Run Date: 22nd August 2016
Run No #1870
Roots wish run – Hares: Screw, Fork, Roots and Wombat
Venue:  Willetts Road Park, then On On to 8 Hoskins Court, Glenella
Hashers: 43 came & went throughout the evening.

An intrepid crew of Hashers turned up at the run site to gather for a run for ROOTS.

By the end of the night the count was close to 40

In perfect hash style the oldies appeared Crabs, Drovers Dog, Lucky to name a few.

Pensioner kindly let ROOTS lean on his Mercedes and never commented. It was noted Pensioner was breathing heavily!

The offer was made by Fork and Screw to wander off round the goose ponds and while the pack was away more of the oldies appeared…U Turn Tinky Winks Chris….. Some of this lot including Daffodil went to school together…how do they remember it was so long ago!

ROOTS and WOMBAT kept everyone entertained until the pack returned and consumed nibbles and a traditional brew of port and lemonade. We then made our way to the ON ON at ROOTS and WOMBATS house in hash convoy…except for Blurry who decided to go another way and ended up in the convoy anyway!

We were met by more family and friends with Skipper Fresh Fanny and Trickle arriving after work to join in.

Once the Hash Piss arrived…not sure why it got lost ? the circle was called.

Pensioner did a fine job of dragging the ROOTS stories from the mob, thank you Snot Tonguer, Pants, Tar Boy, Drovers Dog, Hot Rocks, Blurry, Jock Strap and ROOTS himself. Apologies if I forgot anyone.

There were a few charges….Fork, Snot, ROOTS, WOMBAT, Golly, Blurry and of course a big down down to the oldies but goodies The returning hashers who came to see ROOTS. Pensioner managed to tell the longest worst joke and the circle closed.

NOSH was a serving of fine quality hash sausages with the trimmings and desert. 3 course meal a bit flash for hash I thought! The snags must have been good as even ROOTS ate one.

ROOTS bad everyone farewell as he returned to the Mater before they locked him out.

The stories continued as the beer flowed until the last of the hashers made their way home.

Thanks to the Hares for a great night.

And a big Thank You to ROOTS and WOMBAT for opening their house and allowing us all to share some great stories and many laughs with a very special family.

Onya ROOTS and CHOOKY

ON ON

Blo-Jo

 

 

Run Date: 15^th August 2016
Run No #1869
Hare: Snot
Venue:  Boat Ramp, end of Tern Street, Slade Point
Hashers: 24

Well about twenty Odd hashers (and I mean Odd) turned up in cyclonic conditions for a Snot/Smegma debacle.  At the run site, Snot had (3) pigs on fire (he must have something against the police).

Around 6pm we were all called to order that the run was set and there was no mud (1st Fib).  So on we went, straight into the close by swamp, through mangroves, water, MUD, grasses, trees and finally out of the swamp onto Slade Pt Road.  Down the road until we turned left and back into the swamp again.  Cross a small waterway and then onto the on on, where drinky’s were attacked with gusto and the bullshit started.

Snot bought out hot spuds (tasted better than the nosh), circle was called and down downs given to the hare and to others even if they were duped, all because they could not get rid of the Tun. (I suggest if this happens again, just get the monk and monkee to drink it themselves, piss poor planning). Hash song was sung and circle closed, nosh was called (called what the fuck!)  After a very small serving of cold chips, small plastic bags containing, (1) raw snag, (1) raw rissole, (2) pieces of white bread and a couple of marshmallows were presented, to be cooked by oneself on the hot pigs.  Well, as I like the police I did not want to upset them, so myself and others decided to enjoy some home cooked nosh and I bade goodnight.  (Something I forget to mention about the circle, that, on the run there was plenty of toilet paper set as trail, but no Cummalott to be able to take advantage of it for her wee stops).

On On

Screw

Run Date: 8^th August 2016
Run No #1868
Hare: Golly & Raggedy Ann
Venue:  4 Trochus Court, Shoal Point
Hashers: 29

 

What a great number of hashers turned up for Golly’s run.

Hare was all prepared, tarp put up, to shield us from the wind, and a great fire going!

We all set of , after directions from the  hare, the pack broke into 2 lots ,

some heading left up a hill, the other lazy bastards turned right to do our own thing!

Then we broke into 3 packs.  Pensioner took this lot back to the eskie!!

By all accounts, hashers who headed up the hill ,said it was a great run,

On getting back beer and nibblies were consumed. Circle was called!!

jokes  and usual garble was had !!!

