Run Date: 6/4/15 (Easter Monday)
Hare: Knicker-Licker
Venue: Bucasia Beach Park
Hashers: 14

A mere 14 souls braved the elements to gather at Bucasia amid brooding grey skies and brilliant lightning. (The rest of the troops possibly weaving home from Easter or too bloody pissed to get there).

Knicker regaled us with stories of multi-coloured tape for runners and walkers alike, assured us there was no sand and gleefully sent us off in the direction of the sandy beach. Amid the lightning the rain began to fall prompting everyone to abandon such silliness and head back to the beer, with the notable exeption of WHP, who managed to complete the run. He then stripped off his wet gear and wiped his face with an old pair of jocks found in the depths of his car.

The circle was called, but as everyone huddled beneath the shelter roof, the circle became a rectangle. The Monk, recently returned from riding all over the country, launched into some poorly-received jokes and then gave up. Down downs for the hare, and for Driptray for wearing a hat in the circle….. er, rectangle. Radish received one for rushing off to a 4X4 sale, only to find there was no sale at all. Gary was then called forward to explain himself. It seems the redoubtable Mr Buttons has journeyed to The Philippines in the company of one Baagoose and one OuiOui, where, during a visit to Subic Bay H3, was officially named…… Jenny Craig’s Fucked.

In the interests of decorum, we decided to abbreviate that long moniker, but were unable to agree on JCF, or simply Fucked. I think Fucked will probably win.

Knicker-licker then produced a gastronomical delight…..an excellent cob dip, and……

 

Yep… that’s coloured rice…..which Cummalot took pleasure in destroying, and two curries. In case that wasn’t hot enough a selection of Hot, Bloody Hot and Faaaaarrrkkkk sauces were also produced.

The troops dived in, but around half was leftover, so Knicker’s right for a feed for the rest of the week.

More talking of shit and drinking of beer followed, until everyone decided en mass that enough was enough and headed off into the night. A small but enjoyable gathering.

OnOn Pensioner.

 

 

Run Date: 30th March 2015
Hare: Prick
Venue:  From under the south end of the Ron Camm bridge near the carpark and walkway..
Hashers: 22

 

On a stormy looking evening a motley group of hashers gathered on the dark and swampy side of the river,” No amount of walkways and paths built by council will ever improve this side of town.”

In a magnanimous gesture of good will and charity, a apprentice saint from the enlightened side has bravely ventured into the wilds of bouganville to try, for a few hours at least, to bring some peace and tranquillity to this troubled region.

SHUT UP SMEGMA

In tune with the confused psychic of these southern soles the enlightened hare wisely set a false trail, first up, so that they would have to return to start, where they were pointed in the right direction. Not given a choice, it saved confusion. By this time there was a reasonable mix of light and dark side hashers so the locals could be guided out of the false trails and dead ends. Although it must be said that the primeval cunning of the wisest of the locals came in handy in avoiding the darkest areas and other dangers.

We were also fortunate that the largest and loudest of the dark side’s protagonists decided that he would do his own trail which was a straight line to a point then straight back again. He was heard muttering something about a bad hip.  It’s probably gout.   (See paragraph 3)

Finally at almost exactly the one hour mark, all had returned to the esky. Except for the usual short cutters who arrived earlier.

The circle followed with the hare and others receiving the usual down downs. There was also a virgin runner and two visitors who also partook in the downing of amber liquid. There was one hasher who actually owned up to stupidity and nominated himself for a down down,  and was voted most worthy   ( see paragraph 5 )  Then the dark side weather struck and it pissed down, circle was closed without song and wimps ran for cover.

At this point we witnessed what must be some sort of dark side ritual. The table was picked up, with food, and rushed over under the Ron Camm bridge.  What this was for I have no idea, but I have seen something similar on a Dolmio add.  When they realised that the table was no were the esky they brought it back again.  Weird !

