should have gone to Specsavers, and Knotted SPILT – yes SPILT!! –  his beer. 

There was a good turn up for a quiet amble/ run/ walk through the streets of West Mackay and the Botanical Gardens led by 2 runners and about 20 walkers. The clever ones became scb and headed for home early in the piece , while the dummies followed a non existant trail as far as the river and the hospital.

After the run all gathered round the fire in Streaker’s back yard to partake of a few coldies and a feed of corned beef sangers. There were a few jokes, some charges and the usual bad language and a bit of attitude from the social misfits in the group. Nothing changes. 

Then Hottie tried to burn the concrete cat. Admittedly the light was not good; Hottie is getting on a bit and his eyesight is not 20/20,but this was over the top. The cat was rescued by the RSPCA minus one ear and all its’ fur.

Then Knotted lost the plot and threw his chair and beer into the garden. The cause of this is unknown, but he sat there for a while contemplating the grass and burning cat before he resumed his normal pose with smoke in left hand and beer in right hand!

After Knotted settled down all of us had a few more beers then Knicker stole the eskies so we all went home. 

A great night!

On On

Prick

Run Date: 29^th May, 2017
Run No #1912
Hare: Jenny Craig’s Fucked
Venue: Campbell Street, Slade Point
Hashers: 14    

 

14 lethargic hashers meandered into the starting point in Campbell St, peering tentatively around wondering where the bloody hell is this all going to end up, then dancing around to the intricate steps of the latest hash dance “the Mosquito slap.”

Calm was somewhat restored when they noticed that hash piss had already arrived, early as usual, but quickly turned to panic when the Hare proceeded to explain his life threatening efforts to set the trail through waist deep, duck infested water, which looked like the perfect crocodile habitat.  This proved to be complete and utter bullshit once we started on the trail, it soon became obvious that he had tippy toed daintily  (that would have made a great movie for face book)  around the water and avoided all the muddy patches. The trail was however well marked to everyone but Viagra, who blindly led the pack down a non-existent trail deeper into the scrub. Eventually Tarzan who was closest to him panicked, decided he wasn’t going alone into thick scrub with Viagra and scurried back to the rest of us lemmings, who promptly about faced and beat a hasty retreat to the safety of the real trail.

From then on it was a piece of piss, all we had to do was follow the trail and the barking dogs till we arrived at the end of Magpie St, followed this down to Slade point Rd which we followed back to the starting track, then on home to the hash piss.

Back at the eskeys, the usual swill and bullshit secessions occurred until JCF produced a big pot of potatoes with lashings of butter and garlic. Finally after watching the group pathetically try to devour the taties, I had to show them how it was done.  Some tried to follow my example but it is obvious they need more tuition.

Finally WHP called the circle, so that we could give down downs to the hare for telling almost a big a “tale” about setting the run, as the trail was long. Viagra for trying to give the monk a fine. Viagra again for creating his own trail. Zorro for building a fence where the monk wanted to set a trail. Zorro again for liking VB. Me (Piccolo) for trying to educate hashers in the art of eating tatoes. (Totally unfair) and finally Zorro again because there was one VB left.  Song was sung and circle was closed.

Hash nosh of sausages, fried onions,  and a good selection of bread and sauces was provided.  Despite many pleas from uneducated? hashers for me to instruct them in the fine art of eating sausages, I declined.  I did however show them how not to waist the butter and garlic left over from the potatoes.

On on

Piccolo

Run Date: 22^nd May, 2017
Run No #1911
Hare: Hooker (Assisted by Knicker Licker)
Venue: 4 Pharlap Parade, Oorlaea
Hashers: 23    

 

23 eager Hashers turned out at Hookers abode in the red light district of Ooralea to partake in the weekly ritual. Unfortunately we were unable to see what markers looked like because Hooker had parked her car over the top of them. So with that said Nicka pointed into the air in a general direction and we were off. That is not entirely true, I am sure he said something about walking and running and chalk and some other stuff but we were all like a bunch of school kids off on an excursion and were too excited to listen.

On return and after some canapes and dips were consumed, Golly called for a loosely formed circle and nailed it! Hooker scored a down down for being the hare but not before she tried to tell us Nicka set the run which of course he denied. The monk ordered an ice cold VB for past birthdays to McFanny and Radish, who incidentally is not in past its on the 25th, before more terrible jokes were told.

Knothead was charged not for telling bad jokes for a change but scored a drink for wearing his hat and using his phone in the circle. Lassie also enjoyed a beverage for not wearing a hat in the circle and Hooker for not turning up to hash for 2 months so she did not have to write a run report.

Well done Zorro for a massive 250 runs with a VB chaser I bet you felt like you were back in Mexico.

With all that done and a few more trumped up charges just to get rid of the down down piss, the song was sung and we moved onto hash nosh.

What a great feed of pasta something, it really wasn’t bad. More bull was spoken before we adjourned and headed back to reality for the week.

Next week’s run is in Campbell Street, Slade Point. Go left onto Campbell Street and go to the end from David Muir Street. Please bring a chair, insect spray and a joke…. until then…..

On on

JCF