Run Date: 26^th October 2015
Run No #1827
Hares: Smegma & Hot Rocks
Venue: Mongrel’s Shed at 307 Homebush Road
Hashers: 28

 

Smegma & Hotrocks— Mongrel’s shed, Rosella/Homebush Road, 26/10/15.

I have finally managed to get my legs working again, and get out of bed after the MARATHON cross country excursion HOT ROCKS and SMEGMA disguised and promoted as the best hash run of the year!!!

I joined the HARES for a pre-lube at the Mackay Bowls Club, where we had a couple of frosties waiting to be picked up by the lovely STREAKER to be taken to hash. Straight away, SMEGMA, who will now be known as The BOB, (Bushel of Bullshit) started effervescently describing the run of the year…. Only 3K‘s, a visit to a pub, and a school bus to take us home. Seeing it was close to the AGPU, I half thought this might be correct, and started thinking to myself that I might do this, as my knees were playing up, and I had considered not doing the run at all.

Then the beautiful STREAKER arrived to pick us up, and once again The BOB, started spruking the 3K’s/Pub/Bus story, and this is where I smelt a RAT. (Later that night in the circle, RADISH had seen the rat and described it well…” A big cock and a fucking big tail”

So we arrived at MONGREL’S shed, and straight away, The BOB continued on with the scam, very loudly and visibly, so all could see and hear, asking hash cash, MANGO, if she had enough cash on her for drinks at the General Gordon Hotel!

So The BOB told the pack the 3K’s/Pub/Bus story, and the trap had been set. The back of MONGRELS Big Esky refrigerated truck was opened up, the walkway was put in place and we were herded into the refrigerated van by the JUDAS HARE, HOT ROCKS. The refrigerator was blowing an arctic gale as we all took up a pozzy, and the door was locked shut. The truck started moving, and all of a sudden we felt like pig carcasses going to the butcher shop. PRICK said he knew what the outcome was going to be, caus this is what they did to the Jews when Hitler gassed them.

15 minutes later the truck came to a stop, (3k’s?) and out we got in the middle of the road, like a bunch of Mexicans just smuggled across the border into the USA.

JUDAS HARE, HOT ROCKS gave us the direction to go in, and off we went, trying to work out where we were, and more importantly, which direction was the pub in…

This is where things turned to shit. Off the bitumen and into the cane paddocks we went, and around every corner we could see big mango trees that surely was the back of the General Gordon Hotel. Sadly this never eventuated, and the walk/run just went on and on and on, until finally we hit a bitumen road with a tram line beside it. Surely we were now heading to the pub, caus as I recall there is a tram line close to the General. No deal, off into the cane paddock again, however this part was much rougher than the previous, and TARZAN and myself were wondering about how we could call 000 and get an ambulance to pick us up. VIAGRA had a thought that we might end up at JOCKSTRAPS place for a drink, but that idea evaporated into the MICROSOFT CLOUD as well.

OMG, when will this F*&%#$G walk finish….. By now TOUNGER, TARZAN, PRICK and myself were dragging our worn out limbs along the ground at the rear of the pack. RADISH said to me, “if you can make it to the dam, we will come and get you all in the 4 wheeler”.

Finally, TOUNGER led us through the cane paddock and back to the On On…  8 F*&%#$G K’s it turned out to be, no wonder we were shagged, haven’t been that far since I was a youth.

A few cold beers and all started to come good again.

The circle was called and the Monk, PENSIONER took over the proceedings. The hares, The BOB, and the JUDAS HARE were called to the front for a down down, where RADISH had a special down down brace, for a special run, that he gave to The BOB for his down down. The song was sung, and the beers went down, however The BOB was called back out again and given another beer, and was told the beer had to be downed with the braced arm. Again no deal, using the piss poor excuse that STREAKER would not take him home if he was covered in beer!!!!

PENSIONER started the jokes and this started an onslaught of jokes flying from across the circle like a table tennis ball on a table. CUMMALOT received two down downs for getting pissed and losing her horn and covering up with the spare horn, as well as another for leaving her Vodka flask in VIAGRAS tent on the away run. Mongrel got a triple as well, one for allowing us to run from his shed and supplying the food, one from the last time we visited, where his phone ended up in the fire pit, and finally one for winning so many lucky door prizes, as was noted in his trophy cabinet on the wall.

