Run Date: 16^th November
Run No #1830
Hares: WHP
Venue: 16 Lochmaben Ct Beaconsfield
Hashers: 14

Well I missed the change of venue for Monday nights run and thought you bastards have done it again sent me off on a wild goose chase. Back home checked my e-mail and found that it had been moved to 16 Lochmaben Street.

It was cold and wet and be buggered if I could find any marks, so I asked Raggedy Ann she couldn’t see any, nor could Tounger, Fork Breaststoke and then Delicious mentioned that if we were actually on the run then we have been able to see them, stupid me, I never thought of that.

Apparently it was one of the best runs we have had in the last week so that says something for Who Hasn’t Paid’s ability to make the change at short notice, after being kicked off the north wall for loitering with intent. (to do what I don’t know but it must have been pretty bad).

Everyone make it back without being struck by lightning or getting too wet.

It turned out only 14 hardy hashers managed to turn up, more would have unfortunately with all the rain we have had all the bridges across the Pioneer River were closed so the dark siders were unable to get across.

I am sure they could have borrowed a boat from somewhere.

The hare was fortunate enough to have been given 4 down downs I think he just love Tun beer Jokes were told, there would have been more but Hotrocks was unable to make it.

Great nosh and plenty of it, enough for 26 hashers so seconds was the go.

The song was heartily sang led by choirmaster Tarzan, more drinks and then off home.

Next weeks run is at chez flaps’s place (17 Jarrah Street) so I hope it rains again so I won’t have to work too hard.

On on until next week Flaps

Run Date: 9^th November
Run No #1829
Hares: No Name Michelle and Snot
Venue: 65 Amhurst Street Slade Point
Hashers: 27

Michelle (Snot) Hash Run

Set in the dunes of Slade Point We set of from 65 Amhurst St. to be exact, as usual the walkers milled around Baa Bah bleat bleat until given some direction from Snot.

We headed of into the dunes along tracks or were they just snake trails with wait a while vines.

Daffodil though he got bitten by snake and got Corgi to suck it off.

We came to a steep embankment and up we went to find a falsie then along a bit and up the embankment again WHP nearly had to engage 4wheel drive, Smeg did.

WHP milled around the sand dunes with Sweet Meat, Shocker and Hot Rocks found a false trail or two till we ended up on the beach for a trot. Then up into the dunes again and out near the Pub and up Scawfell Av. onto the alleyway Hot Rocks, Shocker and WHP could smell the beer but not Sweet Meat as she headed into the dark deep suburbs of Slade Point.

Excellent RUN proper stuff like sand, mossies, bush, snakes, etc.

Eventually those dawdlers arrived back and disrupted the real Hashers having our fourth beer.

All milled around and scoffed bikkies and Dip and Payed up.

Then the Newly elected hierarchy called a circle. The hair was called and so was Snot as Michelle is a newbie to the hash ways and needed guidance with the intricacies of setting a run.

There was jokes told and the usual bull shit that goes with an anarchy style system.

The new GM did a down for his lost poofta chair, plus a couple of other indiscretions. 

There was a group down down for loud bull shitters that interrupt the Monk and Monkeeeee

There was phones going and being answered in the bushes Hooker had a down down for it

Hooker also had a down down for stashing a Grand under her mattress with a black sausage watch dog to guard it.

The nameless Michelle was called out on all had to kneel for a naming after a protracted story she was named ALIBI. So now we all have an Alibi when we go to hash assuming our Alibi turns up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jokes were told we sang and the circle ended

Nosh was cooked and gorged up on by all very nice assholes in rolls with a bit of green stuff

The new Monkeeeee had his breatho measurer for anybody that desired to see what effect the beer had on them, As we all headed off to our cosy little beds to rest up for the ensuing day.
ON ON WHP

Wassen Me I had an Alibi

I didn’t pack the esky I only kept it cold.

Run Date: 2^nd November
Run No #1828
Hares:Smegma & Hotrocks under Blurry’s banner
Venue: Mackay Bowls Club Nebo Road
Hashers: 34

 

34 enthusiastic Hashers turned up for the AGPU to take over the world.

