On On !
Run Date: 26 March 2018
Run No #1957
Hare: Paw Paw with help from Pensch
Venue: 44 Jarrah St Andergrove
Hashers: 18
18 runners came along to 44 Jarrah St. The run was made with messages in envelopes. One new runner was welcomed. The run went sloppy and muddy. We all enjoyed HASH meal especially the sweets.
On On
Wombat
Run Date: 19th March 2018
Run No #1956
Hare: Teflon (with assistance from Golly)
Venue: 37 Mango Avenue, Eimeo
Hashers: 17
We all gathered under Teflon’s abode, dribbling shit as usual, waiting for the obligatory 6:00pm start. However, without the late arrival of Tonguer, we seemed to lose track of time. About 6:08pm as the sky’s opened up and sent it down, that was when the mad scramble for umbrellas and the rush to get under way began.
After all of Golly’s hard work in the stinking hot heat of the afternoon setting the trail, he seemed to have a heat stroke moment, and forgot where he set the trail from. Everyone gathered out the front on the road, and then we were all guided back under the house and out towards the foreshore to stand forlornly on the beach, looking more like a funeral was taking place, than an anticipated run in the rain.
This is where yours truly left them to it, but I am sure with the lack of remaining marks to follow, they all just took a stroll around the block, looking more like a bunch of Mary Poppin’s rather than a running club, and promptly returned to the Hash Esky. Tarzan seemed to be the only one too tough for an umbrella and arrived back as wet as a shag, followed by an impromptu strip and a dry shirt. Where the Mackay Fencing shirt came from I don’t know, maybe Zorro is hoping for a new fencing contractor once Tar Boy retires in two weeks?
Meanwhile Teflon was offering around pappadums, which tasted like they had been offered up by the sea a week earlier and dried for our enjoyment. Luckily Streaker saved the day with a big bag of Potato Chips. The nibbles improved after that with Adrian (Boom N Bust & Teflon’s Son) also known as Spotto, set to work cooking the potato wedges on the BBQ, served with sweet chilli and sour cream, now you have it happening.
Due to the absence of our glorious Monk, something about growing wings on his feet for next week. Our illustrious Monkee Golly, got to stand tall and run the circle for a change. With the assistance of Ex Monk Pensioner, who only tried to take over a couple of times…
Jokes were told, charges laid, one for Corgi, but I don’t remember why? We welcomed visiting Hasher Moaning Lisa and his Virgin Bride to Be Cassie, and another welcome down down for Spotto. Executive Lunch was decided as Singapore Sam’s. Please bring a little extra raffle money next week, as we will be selling tickets in a Meat Voucher, to raise a little extra funds for the two Away Runs we have coming up in October & January.
Hash Song sung, circle closed.
Teflon, Hooker and Raggedy Ann all helped to serve up curried savoury mince, to the starving horde, which was very yummy. Even McFanny put in a late appearance, to aid support. Obviously, she sensibly waited for the rain to stop, so she didn’t risk shrinking anymore!
A wet night, but very enjoyable.
On On
Delicious
Run Date: 12th March 2018
Run No #1955
Hare: Knothead
Venue: 10 The Barons Drive Andergrove
Hashers: 22
I arrived at Knotheads where the Pack had dispersed, some were already back keeping Delicious company who had taken her position for the Night as Hash Cash. A fire already stoked all ready to go in the back corner. Talk about a staggered appearance of the Hashers, the last ones being Piccolo and Knicka at 7.40pm where had they been? Was anyone worried? Piccolo said we can only presume, and presume we did, at Who Hasn’t Paid and Breast Strokes for the Hash Piss stop, gasbagging.
Circle was called, and the jokes started with Knothead about the guy who lived in a grass house. Well it went on and on and on (how unusual). Charges for a few Hashers who had made their own Circle within the circle and one for Corgie for being left out on her own from the circle within the circle. The best charge of all was to Raggedy Ann and Golly for turning Great-grandparents during the week.
Nosh was served of frankfurts with fried onion, bacon bits and condiments to complement the hot dogs. Everyone loves a hot dog! If we didn’t clear the lot up, then the huge dog/horse certainly did.