New hasher Sharon was named  ” Shizza”.

A better hash song was sung this week!! probably because Hoty actually sang

Circle closed, and a lovely bbq was put on by the hares, a few more beers , bellys full.

Then it was time to head off home !!!!

 

ON ON

Streaker.

Run Date: 1^st August 2016
Run No #1867
Hare: Prick
Venue:  BBQ area – Gooseponds, North Mackay
Hashers: 30

Was great to see so many keen hashers arrive at the goosepond for pricks run,

We all gathered around, and were told which way to go,most headed off in the right direction,

While some chose to go their own way,

Hot potatoes were waiting for us on our return

Circle was called,down, down for hare,

Hooker for 50 runs, and her birthday,

Virgin runner, and more down downs, a few jokes, then everyone tried to sing club song.

Circle closed,

Very tasty nosh was served of meat and sweet potato and bread.

Another great hash night,

On On.

Raggedy Ann.

 

Run Date: 25^th July 2016
Run No #1866
Hare: Streaker
Venue:  Unit 5/3 Hunter Street, West Mackay
Hashers: 21

Oh, what a run. This was the run that had a dozen runs incorporated into it!

There was a run from Streakers’ over to the Bowls Club; guess who availed themselves of this option! No prizes for the answer.

There was the run that went via the old rail line, to the Army Barracks, to Nebo Road and then to Streakers’.

There was the run via the rail line, Army Barracks, Bowls Club then to Streakers’ place.

There was the run via old rail line. Army Barracks, levee bank and Ron Camm bridge to Streakers’.

There was the run via the old rail line, the cemetery. round a few graves then to the Bowls Club and on to Streakers’.

All in all we had a great time. There was enough flexibility in the run organisation for everyone to cater to their own taste in venue and distance and everyone availed themselves according to their personal taste and the distance they wanted to go! Well done Hottie and Streaker.The night was capped off with a few jokes, a few down downs, a great feed cooked by Smeg and then we all hit the frog and toad.

 

On on. Prick.

Run Date: 18^th July 2016
Run No #1865
Hare: Sweet Meat
Venue:  Shockers – 9 Hi-Grove Terrace  Andergrove
Hashers: 27

Leaving the BRIGHT SIDE of town we left the sunshine behind and once again heading into

the dark of Andergloom we were expecting a SHOCKER of a night only to find that shocker

had pissed off to somewhere down south and left all the work to Sweetmeat.

 

Sweetmeat issued instructions as to where the marks might be and that they were on the

right or the left or possibly in the middle and marked with surveyors tape.

Off we went at a gentle pace down the street when a late hash piss tried to run the pack

down with his car loaded with eskies, but the pack easily avoided this poor attempt to slow

the pack up and continued on through the streets of Andergloom , Finding trail marks was like trying to find those elusive Pokémon’s or the local Andergloomers thought our marks were Pokémon and stole them. As the marks were as little as the tun in our down down mugs.

Tounger produced a map of the run but alas no one’s eyesight in the gloom could decipher

1. The runners did their own thing as usual and ignored all marks and just ran around in the gloom and eventually returned to the on on. The pack led by Tounger kept up the charade of following the trail and meandered back after an hour or so.

 

Good to see that once again Snot, Flaps & Delicious gave up their run to guard the eskies and our plunder from Airlie Beach. These hashers deserve medals for the sterling work they

have contributed to guard duty, instead of enjoying the wonderful runs.

 

The circle was called by monkee Flaps who handed over to our esteemed monk Pensioner,

who dispensed down downs with his usual fair and balanced outlook. Down downs for

Sweetmeat the hare, Eugene a new runner who looks a little shady. I later found out he

lives in Andergloom hence the shady look, JCF for birthday and another for phone in the

circle, Hot Rocks as usual for something, Sweetmeats dad for being there and once again

Smegma, unjustly. Could have been more down downs but I can’t recall as the gloom was

making it hard to see. Then like a ray of sunshine next week’s run was announced that it

would be held at Streakers abode on the BRIGHT SIDE – bring your sunnies.

 

Hash nosh was served up and the circle was closed and the serious part of the evening

began until we ran out of Gold beer.

 

A great effort from Sweetmeat minus Shocker as he was off hunting Pokémon down south

 

ON ON to Streakers run

Smegma

 

PS: Don’t forget the Combined Central Qld H3 at St Lawrence Hotel on the weekend of the

1st of October. Remember the last time, we still need to find the Holy Grail as it is rumoured

to be still secreted somewhere at St Lawrence. Watch your emails for further updates about this exciting event which will be bought to you by Cutlery, Rocky, Gladstone & Mackay Hash

Clubs and every club that attends must put on a hash act or be fined 3×30 packs of coldies.