Can’t comment on the actual walk as I didn’t participate, but some were back in 15 mins and some took up to 1 & ½ hours and some were in between, so fair to say there was some short cutting and some that went all the way.

Melbourne Cup sweep had been set up along with orders for ‘Mackay Hash Polo Shirts”, sale of Stubbie Coolers and of course Hash Cash.

The meal was ready so off into the other room to scoff the well prepared food.

Circle was called.

Charges for Non participating Hashers for the walk/run. Teflon, Tubby 2 Dicks & Glove Box, Showus, & Skipper.  Glove Box for skulling a straight rum? In her haste, she forgot to add the coke!!!

Lots of charges and reversing.  Pants presented a decorated chair that Zorro had left/or had it been taken at a Sunny Coast run that she was returning to the rightful owner, only she had put her flowery touch on it.

Award for Screw for achieving 800 runs, presented with a torch.

Awards were presented which are below:-

 

	2015 AGPU AWARDS – MACKAY HASH HOUSE HARRIERS
No	Award	Recipient	Reason
1	Most Runs Award	Knicker Licker	With 51 Runs
2	Most Dangerous Run	Prick	Down a Railway Track with a Sugar Train coming
3	Best Hash Nosh	Flaps	For his sumptuous feast
4	Pyromaniac of the year	Oui Oui	Aussie Day Flare-Up
5	Scam of the year Run-Joint Award	Smegma	The BOB ” (Bushel of Bullshit)
6	Scam of the year Run-Joint Award	Hot Rocks	Judas Hare
7	Worst Location Run	Snot	East Point in the sand with 35 Knot winds
8	Wettest Run	Delicious	Melbourne Cup Eve Run in the middle of a storm
9	Best Hash Trash Report	Blurry	Hash Trash Run #1827 (Smegma & Hot Rocks Run)
10	Worst Hash Nosh	Prick	Chicken Stew – Mostly Bones
11	Best Location Run-Joint Award	Cummalott	Dumbleton Weir, amongst the crocs
12	Best Location Run-Joint Award	Drip Tray	Dumbleton Weir, amongst the crocs
13	Shortest Run Award	Show Us	Farleigh Tavern, SCB’s went around the block back to the pub
14	Worst Marked Run	Zorro	Harbour….Live Hare who pissed off into the distance
15	Longest Run Award	Streaker	Who used Hot Rocks to set a marathon on the Blue Water Trail
*	‘Dirty Old Man’ Perpetual Trophy	Zorro	For his penchant for the Map of Tassie, as found on visiting Tasmanian harriettes…no names to protect the innocent…..
*	Appreciation Trophy	Mackay Bowling Club	Awarded for hosting our AGPU for the last 6 years

 

 

 

Nominations were called starting from Hash Horn and working up to GM.

Below is a list of the new committee.

 

Grand Master	Zorro
Monk	Pensioner
Monkee	Flaps
Hash Cash	Mango
Trail Master	Viagra
On Sec	Teflon
Hash Piss	WHP with willing helpers
Haberdashery	Delicious
Hash Horn	Cummalott

2nd Run Report from Snot 2015 AGPU

Held at the Mackay Bowling Club  and a popular venue it is, and why not with beers only 4.20 a schooner what more can you ask for. 34  souls turned up for the free piss and were not disappointed.

The run, the pseudo GM lacked the intestinal fortitude to get the run away on time so we ended up making him do the job again. Serves the prick right! By the time the hare returned all but 3 souls had given up on the run so they just meandered around and came back for the grog.  New hare Viagra please note, AGPU and Xmas Run are set around the block so as to encourage binge drinking and shall not exceed 1km and shall have a minimum of 1 piss stop. To this end the R A of full moon H3 Aspro set an admirable length run around the bowling green 3 piss stops, Actually more people went on this run than the one set by who knows or really gives a shit.