A good night was had by all.
Next week is at 37 Mango Ave Eimeo. Limited parking so for those that have been here before, please use the house across the road as no-one lives there still.
On On
Teflon
Run Date: 5th March 2018
Run No #1954
Hare: Drover’s Dog
Venue: 16A Gold Street, East Mackay
Hashers: 22
It was good to see returning runner, Drovers Dog getting involved again after many years in Mackay Hash. We gathered in front of Drovers Dog’s place while he gave instructions for the run. Starting out north along Gold St onto Goldsmith St where we found an on back when Drover’s Dog and his 2 dogs pointed us in the right direction N along Goldsmith St. Zorro said he had to see a man about a dog at Langfords Hotel and soon after while I was checking trail with JCF, he said he needed to be at the Met and followed Zorro along Gordon St, I rejoined the pack in Queens Park. Continuing onto Shakespeare St and along Hauge St where we followed the hare past an arrow to the left ( I think he felt sorry for us walkers ) and onto the walkway and park at the end of Iluka Dr where the trail went across the grass. At this point Fill De Jaw and Wheelie continued along the pathway and we didn’t see them again until we got home. A short walk across the grass to the Piss Stop and on home. As we arrived home, Tazan, a late cumer, pulled up on his push bike, everybody was accounted for except Nicker who became a little lose but eventually turned up ok.
The circle started with the hare having his down down and a drink for Gavin, a virgin runner who was welcomed to the group. Jokes were told, Pensioner came up with a Viagra joke which went over well while Streaker was selected to tell a joke but didn’t have one so Zorro volunteered a joke but that didn’t let her off the hook and received her down down. Lassie got a down down for being a returning runner. It was noted that after the run Mango was talking on her phone at her car in the street and when finished walked into the back yard next door to where we were gathered, she promptly retreated and joined the group, for this she received a down down. JCF and Zorro were charged with being sooks and not following trail, instead going to the pub.
Hash Nosh was served, a big pot of hot mince curry and a smaller pot of not so hot mince curry, everybody enjoyed their fill. By 9 o’clock most hashers were packed up and heading home. Thanks Drovers Dog for a good night and hope to see you on more runs in the future.
OnOn
Daffodil.
Run Date: 26 February 2018
Run No #1952
Hares: Corgie & Daffodil
Venue: Mackay Information Centre 320 Nebo Road Mackay
Hashers: 19
Police Run Report
Police link 131444
QP 1800363787
Some dirty rotten mongrel bastards broke into Mackay fencing and stole my Reabok runners
As a result I was given a down down for new shoes .
As such I couldn’t do the whole 14 klm run or whatever Daffodil set
50 mins bullshit , more like 2 hours
Anyway good run , good nosh [so I was told ] good circle and good night
Scroll down for Zorro joke as I don’t have time to write a real report
The Glesga Mortuary (The Glasgow Mortuary)
A man who just died is delivered to a Glesga mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Big Tam the mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in navy. She gives Tam a blank cheque and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a navy suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous navy suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to Tam, ‘Whatever the cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’ To her astonishment, Tam presents her with the blank cheque. ‘Nae charge,’ he says. ‘No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite navy suit!’ she says.
‘Honestly, hen,’ Tam says, ‘it didnae cost nothin. You see, a deed gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive navy suit. I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit insteed, and she said it made nae difference as long as he looked nice.
‘So, I just switched their heids.’