SNOT in the absence of KNOT HEAD took out the worst joke and was given a just and correct drink, and then back out again for wearing a hat in the circle. (Bloody retirees and their free drinks)

Circle ended, (a few more shit beers used up), and it was in to the tucker. MONGREL cooked up a storm of delicious hamburger patties and tasty sausages that were consumed with gusto, unlike the singing of the Mackay Hash Song. The heavy beers leftover from the big run were consumed with the expected results, and the conversation flowed freely and loudly, until the drivers and Hash Piss gave us our last drinks call.

On home we all went, ruined but happy…

The latest news just in is that The BOB and the JUDAS Hare have gone into hiding in fear of their life. Hot Rocks has disappeared for a few days, (overseas rumor has it) and The BOB has vanished to some unknown fishing hut… We will hunt them down and bring them and their families to justice.

An award for the SCAM of the year seems in place.

C U at the AGPU

The Blurrrrr

Run Date: 19^th October 2015
Run No #1826
Hares:Teflon
Venue: 37 Mango Ave Eimeo
Hashers: 27

Typical monday night on the dark side of town if it’s not people getting stabbed it’s the roadworks holding up the evenings entertainment must have been bad as no trail was set but yes here on the dark side or (south proserpine) if you prefer. We arrived late due to the aforementioned but luck was with us the run had not started, off we went runners, walkers, fat,skinny, short, tall, mentally challenged (most dark siders) with no trail set looking to find the dark side tavern after wandering the streets we finally came upon the tavern.  A few cold beers, some pizza bread and we were ready for off on the tavern bus.

Harriets first was heard but Hot Rocks said Harriers first as the free beer at the tavern had run out and the hash piss was free at the on on so the gentlemen that we are we took the first bus leaving the harriets to wait for the second bus. We waited for the harriets to arrive before The monk called the assembled to order and started to dispense justice to those who had fucked up on the away run most notably returning kennel’s clothes frozen in ice which he sat on to take his punishment.

Raggedy Ann was celebrating her birthday that night. She took a down down of ‘tun’ & actually liked it! Snot was then charged and found guilty of going to Golly’s for the run ‘what did i say about mental disorders on the dark side’. Radish for his swan dive off the bus on friday night but he did save the pizza, Smegma was once again unfairly charged for some trumped up reason the monk once again put his life in danger charging Mango for having a birthday age not disclosed, some pretty feeble jokes some other charges cant remember them bring back Pea bea so we can get some decent jokes. The hash song was sung if you can call that singing.

 

Nosh was served leftovers from the weekend eggs bacon etc etc average nosh, more beers leftovers heavy beer from the weekend.

Congratulations must go to Zorro (the second best gm we have ever had behind Knothead) for leading his committee to a great away weekend they have done such a great job we should vote the same committee in again for another year.

See you all at next weeks run at 306 Homebush road

On On Smegma

Hillbilly Hash Flyer 2015

Run Date: 12^th October 2015
Run No #1824
Hares: Daffodil & Corgie
Venue: Darcy Parade, Kerridale
Hashers: 31

31 Hashers came out of the woodwork for Daffodil & Corgi’s run at Kerrisdale, which included MD & Kennel from Cutlery H3 who arrived in Mackay by boat and are parked up at the Marina, also here for our Hash Run on the week-end.

Off we launched into the never never. Some thought they would head for the tractor parked in the field, but then suddenly it started heading towards us. No rest for the farmers! Which way now, follow Raggedy, Champion & Breaststroke or the rest of the pack? Oh wait, JCF & Cummalott came up on us very quickly and at a rapid pace zoomed past. Some went this way, and some went that way but eventually we met back where we had parked in Darcy Parade. Had a good look around at the new Kerrisdale Gardens high rise building, very impressive.

Daffodil & Corgi announced the Hash Nosh would be across the round-about at the park near Dawson Blvd, only this turned into a debacle with the closure of the roundabout near the Golf Course. A convoy of cars taking the long & only way to get there, what was to be a 3 min dash across the road probably turned into 13 mins to get to our destination, but for Oui Oui & Champion it took them 33 mins.