Our stand in GM Delicious announced at 6.30 the free piss was on. Then the standin Hash Cash Delicious, put $600 across the bar for us to drink. At 7.30 someone asked the standin Trailmaster , Delicious, where the fuk are the missing 3 clowns who did the run, this fell upon deaf ears cause no one cared.

The circle was not performed by the standin Monk, Delicious, instead Pensioner n Raddish got the show on the road blah, blah, blah ensued. Then we held the democratic elections im not sure of the outcome but someone told me that Delicious got the lot and thats a good thing because i noticed the psuedo GM talking to her until i gave him a  …………….., problem solved. FFS just let her get on and do the job like last year!

Not much else happened that i remember which is probably a good thing. The angel of Slade Point drove some of us home including The BOB and left Judas Hare to fend for himself.

Next Weeks Run is at 65 Amhurst Street, Slade point Hares Snot and AWOL aka Michelle (not her real name cause she hasnt got one.)

Till next week On On

Snot

 

Run Date: 26^th October 2015
Run No #1827
Hares: Smegma & Hot Rocks
Venue: Mongrel’s Shed at 307 Homebush Road
Hashers: 28

 

Smegma & Hotrocks— Mongrel’s shed, Rosella/Homebush Road, 26/10/15.

I have finally managed to get my legs working again, and get out of bed after the MARATHON cross country excursion HOT ROCKS and SMEGMA disguised and promoted as the best hash run of the year!!!

I joined the HARES for a pre-lube at the Mackay Bowls Club, where we had a couple of frosties waiting to be picked up by the lovely STREAKER to be taken to hash. Straight away, SMEGMA, who will now be known as The BOB, (Bushel of Bullshit) started effervescently describing the run of the year…. Only 3K‘s, a visit to a pub, and a school bus to take us home. Seeing it was close to the AGPU, I half thought this might be correct, and started thinking to myself that I might do this, as my knees were playing up, and I had considered not doing the run at all.

Then the beautiful STREAKER arrived to pick us up, and once again The BOB, started spruking the 3K’s/Pub/Bus story, and this is where I smelt a RAT. (Later that night in the circle, RADISH had seen the rat and described it well…” A big cock and a fucking big tail”

So we arrived at MONGREL’S shed, and straight away, The BOB continued on with the scam, very loudly and visibly, so all could see and hear, asking hash cash, MANGO, if she had enough cash on her for drinks at the General Gordon Hotel!

So The BOB told the pack the 3K’s/Pub/Bus story, and the trap had been set. The back of MONGRELS Big Esky refrigerated truck was opened up, the walkway was put in place and we were herded into the refrigerated van by the JUDAS HARE, HOT ROCKS. The refrigerator was blowing an arctic gale as we all took up a pozzy, and the door was locked shut. The truck started moving, and all of a sudden we felt like pig carcasses going to the butcher shop. PRICK said he knew what the outcome was going to be, caus this is what they did to the Jews when Hitler gassed them.

15 minutes later the truck came to a stop, (3k’s?) and out we got in the middle of the road, like a bunch of Mexicans just smuggled across the border into the USA.

JUDAS HARE, HOT ROCKS gave us the direction to go in, and off we went, trying to work out where we were, and more importantly, which direction was the pub in…

This is where things turned to shit. Off the bitumen and into the cane paddocks we went, and around every corner we could see big mango trees that surely was the back of the General Gordon Hotel. Sadly this never eventuated, and the walk/run just went on and on and on, until finally we hit a bitumen road with a tram line beside it. Surely we were now heading to the pub, caus as I recall there is a tram line close to the General. No deal, off into the cane paddock again, however this part was much rougher than the previous, and TARZAN and myself were wondering about how we could call 000 and get an ambulance to pick us up. VIAGRA had a thought that we might end up at JOCKSTRAPS place for a drink, but that idea evaporated into the MICROSOFT CLOUD as well.

OMG, when will this F*&%#$G walk finish….. By now TOUNGER, TARZAN, PRICK and myself were dragging our worn out limbs along the ground at the rear of the pack. RADISH said to me, “if you can make it to the dam, we will come and get you all in the 4 wheeler”.