So start auditioning for your role in MH3 PRODUCTION OF SOMETHING

Wanted actors, directors, costume designers and an IDEA FOR OUR ACT anybody with

Talent, apply now by auditioning next week in the circle.

 

Run Date: 11^th July 2016
Run No #1864
Hare: Cummalott
Venue:  BBQ Area at the Goose Ponds behind the North Mackay Bowls Club
Hashers: 18

 

A motley crew of about (16) hashers turned up at Lake Gooseponds, while waiting for the rest of the crew to show, a bit of excitement unfolded with a hungry dog tried to have a Duck sandwich, but the duck won and swam away minus a few feathers.  So with a smaller than usual crew, the hare called us around and said that the run was marked in chalk and the marks (a dog with a hare lip) were on the right side, if not on the footpath and maybe on the left.  Just wish the hare could make up her mind, so just before we set off, the hare informed us that she would not be partaking of the run (something about she had other things to do, so we were a crew without a Captain). But onward we went with runners and walkers going up and down roads, paths and sometimes on no paths at all, until finally we arrived at a really Pleasant place with drinks and peanuts (they went with the rest of the nuts that made it).

Finally it was on home where their were more thirsty hashers waiting for the hash piss to be served. With all the crew having returned, a circle was called, with the first down down going to Tounger (something about an early attempt at a joke, not in the circle).  Then the hare was given her just desserts, (if you can call a Tun a dessert).  A few more jokes and a couple of charges, the hash song was sang or sung, then nosh was served (top nosh) curried Beef stew, sausage and vege stew all served with fluffy white rice and bread as well.  Then the hare informed us that the sausage stew nearly did not make it as the hares son also liked it, and then with our belly’s full, desserts were now served.  Menu: Banana timtams, Pineapple timtams and Mint slices (such a variety) now our belly’s were really full, then, at this time I was told that I was going home, so off I went with my mummy.

 

ON ON Screw.

Run Date: 4^th July 2016
Run No #1863
Hare: Knicka
Venue: 60 Wattle Ave Andergrove
Hashers: 26

All gathered For Nicka’s run in the Wee Wee Wilds of Andergrove. We were sent off on a split trail and without too much drama, made it back to the piss stop. A very small fire compared to previous ones at this site was waiting for us, along with yummy nibbles.

Circle called, down downs given, jokes told…..the usual….and it was on to more piss and a huge feed. Another great Monday night.

On On
Cummalott

Run Date: 27th June 2016
Run No #1862
Hare: Pensch & Mango
Venue: 12 Douglas Crescent Rural View
Hashers: 21

What the Hell is going on with the weather ? It’s bad enough that the daylight pisses off early because it is cooling down, but now the rain and clouds keep hanging around so that its darker even earlier. We bloody near need torchers just to find the venue. All right you smartarses I know that is what head lights are for, but saying that only opens the door for the super smartarses  to point out that in cold weather there are two types of headlights.

Well onto the run, a bunch of intrepid, hung-over Hashers meandered into the Pensioners abode. Because of Alzheimer’s  I have no idea how many (see above) to hear a bunch of excuses and half baked instructions about the run, ending with piss off out the front and I will tell you there. Now the tone of the run became clear.

Instructions  :- The trail is either “left” or “right” the rain has washed out the marks. Just go and look and the ones I want to piss off the most I will call them back from a false trail.  So the run set off, following non existing marks and the Monk taking revenge for past “SLIGHT” misdemeanours  committed by unknowing innocent hashers, by being tricked into taking nonexistent false trails.

Ah!   I hear from the soft cocks and lazy pricks who didn’t turn up, you should have stuck with the hare.  Well he had that covered too, because for the next  3/4 of an hour he pointed out, at least 12,653.5 times where his nonexistent trail had been set.

This misuse of papal power only encouraged mutiny  by the downtrodden innocents, so at every dark corner people slipped away to the pub or back “home”. I might point out at this point that the biggest defection (all women) was lead  by Mango. But to be fair you can understand why she needs to have small victories like this “she has to live with the tyrant”.

Now I know you think that I was a dickhead for going the full distance, but remember I was Hash Piss that night and the booze was safely locked in my vehicle. That was my revenge on all you SCB’s who didn’t invite me to go with you.