Run Date: 19 February 2018
Run No #1952
Hare: Piccolo
Venue: 82 Grendon Street North Mackay
Hashers: 21
We arrived on time to be warned of the green ants that bite if you were sliding past Half a Boats vehicle. Getting past 6 we all gathered out front but still no Tonguer. Nicker advised the run was set on chalk and flour. A new runner, Julie, had joined us tonight. Hooker and Raggedy Anne welcomed her to the group and looked after her for the run. Down Grendon street after the first on back and around the back of the houses skirting the mangroves and along the levee bank to the Goose Ponds. Nicker encouraged everyone the long way round saying we may be crossing the creek. I noticed there was a large melaleuca tree which had boards nailed to the trunk leaning across the creek but there were no marks that way thank goodness. The front runners lead the way across the dog park entrance to Malcolmson street when we turned towards home quite a few blocks away. All were making their way home via different streets and even Tonguer who must have followed trail after arriving late. We all were perspiring and glad of the cold beers for there wasn’t much of a breeze and the mozzies were out. Knotthead was really boisterous trying to wear himself out I think after coming off night shift. Piccolo had 4 dips out for the hungry crew and all was scraped clean.
JCF called the circle to hear the run report from Pensioner, Raggedy Anne and Mango. Nicker and Piccolo took their down downs for the run and JCF called for jokes and charges. Bagoose charged me for reading his joke sheets and asked if I’d had remembered one. I enjoyed the reading but could remember only parts. Paw Paw and DT were asked for the nominated joke but didn’t have one either. We were all charged. Knothead told his joke which was too long and was charged along with Bagoose. Zorro charged Teflon for checking the books and getting the run numbers wrong I think. Teflon took her down down. Our new runner, Julie, took her welcome drink and then Hash Nosh was ready. A beautiful lasagne made by Piccolo’s mum with extra pasta and bread and butter. Everyone had their fill but Piccolo had made two large bowls of fruit salad for desert. We were spoilt. An enjoyable night again and thanks to Piccolo, Nicker and Brian cooking the pasta.
On on
Corgie
Run Date: 12 February 2018
Run No #1951
Hares: Prick
Venue: 5/1 Kenzey Street, North Sodor (Mackay)
Hashers: 25 + Donny
All gathered on a lovely evening at Prick’s Place and Prick had gone to ALL the trouble of setting not just 1 run, but 3 to cater for all levels of mobility. One for the runners, one for the walkers and one for the lazy bastards which was literally over the road to the North Mackay Bowls Club. Report on the Run was a ‘good one’
On our return the pot of potatoes mixed with herbs & butter was the entrée. Always hits the spot.
Circle called..we welcomed a virgin runner Conal, who had been captured by 2 x cougars on the previous Saturday night who lured him into the world of Hashers. Will he forgive us or thank us?
Lots going on in the circle with down downs for returning runners DT & Knothead. Jokes were flowing and Tonguer should have got an overachiever award for remembering his long one. We were once again exposed to Knotheads’s jokes. Ohh noo! Overachiever award to JCF for the best run report ever written which somehow was reversed to me, not sure how that happened? By the way this is how you spell ‘grammatical’. Snot had a few down downs for the unforgivable Hat in the circle AND no Hash attire. Wombat also had a down down for buying her brand-new bike for the Bike Hash on Saturday but then didn’t get to use it! (she said she was running late, excuses, excuses)
The down down were a little different tasting too, what was in them Golly? A potent concoction of both cider and beer, now that’s creative!
Prick fired up the Weber and just about asphyxiated the pack. Was he trying to get rid of us or the mosquitoes? Or set fire to Delicious’s hair?
We did end up with flame-grilled bangers and caramelized onions (or that is what Prick was calling them anyway) – went down well with the hungry hoards gathering around. Thank God, he had wholemeal bread, or I don’t think Streaker would have coped.. A great Monday night Hash night.
On On Teflon
Streaker & Teflon aren’t we a lovely pair?
Run Date: 5th February 2018
Run No #1950
Hares: Golly & Raggedy Ann
Venue: 4 Trochus Court 
Hashers: 23
Run Report for Golly and Raggety Ann from their lovely home at Slade Shoal Point. 
It was a hot sunny day on the island of Sodor and Thomas aka Golly, set off with all the other locos (hashers) and carriages (more hashers) from the shed. Everyone of course was delayed a little because Grundfather loco (Tounger) was late as he was piston broke. As they approached the first switch (check), The Fat Controller (JCF) commented to Thomas that the refuelling truck (Half a Boat) had not arrived. Thomas barked at the Fat Controller saying if all the locos get back from the route (trail) and they have no fuel (piss) that the locos would flog Thomas and his good friends (Mismanagment) until they were within an inch of their lives.