Another strange event took place, when the table was being returned the locals rushed around telling everyone to hide their drinks because the police were coming and we were not allowed to drink in a public place.  But it was only Drip Tray and Cummalot  wearing their hi vis  work raincoats.  Strange!

The Nosh was good and we all survived the night. With the evening almost over and the beer running low we quietly packed up, crossed over the bridge back to the enlightened side.

On On

Nicka Licker

Run Date: 23rd March 2015
Hare: Hot Rocks
Venue:  22 Sneyd Street Mackay
Hashers: 23

 

No run report – Prick forgot

Run Date: 16th March 2015
Hare: Showus
Venue: Farview Tavern 22 Chidlow Street Farleigh
Hashers: 26

 

Run report for Showus’ Run by  Hottie- (you’re a slack bastard so this report will be too)

All gathered up the hill in front of Farview Tavern. Showus pointed us down the hill and off we went. Very nice run through the back of Farleigh, through Cane paddocks and sugar mill till this SCB headed on-back.
Hash piss was opened then circle called.
Down downs were called for virgin runner, Karen, Showus’ partner, Peter, Delicious, Cumalott, Pub manager, Josh…. maybe some others. Congrats and towels were presented to Knicka – 217 runs and Smeg – 200 runs. We all thought the poo brown was a suitably shit colour for them both.
Jokes were told and circle closed.
Hash nosh was yummo – ta Josh- and a hashy time was had by all.
On On
Cummalott

Run Date: 9th March 2015
Hare: TARZAN
Venue: 4 Evans Avenue North Mackay
Hashers: 17

Well not a really big turn up for a change, only 17 runner/walkers.  Everyone arrived reasonably early but then to our amazement without 69 degrees there, everyone was still sitting and chatting at 6.05pm.

Tarzan gave us our instructions, asked Hot Rocks if he and any others were running but they indicated they were walking.  There was a piss stop, but of course Tarz had the key to the car with the goodies.

So off we set, across the road from the Kooyong, turning right towards the river, up the stoney ridge and under the bridge (he was only thinking of the short people), then up Sams Road for a couple of Ks, left onto the dirt road that comes out at Cremorne. The runners missed the pissed stop (who were supposed to be walking), cause they couldn’t find the car, and of course had no key for the drinkies anyway. Took us walkers about an hour which, all in all was a good run.

Back the Tarzans for gossiping, dips and the circle.

Not many jokes (well Pensioner had a few to be desired), Hottie charged for Viagra for being the worst shortcutter, said he was running but only ran to the Post Office and then when Hottie looked around Viagra had disappeared (we can only think, that he went back to Tarz’s to make sure no-one was getting into the piss early).

Nosh was curry and rice, full of snags and veges. Well done.

On On
SHOWUS

Run Date: 2^nd March 2015
Hare: WHP
Venue: 16 Lochmaben Court Beaconsfield
Hashers: 25

Another super special from WHP.(I thought). About 25 or so gathered at the start of what was an interesting stroll through Andergrove/Beaconsfield area with a few new sub-divisions thrown in for good measure. Lots of cross country & not too much roadways made for a good little workout but 10 of us still got horribly lost.

The circle was rather tame as our resident joke tellers were either absent or sadly lacking in new material. None spring to mind as particularly noteworthy. WHP copped a couple of down downs only because he didn,t have to drive home. Prick also for stealing the vessels from right in front of the Monk!!!

However the highlight of the night was Radars Nosh. His cooking talents were exceptional. Dessert also was served to the delight of all. Hard act to follow Birthday boy. Hashy birthday song for Radar who was rescued by Breaststroke after a big night. Tarzans run this week should be right for chairs as I have about 25 here. See you Monday.

On On
Tarzan.
 