Finally, TOUNGER led us through the cane paddock and back to the On On…  8 F*&%#$G K’s it turned out to be, no wonder we were shagged, haven’t been that far since I was a youth.

A few cold beers and all started to come good again.

The circle was called and the Monk, PENSIONER took over the proceedings. The hares, The BOB, and the JUDAS HARE were called to the front for a down down, where RADISH had a special down down brace, for a special run, that he gave to The BOB for his down down. The song was sung, and the beers went down, however The BOB was called back out again and given another beer, and was told the beer had to be downed with the braced arm. Again no deal, using the piss poor excuse that STREAKER would not take him home if he was covered in beer!!!!

PENSIONER started the jokes and this started an onslaught of jokes flying from across the circle like a table tennis ball on a table. CUMMALOT received two down downs for getting pissed and losing her horn and covering up with the spare horn, as well as another for leaving her Vodka flask in VIAGRAS tent on the away run. Mongrel got a triple as well, one for allowing us to run from his shed and supplying the food, one from the last time we visited, where his phone ended up in the fire pit, and finally one for winning so many lucky door prizes, as was noted in his trophy cabinet on the wall.

SNOT in the absence of KNOT HEAD took out the worst joke and was given a just and correct drink, and then back out again for wearing a hat in the circle. (Bloody retirees and their free drinks)

Circle ended, (a few more shit beers used up), and it was in to the tucker. MONGREL cooked up a storm of delicious hamburger patties and tasty sausages that were consumed with gusto, unlike the singing of the Mackay Hash Song. The heavy beers leftover from the big run were consumed with the expected results, and the conversation flowed freely and loudly, until the drivers and Hash Piss gave us our last drinks call.

On home we all went, ruined but happy…

The latest news just in is that The BOB and the JUDAS Hare have gone into hiding in fear of their life. Hot Rocks has disappeared for a few days, (overseas rumor has it) and The BOB has vanished to some unknown fishing hut… We will hunt them down and bring them and their families to justice.

An award for the SCAM of the year seems in place.

C U at the AGPU

The Blurrrrr

Run Date: 19^th October 2015
Run No #1826
Hares:Teflon
Venue: 37 Mango Ave Eimeo
Hashers: 27

Typical monday night on the dark side of town if it’s not people getting stabbed it’s the roadworks holding up the evenings entertainment must have been bad as no trail was set but yes here on the dark side or (south proserpine) if you prefer. We arrived late due to the aforementioned but luck was with us the run had not started, off we went runners, walkers, fat,skinny, short, tall, mentally challenged (most dark siders) with no trail set looking to find the dark side tavern after wandering the streets we finally came upon the tavern.  A few cold beers, some pizza bread and we were ready for off on the tavern bus.

Harriets first was heard but Hot Rocks said Harriers first as the free beer at the tavern had run out and the hash piss was free at the on on so the gentlemen that we are we took the first bus leaving the harriets to wait for the second bus. We waited for the harriets to arrive before The monk called the assembled to order and started to dispense justice to those who had fucked up on the away run most notably returning kennel’s clothes frozen in ice which he sat on to take his punishment.

Raggedy Ann was celebrating her birthday that night. She took a down down of ‘tun’ & actually liked it! Snot was then charged and found guilty of going to Golly’s for the run ‘what did i say about mental disorders on the dark side’. Radish for his swan dive off the bus on friday night but he did save the pizza, Smegma was once again unfairly charged for some trumped up reason the monk once again put his life in danger charging Mango for having a birthday age not disclosed, some pretty feeble jokes some other charges cant remember them bring back Pea bea so we can get some decent jokes. The hash song was sung if you can call that singing.

 

Nosh was served leftovers from the weekend eggs bacon etc etc average nosh, more beers leftovers heavy beer from the weekend.

Congratulations must go to Zorro (the second best gm we have ever had behind Knothead) for leading his committee to a great away weekend they have done such a great job we should vote the same committee in again for another year.