As soon as we arrived lights were set up and Corgi was set up in no time.  Good scouts they are. Mango was knocked down in the rush with willing payers. Circle was called. In Pensioner’s & Radish’s absence Zorro & Golly took the floor still using the ‘Tun’ beer which everyone seems to hate but we seem to have a never ending supply of it???

Charge for returning runner Showus and visitors MD & Kennel, Hamo (who’s Hamo) as his number plate just happens to be ‘TUN’ – team with the theme! More charges were called, Snot for hat in circle which resulted in MD serenading – one of their songs for the ladies she said, we’ll have to get a copy of that one MD for our repertoire. Champion was called to the floor for her sip of beer can’t remember why you were charged though, was it because you were a returning runner?

Club song sung to end the circle and Corgi brought over her huge pot of beef stew that fed the hungry hashers very nicely.

 

On On

Teflon

 

Run Date: 5^th October 2015
Run No #1823
Hares: McFanny
Venue: 13 Grasstrail Avenue Andergrove
Hashers: 24

 

24 Hashers with 3 runners Park to Park to Park Run

 

Out front McFanny called and we all gathered to follow the arrows or lime trail. Across Bedford road to the park pathway and down Fernleigh avenue, right into Maple Drive. I could see Who hasn’t Paid and Hottie disappearing into the distance. Plenty of arrows and a double arrow when it changed direction. Past the shop and right again into Karwin Drive veering left into the park before new houses. Left into Tropical Avenue and down to the next park turn right into the drain. I went left checking but no marks on back I went down the drain to Fleurs Way past the neighbourhood centre and crossed over to beside the new Woodlands estate where a mulch fire was smoking. The trail lead back to the Woodlands reserve pathway and on home. Daffodil and JCF reconned they were the only ones to do the whole trail but I didn’t check with Hottie and Who hasn’t paid if they

went into the reserve on the way home for I didn’t. I thought the marks were just under the parked cars until I found one at Paper Bark Way.

Nuts and dip were almost empty for we started on them before the run. Mactavish the foxy was ready to heel up the Harriers who teased him. There was talk on costumes for the big run. Suggestions from Delicious to Drip Tray who she could go as. Ma Kettle I think was suggested.

GM’s from Rocky and Townsville Delicious said were coming to the Mackay Run.

 

Circle called and we sang our Hash song first instead of at the end of the circle. That was different.

Laughter could be heard all over the neighbourhood I expect from the Jokes, Charges and True stories. Laughter is so good for the soul. Delicious, Cummalot and Radish reported on Rocky’s

2000^th Run. Snot got a down down for the worst billy cart driver. Viagra got a down down reward for getting a job as a fireman after Cummalots joke on 1,2,3 bells. Streaker took her down down for what I can’t remember but Hottie said I can’t get you out of this one. Hooker took her down down too for having her car sign on up side down. Did Snot do this he was parked behind her?

Announcements made McFanny brought out her hot potato wedges with dips of cream chilli and hot and spicy followed by meat balls in sauce and macaroni cheese.

 

Thanks McFanny Great Effort you did it all.

 

Cheers Corgi & Daffodil

 

Run Date: 28th September
Run No #1822
Hares: Golly & Raggedy Ann
Venue: 4 Trochus Court Shoal Point
Hashers: 28

A group of usual suspects made the long and winding journey out to Shoal Point for Raggedy Ann’s run (aided and abetted by Golly).

On arrival we were greeted with a fancy new house front – well man shed front really, Golly has been splashing out his cash from his meagre (so he says!) pension pot on a large concrete area and fancy overhead shade, very flash indeed.

Without further ado, the pack, already tightly coiled springs burst into inertia and soon scattered to fuck knows where in the Shoal Point area. I’m sure Golly set a run but whether it was followed is another question…………….