The Fat Controller decided to go back to the station and call the refuelling truck and find out what was happening (Half a Boat where the F$#k are you! These hashers are gunna kill us if you don’t turn up with all the piss!!!!!!) The refuelling truck replied it’s all good I am on my way now I won’t be long I promise. The Fat Controller breathed a sigh of relief and disappointment, as he knew no one would be flogged today.
Except of course Thomas who planned on shunting Clarabel (Raggety Ann) some time later that night. 
All of a sudden and out of nowhere, some of the locos started to appear and they looked like they wanted refuelling now, much to the amazement of Thomas and the Fat Controller who were still waiting on the refuelling truck. All of a sudden a gay toot toot was heard and the refuelling truck pulled into the station to refuel the locos.
With this done a performance review (circle) was held and some naughty engines including Thomas and Clarabel for making the railway line, returning engines,
Arthur (Who hasn’t Paid) and Molly (Breatstroke), Neville (Blurry) for something, Salty (Pensioner) and possible some others got lubrication forced down their intake manifolds whilst the other engines sang with glee. Some extremely funny jokes were told and if you missed them come along and hear them again at another performance review soon. Before long attention was drawn to a special refuelling session (Executive Lunch) which was to occur at Harrup Park.
Next week’s adventure will be from Merlin’s (Prick’s) station at 5/1 Kenzey Street, North Sodor (Mackay) 
and all Thomas’ friends want to see you there. With that done and everyone wanting to restock their boilers with coal (fantastic hash nosh made by Clarabel), the locos tooted their horns and sung the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song (MH3 club song) and ended the performance review. Everyone re-stoked their boilers and talked about magical fantasy things before heading back to the shunting shed but that’s another story and it can’t be told in this time slot right Thomas?
Until next week this has been The Fat Controller standing in for Merlin who magically disappeared tonight.
ON ON
Run Date: 29th January 2018
Run No #1949
Hare: Tarzan
Venue: 4 Evans Ave, North Mackay
Hashers: 24
24 Hashers arrived at Tarzans house for his run,
We all headed off towards the goose ponds
Some of the pack went different directions, didn’t miss the piss stop though,
Golly spotted the car and hoped it was the right one as he attempted to open the boot,
Very nice brew it was,
When everyone arrived home we were served with dips and crackers,
Circle was called down down for Hare Tarzan, one for Snot who is back for a short visit,
And returning runner U,Turn.
Jokes were told, more down downs, circle closed,
Hash nosh served, heaps of tasty spaghetti,
Thanks Tarzan for a great night
ON ON
Raggedy Ann
See you all at our house, beautiful shoal point.
Run Date: 22nd January 2018
Run No #1948
Hare: Streaker
Venue: 5/3 Hunter Street West Mackay
Hashers: Heaps 30
Tarzan turned up for the first time in 6 weeks (holidaying of course) to find a massive hash crowd of 30 eager runners champing at the bit to sample another of Hotties Marathons.Well it wasn’t long b 4 lots dropped off the gruelling pace & made their way back to Streakers.Some battled on for at least 1 hr 15 mins then the true hashers rocked up about 7.30. At least Half a Boat had the esky well stocked. It was under a lot of pressure come stumps. The circle brought the usual hash jokes, Down Downs & crap about not much. Tarzan said he won some obscure Down Down comp on New Years Eve in Vietnam!!!!!, Streaker skolled for Hare, Tarzan for stealing the Hares drink & pulling weird faces after the first sip. A few others for the usual talking in the circle & Skipper & McFanny for returning runners. Nosh was served up with loads of Corn meat, potatoes ,bread, condiments etc. 7 was eagerly gobbled up by the pack. A few things coming up were discussed, Full moon Run on Sat 27 Jan at Flaps & night out at Methira Rest, 3 Feb & Diamonds & Pearls Run later in the Year.Then I buggered off home.See Ya next week.
ON ON The Tarboy