See you all at next weeks run at 306 Homebush road

On On Smegma

Hillbilly Hash Flyer 2015

Run Date: 12^th October 2015
Run No #1824
Hares: Daffodil & Corgie
Venue: Darcy Parade, Kerridale
Hashers: 31

31 Hashers came out of the woodwork for Daffodil & Corgi’s run at Kerrisdale, which included MD & Kennel from Cutlery H3 who arrived in Mackay by boat and are parked up at the Marina, also here for our Hash Run on the week-end.

Off we launched into the never never. Some thought they would head for the tractor parked in the field, but then suddenly it started heading towards us. No rest for the farmers! Which way now, follow Raggedy, Champion & Breaststroke or the rest of the pack? Oh wait, JCF & Cummalott came up on us very quickly and at a rapid pace zoomed past. Some went this way, and some went that way but eventually we met back where we had parked in Darcy Parade. Had a good look around at the new Kerrisdale Gardens high rise building, very impressive.

Daffodil & Corgi announced the Hash Nosh would be across the round-about at the park near Dawson Blvd, only this turned into a debacle with the closure of the roundabout near the Golf Course. A convoy of cars taking the long & only way to get there, what was to be a 3 min dash across the road probably turned into 13 mins to get to our destination, but for Oui Oui & Champion it took them 33 mins.

As soon as we arrived lights were set up and Corgi was set up in no time.  Good scouts they are. Mango was knocked down in the rush with willing payers. Circle was called. In Pensioner’s & Radish’s absence Zorro & Golly took the floor still using the ‘Tun’ beer which everyone seems to hate but we seem to have a never ending supply of it???

Charge for returning runner Showus and visitors MD & Kennel, Hamo (who’s Hamo) as his number plate just happens to be ‘TUN’ – team with the theme! More charges were called, Snot for hat in circle which resulted in MD serenading – one of their songs for the ladies she said, we’ll have to get a copy of that one MD for our repertoire. Champion was called to the floor for her sip of beer can’t remember why you were charged though, was it because you were a returning runner?

Club song sung to end the circle and Corgi brought over her huge pot of beef stew that fed the hungry hashers very nicely.

 

On On

Teflon

 

Run Date: 5^th October 2015
Run No #1823
Hares: McFanny
Venue: 13 Grasstrail Avenue Andergrove
Hashers: 24

 

24 Hashers with 3 runners Park to Park to Park Run

 

Out front McFanny called and we all gathered to follow the arrows or lime trail. Across Bedford road to the park pathway and down Fernleigh avenue, right into Maple Drive. I could see Who hasn’t Paid and Hottie disappearing into the distance. Plenty of arrows and a double arrow when it changed direction. Past the shop and right again into Karwin Drive veering left into the park before new houses. Left into Tropical Avenue and down to the next park turn right into the drain. I went left checking but no marks on back I went down the drain to Fleurs Way past the neighbourhood centre and crossed over to beside the new Woodlands estate where a mulch fire was smoking. The trail lead back to the Woodlands reserve pathway and on home. Daffodil and JCF reconned they were the only ones to do the whole trail but I didn’t check with Hottie and Who hasn’t paid if they

went into the reserve on the way home for I didn’t. I thought the marks were just under the parked cars until I found one at Paper Bark Way.

Nuts and dip were almost empty for we started on them before the run. Mactavish the foxy was ready to heel up the Harriers who teased him. There was talk on costumes for the big run. Suggestions from Delicious to Drip Tray who she could go as. Ma Kettle I think was suggested.

GM’s from Rocky and Townsville Delicious said were coming to the Mackay Run.

 

Circle called and we sang our Hash song first instead of at the end of the circle. That was different.