All I can tell you is that it was well marked and was uphill on sand followed by a downhill section on sand. Golly did manage to put on scenery that was worthy of comment. There was the sunset view from the beach just disappearing and when you looked round the large moon was pretty spectacular, ahh old McFanny is getting sentimental. However, as this was an alternate route from the main run so you may not have seen this but if you were a short cutting bastard then you would have so tough if ya missed it!

When everyone did meander back, Raggedy Ann was at the ready with very hot mini pies.  Then an ensued lot of the usual banter and crap following this, the circle was formed. 2 young virgin runners aka grandkids of Raggedy and Golly (funny they are quite tall) who are now old enough to listen to old men tell rude jokes and swear a lot were given a welcome down down.  Brian, an old timer brought by Hooker has been a hasher in the past was guilty of many misdemeanours, hat and sunglasses in the circle as well as taking calls, plenty of down downs for him. Rats Arse showed up and joined in as a returning runner.

There were so many awful jokes that many of the hashers were heard to say, “Is Knothead here?” and then as usual it disintegrated into the usual schmozzle that is Mackay Hash. Club song was sang with the usual gusto and then we got eat a bbq delight cooked by Golly which consisted of eggs made fancy with capsicum rings around them, steak, sausages and salad.

Hooker won the wine for the raffle which a few promptly opened and drank – you can always rely on a hasher for this. Delicious won the whisky so drinks are on her.

All then buggered off home when the beer had dwindled to nearly nothing.

On On McFanny

 

Run Date: 21st September
Run No #1821
Hares: Pensioner & Mango
Venue: 12 Douglas Crescent Rural View
Hashers: 26

A fine fit off so called runners gathered at the Monks Praying house.

26 in all all ready to go not a hill in sight must be the flattest place in Mackay

If you listen to our monk. Got our normal run off bull shit no hills marked

On left if not on right chalk yellow paint flower. Off we went Hotty off with

WHP towards Quarry hill first cheque runners headed off wrong way an decided

To set their own run rest of pack went other way. Along more paths some hills

Over gullies dive bomb by plovers over more &^%$ hills. Some found  another

Way home.

 

Circle was called Harriet’s must have missed each other could stop yacking in circle

Down Downs for Hare Old runner 2 moons& Mr scribble  visiting runner xtractit

Some jokes were told Monk was happy to see Hotty back so he could put some

Shit on Irish Fucking poor effect on down down songs Song was just as bad need

To tune up for away run

 

Hash nosh was served fine meal with plenty of garlic bread  Sat around talking

More crap than someone decided to leave. Have you been to a club and see what

Happens when the members draw has been drawn same thing.

 

Golly is raffling off the last 3 bottles of the finest reds so if you haven’t got a ticket

Woy Woy not.

 

See you Monday 28 9 15 at gollys.

 

ON-ON GOLLY.

 

Run Date: 14^th September
Run No #1820
Hare: Nicka Licka
Venue: Seaview Park Bucasia Esplanade Bucasia
Hashers: 18

 

A smaller turn-up than usual, but 18 intrepid hashers made it to Beautiful Bucasia Beach.
A torrential downpour in the late afternoon had 2 remarkable results:
1. Blurry on his motorcycle discovered than rain is wet.
2. Knicker’s chalk trail was not waterproof, and merrily slid down the gutter.
Nevertheless, Knicker called us to attention and explained where the chalk marks used to be, and sent us on our way. We were almost immediately accosted by a very irate Plover protecting 3 tiny chicks, but on we marched into the gloomy backblocks of Bucasia. Amid lots of horn blowing and searching for washed away checks, the mob moved cautiously forward, but a wrong turn by Blurry, Snot and myself saw us off-trail and, remarkably, back at the beer a little earlier than expected.
A short time later the rest of the crew wandered in, and began slurping beer and talking rubbish, followed by Knicker’s chicken soup and more beer…… a fine combination.
Then, amazingly, the entire mob rose to their feet, turned towards yours truely The Monk, and fell into silence. A few minutes passed, I looked at Golly, Golly looked at me, and then said, very quietly, “Form a circle”. And bugger me, there they were, circle formed, ready to go!