HOME AT LAST, a quick removal of esky’s from the car (by many willing helpers) a few quick ones to wash away the torments of the previous hour, and all is well with the world again. That is until it started to rain again and we all squashed under cover, and the Monk seeing he had a captive audience, struck again and called the circle. Has the man no compassion?

The circle is a bit of a blur, no pun intended Blurry but you did look like shit, the Monk had a down down for being Hare (not Tun I noticed), another for Smega for stealing the hash mugs and being loud as usual, Delicious for casting libellous aspersions at the poor downtrodden stand in hash piss on the bus trip, and I cannot remember who else, but you bloody well deserved it anyway.  Some good jokes and some not so good and then a bloody awful rendition of the hash song.

The circle was finally put out of its misery and we all attacked a very nice hash nosh prepared  by Mango followed by all sort of sweet things left over from the bus trip.  A few more drinks by a subdued bunch of hashers (what did you lot drink  lots of piss on Saturday) and then the normal quick exit to wherever hashers go for the rest of the week.

A good evening, good food, great booze so good night

ON ON

Nicka Licka

Run Date: 20th June 2016
Run No #1861
Hare: Smegma & Blurry
Venue: Dunrock Boat Ramp
Hashers: 22

Following 24 hours of severe rain, 22 brave Hashers ventured out to the darkest deep south of the Mackay region, to the little known village of Dunrock…..  I don’t usually go that far on holidays!

Darkness was settling in as the crew arrived, to find Smeg, Blurry and Snot ensconced around an already blazing fire, beers in hand. General chitchat and bullshit abounded, until Smeg announced it was time to begin. He then launched into the longest pre-run ramble ever heard….. something about left, right, trail, track….. orange tape, pink tape, sheeez, no one was listening and no one cared. He did prove once again to be the Bushel of Bullshit, as the promised school bus failed to appear. So, off we went on foot, and soon turned onto what appeared to be an established walking trail built by The Mackay Conservation Group, or some other lesser known Govt body, complete with arrows to show the way…… which Smeg conveniently added tape to…… instant trail indeed!

On through the dark, with torches blazing, faint calls of OnOn from the lead pack, until we came to the end of the trail, and entered a vast grassy plain. Did I mention it had been raining the day before? Torrential rain, the kind of rain that soaks in and floods everything? Well….. that grassy plain hid it’s watery secret well…. Until we came sloshing through. Many cries of despair were heard, especially when rustling was heard nearby, creating images of giant Tiapans and gianter Crocs, then Flaps sunk to his knees and declared “I can’t go on!” Viagra and myself hauled him to his feet and pushed him along…… to the other side of the wet tundra, where a gleeful Smeg met us, having secretly shortcutted around the swamp. As we found the road, we encountered the lead pack coming slowly from the scrub…… muttering something about no trail and fuckn Smeg and wet feet, and other disparaging remarks. And if it wasn’t wet enough, Cummalott decided to squat down and water the trees some more!

Back at the boatramp, with 2 fires now blazing, the general bullshit continued as the cash was collected, until Flaps, now fully recovered and upright, called for the circle to be formed. A quick joke from the Monk, then Blurry and Hotrocks  were ceremoniously Tun’d for wearing hats in the circle.  Blurry and Smeg were called forth to enjoy a Tun downdown for their efforts, or lack thereof, as joint hares….. A couple more jokes, and then a birthday Tun for the birthday boys, Zorro and Daffodil. Some jokes from Golly and Flaps, and a charge from Hotrocks which led to downdowns for Shocker and Sweatmeat for pinching each other’s bums on the trail, not realizing Hotrocks was between them! A charge from Knicker caused Viagra to partake of a Tun, but I can’t remember why. Drip Tray was called forth to explain how she had lost the Hash Dildo. There was some suggestion it may have been lost during use, although this was vigorously denied. A soothing Tun was administered.

A downdown was awarded to Hotrocks for daring to interrupt the Monk who, after  more jokes,  found we had a Tun left over, so….. a downdown was issued for “returning runner” Zorro. After an extremely confused rendition of the Hash Song, the Circle closed and masterchef Blurry declared nosh was on…… 2 big pots of Blurry’s Special Slop……rice, sausages, vegetables in a curry sauce, which went down a treat on a cold night. More bullshit was dribbled as the beers was drunk until the pack slowly ambled off into the night, leaving the 3 Amigos staring balefully into the fire(s).

OnOn until next week, Pensioner.