Laughter could be heard all over the neighbourhood I expect from the Jokes, Charges and True stories. Laughter is so good for the soul. Delicious, Cummalot and Radish reported on Rocky’s

2000^th Run. Snot got a down down for the worst billy cart driver. Viagra got a down down reward for getting a job as a fireman after Cummalots joke on 1,2,3 bells. Streaker took her down down for what I can’t remember but Hottie said I can’t get you out of this one. Hooker took her down down too for having her car sign on up side down. Did Snot do this he was parked behind her?

Announcements made McFanny brought out her hot potato wedges with dips of cream chilli and hot and spicy followed by meat balls in sauce and macaroni cheese.

 

Thanks McFanny Great Effort you did it all.

 

Cheers Corgi & Daffodil

 

Run Date: 28th September
Run No #1822
Hares: Golly & Raggedy Ann
Venue: 4 Trochus Court Shoal Point
Hashers: 28

A group of usual suspects made the long and winding journey out to Shoal Point for Raggedy Ann’s run (aided and abetted by Golly).

On arrival we were greeted with a fancy new house front – well man shed front really, Golly has been splashing out his cash from his meagre (so he says!) pension pot on a large concrete area and fancy overhead shade, very flash indeed.

Without further ado, the pack, already tightly coiled springs burst into inertia and soon scattered to fuck knows where in the Shoal Point area. I’m sure Golly set a run but whether it was followed is another question…………….

All I can tell you is that it was well marked and was uphill on sand followed by a downhill section on sand. Golly did manage to put on scenery that was worthy of comment. There was the sunset view from the beach just disappearing and when you looked round the large moon was pretty spectacular, ahh old McFanny is getting sentimental. However, as this was an alternate route from the main run so you may not have seen this but if you were a short cutting bastard then you would have so tough if ya missed it!

When everyone did meander back, Raggedy Ann was at the ready with very hot mini pies.  Then an ensued lot of the usual banter and crap following this, the circle was formed. 2 young virgin runners aka grandkids of Raggedy and Golly (funny they are quite tall) who are now old enough to listen to old men tell rude jokes and swear a lot were given a welcome down down.  Brian, an old timer brought by Hooker has been a hasher in the past was guilty of many misdemeanours, hat and sunglasses in the circle as well as taking calls, plenty of down downs for him. Rats Arse showed up and joined in as a returning runner.

There were so many awful jokes that many of the hashers were heard to say, “Is Knothead here?” and then as usual it disintegrated into the usual schmozzle that is Mackay Hash. Club song was sang with the usual gusto and then we got eat a bbq delight cooked by Golly which consisted of eggs made fancy with capsicum rings around them, steak, sausages and salad.

Hooker won the wine for the raffle which a few promptly opened and drank – you can always rely on a hasher for this. Delicious won the whisky so drinks are on her.

All then buggered off home when the beer had dwindled to nearly nothing.

On On McFanny

 

Run Date: 21st September
Run No #1821
Hares: Pensioner & Mango
Venue: 12 Douglas Crescent Rural View
Hashers: 26

A fine fit off so called runners gathered at the Monks Praying house.

26 in all all ready to go not a hill in sight must be the flattest place in Mackay

If you listen to our monk. Got our normal run off bull shit no hills marked

On left if not on right chalk yellow paint flower. Off we went Hotty off with

WHP towards Quarry hill first cheque runners headed off wrong way an decided

To set their own run rest of pack went other way. Along more paths some hills

Over gullies dive bomb by plovers over more &^%$ hills. Some found  another

Way home.

 

Circle was called Harriet’s must have missed each other could stop yacking in circle

Down Downs for Hare Old runner 2 moons& Mr scribble  visiting runner xtractit

Some jokes were told Monk was happy to see Hotty back so he could put some

Shit on Irish Fucking poor effect on down down songs Song was just as bad need

To tune up for away run

 

Hash nosh was served fine meal with plenty of garlic bread  Sat around talking

More crap than someone decided to leave. Have you been to a club and see what

Happens when the members draw has been drawn same thing.

 

Golly is raffling off the last 3 bottles of the finest reds so if you haven’t got a ticket

Woy Woy not.

 

See you Monday 28 9 15 at gollys.

 

ON-ON GOLLY.