So, a down down for the hare, served up in Tun Mid, which according to the can, is brewed in USA, canned in China, imported by some fool in Melb, and basically tastes like shit.
Blurry, when asked to explain his recent birthday, broke into the old Beatles classic “When I’m 64.” A down down was earned by that rendition. The GM Zorro charged Tamara with bringing too much class to Hash by drinking from a wine glass. The charged was quickly reversed, as Tamara has more class than Zorro’s ever likely to have. Knothead told 2 appalling jokes, both of which earned him a date with the aforementioned Tun Mid. Zorro also added some jokes, as did The Monk, having to remove Hotrock’s name and reverting to the original Paddy, since Hotty was apparently too hung over from the weekend to turn up.

Mango was awarded a Mackay Hash cap for 50 runs. And a tasty Tun to go with it.

The song was sung, and the circle closed.
Knicker Licker then produced a gastronomical delight…. let’s see….. there was chicken curry, fried rice, a tasty potato dish, and plenty of it….. unlike next week, when you’ll get a sausage on bread!

More talking of shit, and the troops started to move off, and by 8.30 it was all over red rover.

Well done Knicker, another fine night.

OnOn Pensioner.

 

 

Run Date: 7^th September
Run No #1819
Hare: Popeye
Venue: 7 Mezin Road Habana
Hashers: 18

 

Not the same level of excitement as last week , turning up at a crime scene, but different just the same.  Preparation for the run was a little different because this week we had to take a cut lunch and water bag  just to get there.  Needless to say this produced the usual reaction from the” dark side”  with only the intrepid Corgi and Daffodil  turning up AGAIN ” Well done you two! “

The TRUE hashers assembled at the spacious abode of Popeye to be greeted   by Cummalot salivating and having hot flushes over the very large testicular shape paw paws on his trees. It must have made quite an impression  because once the run started she was off like a flash, torch wavering frantically around checking out the rump steaks grazing peacefully in their fields.

The run was  a complete departure from previous Habana  runs  “no bloody heart break hill” well done that man.  Lots of brownie points for that.  For those who  were not very familiar with cane fields, well you are now. I think we saw every variety.  It was a stimulating run especially walking back along the bitumen raceway track to home.

We all made it, with Tamara doing a sterling  job escorting  Flaps safely home to some welcome soothing refreshments before the circle started.

Pensioner was back and eventually managed to get the circle formed away from the fire. The circle has recently developed into a delightfully evil event. THIS WILL BE EXPLAINED LATER. The hare was called up for three well  earned charges, the last by Tamara who pointed out that there was no sweeper  to ensure that almost virgin runners  like herself, were not left  abandoned in the banjo playing  hills of Habana.  Next was “fucked” followed by “hooker”  :-  is there a pattern here?,  then zorro and golly.

Now to explain the evil.  All down downs were in TUN  BEER universally condemned as tasting like shit.   Hehe  Good One  Hehe

Song sung , circle closed.

Nosh was served with a popular pumpkin soup followed by curry and not gluggy rice and was enjoyed by all .  A relaxing sit around the fire with more refreshments and jokes  all departed to their various showers and beds to finish off a good night.

Good run  Good food  Good night

on  on Nicka

Run Date: 31st August 2015
Run No #1818
Hare: Tarzan
Venue: John Breen Park
Hashers: 25 

 

Turning up at John Breen park found us all in amongst a police crime scene from a stabbing/bashing in the park the night before, with forensic inspectors doing their bit in and around the public toilets.

Anyway, we all headed off on the run, which was fairly good, with some muddy creek crossings to make the run more interesting, and a short piss stop at Tarboy’s place, before heading back to the park finish.

After suffering a few after- run beverages, it was decided to move the venue away for under the scruteny of Mr Plod, and we moved down the Goose Ponds to the spot near the bowlo, which worked out well, except for the lack of a loo.

The circle was called, with the lack of our elustrious monk in presence, but our monkee handled the job ok with help from Golly , and the hash tucker of American style hotdogs was enjoyed by all.

We were joined on the run by Scarey Eyeball, passing through on her way down south, and Dragonlady was offered a down-down for returning after her brief absence.

The meeting broke up and we are all looking forward to next weeks run out at Popeye’s place at Habana, see you all there,

Hooroo and On On from Viagra