Run Date: 23^rd February 2015
Hare: Shocker
Venue:–  9 Hi-Grove Tce Andergrove
Hashers: 24

 

A true account of Mondays hash Run / Stroll

Rabble assembled at Shockers place

Usual hashers and new member Gary (Welcome) and the illustrious Central Queensland Regional GM. As 69⁰ was not present we were not herded of at exactly 1800 hours

We headed of towards Woollies on Oak St. via lots of other streets, then all the way along the walk path to Andergrove Rd we found arrows leading to the Tavern for a piss stop, as we front runners approached said piss stop, there wandering around in dazed fashion northerly of the tavern we noticed Knothead obviously took a short cut. Christie (not hash dubbed but it is in hand)  was given strict instructions to only buy the front runners a thimble full of beer. So the 3 front runners and Knothead sculled that and headed of on the trek to the Esky. Back to Bedford road and on to Tropical Avenue threw the park following the waft of Esky. Hotrocks set of at scorching pace and apparently took a long cut home I think he said he visited Mc Fannies, Delicious’s, and Nickers old place before he worked out how to follow the scent of the esky.

The walkers all trundled in while we bashed at the mossies and sprayed and rolled goo on to keep them off.

The circle was called the usual moaning and whinging could be heard till the rabble was formed to the satisfaction of the Monk

A down down for Shocker as hare.

Some jokes and fines where dished out, Mackay hash song was sung and then we got on with the important stuff.

Hash Nosh was rice and curry and some other dish all yummy thanks to the cooks.

Run Length 5.57km long

Hotrocks did 7.1km

Knothead did 3.2km

On On
WHP (Alias Hamo)

 

Run Date: 16th February 2015

Hare: Cummalott & Drip Tray

Venue: Lot 42 Mallia Road Dumbelton Weir

Hashers: 30ish

 

The hopeful hashers turned up to the banks of the old Pioneer eager to get into the beer. OnOn was called and down the hill we went then back up to the hill to a false trail that Hot Rocks pretended to tie his shoe so all the runner had to get to the top before he called on back. Off through the cane paddocks with plenty more false trails and a little bit of mud. Back onto the Maraju-Yakapari Rd with the river on the left then back to the Mallia Rd corner where there was a on Home.

When the walkers got back to the shed, it was on down to the Weir for a float down the river, but the hour was getting late and the local fisher persons gave Smegma a warning about the 2m Bull sharks seen in the waters. Cummalott and Andy were already floating down the river as the twilight faded and it was a bit too dark for everyone else. Everyone enjoyed the sun setting over the weir then it was on back up to the shed. On the way back Nicka took a tumble back down the hill with the bucket of hash piss going everywhere.

We had some great nibbles then the Circle was called. The hares Cummalot and DT got a down down as did Zorro for becoming the GM of Rocky Hash. Nicka Licka got one for wasting all the hash piss, Cummalot got a second down down for her Hashy birthday, two new runners had down downs and Shocker got a down down and was given cider instead of beer. Raggedy Ann was presented with her keyring for 100 runs. Wee Wee’s Cup was returned engraved as per hash rules after a lot of fuss. Mackay Hash song was belted out and the circle was closed. Hash Nosh was excellent and plenty was had by everyone.

On On Shocker

Run Date: 9^th February 2015

Hare: Snot

Venue: Lamberts Beach Lookout

Hashers: 21

 

The gleeful hashers turned up to a lovely windy Lamberts Lookout. Much looking out to sea and such waffle ensued before OnOn was called and down the hill we went. A small moment of uncertainty followed before marks were spotted on the road.  A Delicious-looking S-C-B propped herself on a bench to await our return. Pink tape aplenty, the spirited hashers headed off most confidently. A few more S-C-B’s peeled off as the run was set  waaaaaaay too close to the pub. The rest of the happy hashers continued on. Up hill and down dale ( friggin’ sandy as shit sand dunes and slap in the face shrubbery) the merry hashers continued on……. Until they didn’t!!  Where had all the pink bits gone???? was the general cry. In a scene that could easily start many a B-Grade horror flick, the jubilant hashers separated to investigate in at least 9 different directions. After what the monk deemed to be an acceptable amount of bush-bashing ( we were literally bashing the bush at this stage!  Somewhere out there, there were drinks to be had  ) he and the hash horn  headed on back. What self-respecting leader and his trusty horn honker abandon their fellow hashers in the middle of the bush. If this were a horror flick, they would be the first to go, and in a most grisly fashion. Luckily it wasn’t and they found themselves comfortably back at the pub with round 2 of the S-C-B’s.

The rest of the joyous hashers continued on their way. Hottie finally took a gaggle of girls in tow, and Baagoose….and Nicka…..and Shocka (as I said..gaggle of girls) and found an escape route back to the Hash Piss. The 3 remaining exuberant hashers finally found their way to the elusive half-way piss stop at Mr & Mrs Snots’. Yay!

All back at the top of the look-out (nearly) and  hash piss was on! Eventually after much crying and nashing of teeth from Zorro and Delish, the hash piss and its followers headed back down the hill and Hash Nosh was enjoyed by all.

Circle called, and Lo and Behold……(insert singing of angelic choir here  )…. the Hash Dildo of Destiny was returned (very worn looking, I might add Mango) and presented to Delicious for her birthday. Note that it wasn’t given to the monk for his birthday, as he probably could no longer afford the batteries. Down downs went to Snot for leaving us lost in the scrub, but we were informed that the local ranger had collected the pink bits for his own enjoyment.. More down downs for  …someone and jokes were told by ……someone else and circle was closed. All in all, another great night.

On On
Cummalott

Run Date: 2nd February

Hare: Streaker – Set by Hotrocks 

Venue: 5 /3 Hunter St  West Mackay

Hashers: 21

 

The Beginning

Approx 1 runner turned up for this run accompanied by 10 walkers 10 shortcutting bastards and 6 drinkers…I think that about sums up the state of the congregation.

After a bit of whingeing about the placement of the Hash piss esky someone decided (Who Hasn’t Paid), that the esky was too heavy to lift, so in the ute it stayed. Much deliberation followed and eventually Streaker set the rabble off into the night in a westerly direction (Surprized the crap outta me) 50 runs set from Streakers abode and all but 1 went in this direction.

Excitement was intense as the uneven bitumen took twists and turns and ……wait for it…. We came upon a river, not any river, but one with a short bridge finishing in the middle of the water. Why not go left was the call …no go there is no bitumen or concrete, right we turned up the new river walk.  I hear you say incredible 30 outta 50 runs went this way I wonder where it finishes was the comment we never heard from anyone!!   I was more like “Faaaaarrrrrrrrking hell, it’s a long way from here to Canelands”..…”I hope we walk up the 6 floors of the carpark to find an on back like last time” was the murmur.

Now here is the twist… aforementioned shortcutting bastards said “##**#@ that” and went either straight back to the Piss or played the same silly game till the Ron Camm bridge and then went back.  The other 10 lemmings (those with dementia) dutifully followed the little white marks and eventually came home.

THE  MIDDLE

CIRCLE

The hare got 3 down downs basically for imagination, no not for setting the run but for trying to steal the monks stubby—twice. The other was for the run. Streaker, whose run it really was supposed to be, had a drink for some other obscure reason which, for the moment, escapes me.            ( I have left this space intentionally for you to use your imagination. I know the space is small but I know the intellectual capacity of you lot and I probably have left too much I know, but please try hard to fill in)

Hash Acts were discussed, a few jokes were told but these were first told when Noah wore short pants.  One or two were actually funny. Then as quickly as the circle started it finished.

The Nosh was the best rissoles I think I have ever eaten and all the food was quickly demolished.  I can’t understand, with good Aussie tucker like that, why Streaker is still single. I now call upon the single men (and women) to investigate further and forward a detailed and intimate report.

THE END…

It looked like rain so I packed up my marbles and went home.

On On

Snot