Run Date: 4^th July 2016
Run No #1863
Hare: Knicka
Venue: 60 Wattle Ave Andergrove
Hashers: 26

All gathered For Nicka’s run in the Wee Wee Wilds of Andergrove. We were sent off on a split trail and without too much drama, made it back to the piss stop. A very small fire compared to previous ones at this site was waiting for us, along with yummy nibbles.

Circle called, down downs given, jokes told…..the usual….and it was on to more piss and a huge feed. Another great Monday night.

On On
Cummalott

Run Date: 27th June 2016
Run No #1862
Hare: Pensch & Mango
Venue: 12 Douglas Crescent Rural View
Hashers: 21

What the Hell is going on with the weather ? It’s bad enough that the daylight pisses off early because it is cooling down, but now the rain and clouds keep hanging around so that its darker even earlier. We bloody near need torchers just to find the venue. All right you smartarses I know that is what head lights are for, but saying that only opens the door for the super smartarses  to point out that in cold weather there are two types of headlights.

Well onto the run, a bunch of intrepid, hung-over Hashers meandered into the Pensioners abode. Because of Alzheimer’s  I have no idea how many (see above) to hear a bunch of excuses and half baked instructions about the run, ending with piss off out the front and I will tell you there. Now the tone of the run became clear.

Instructions  :- The trail is either “left” or “right” the rain has washed out the marks. Just go and look and the ones I want to piss off the most I will call them back from a false trail.  So the run set off, following non existing marks and the Monk taking revenge for past “SLIGHT” misdemeanours  committed by unknowing innocent hashers, by being tricked into taking nonexistent false trails.

Ah!   I hear from the soft cocks and lazy pricks who didn’t turn up, you should have stuck with the hare.  Well he had that covered too, because for the next  3/4 of an hour he pointed out, at least 12,653.5 times where his nonexistent trail had been set.

This misuse of papal power only encouraged mutiny  by the downtrodden innocents, so at every dark corner people slipped away to the pub or back “home”. I might point out at this point that the biggest defection (all women) was lead  by Mango. But to be fair you can understand why she needs to have small victories like this “she has to live with the tyrant”.

Now I know you think that I was a dickhead for going the full distance, but remember I was Hash Piss that night and the booze was safely locked in my vehicle. That was my revenge on all you SCB’s who didn’t invite me to go with you.

HOME AT LAST, a quick removal of esky’s from the car (by many willing helpers) a few quick ones to wash away the torments of the previous hour, and all is well with the world again. That is until it started to rain again and we all squashed under cover, and the Monk seeing he had a captive audience, struck again and called the circle. Has the man no compassion?

The circle is a bit of a blur, no pun intended Blurry but you did look like shit, the Monk had a down down for being Hare (not Tun I noticed), another for Smega for stealing the hash mugs and being loud as usual, Delicious for casting libellous aspersions at the poor downtrodden stand in hash piss on the bus trip, and I cannot remember who else, but you bloody well deserved it anyway.  Some good jokes and some not so good and then a bloody awful rendition of the hash song.

The circle was finally put out of its misery and we all attacked a very nice hash nosh prepared  by Mango followed by all sort of sweet things left over from the bus trip.  A few more drinks by a subdued bunch of hashers (what did you lot drink  lots of piss on Saturday) and then the normal quick exit to wherever hashers go for the rest of the week.

A good evening, good food, great booze so good night

ON ON

Nicka Licka

Run Date: 20th June 2016
Run No #1861
Hare: Smegma & Blurry
Venue: Dunrock Boat Ramp
Hashers: 22

Following 24 hours of severe rain, 22 brave Hashers ventured out to the darkest deep south of the Mackay region, to the little known village of Dunrock…..  I don’t usually go that far on holidays!

Darkness was settling in as the crew arrived, to find Smeg, Blurry and Snot ensconced around an already blazing fire, beers in hand. General chitchat and bullshit abounded, until Smeg announced it was time to begin. He then launched into the longest pre-run ramble ever heard….. something about left, right, trail, track….. orange tape, pink tape, sheeez, no one was listening and no one cared. He did prove once again to be the Bushel of Bullshit, as the promised school bus failed to appear. So, off we went on foot, and soon turned onto what appeared to be an established walking trail built by The Mackay Conservation Group, or some other lesser known Govt body, complete with arrows to show the way…… which Smeg conveniently added tape to…… instant trail indeed!

On through the dark, with torches blazing, faint calls of OnOn from the lead pack, until we came to the end of the trail, and entered a vast grassy plain. Did I mention it had been raining the day before? Torrential rain, the kind of rain that soaks in and floods everything? Well….. that grassy plain hid it’s watery secret well…. Until we came sloshing through. Many cries of despair were heard, especially when rustling was heard nearby, creating images of giant Tiapans and gianter Crocs, then Flaps sunk to his knees and declared “I can’t go on!” Viagra and myself hauled him to his feet and pushed him along…… to the other side of the wet tundra, where a gleeful Smeg met us, having secretly shortcutted around the swamp. As we found the road, we encountered the lead pack coming slowly from the scrub…… muttering something about no trail and fuckn Smeg and wet feet, and other disparaging remarks. And if it wasn’t wet enough, Cummalott decided to squat down and water the trees some more!

Back at the boatramp, with 2 fires now blazing, the general bullshit continued as the cash was collected, until Flaps, now fully recovered and upright, called for the circle to be formed. A quick joke from the Monk, then Blurry and Hotrocks  were ceremoniously Tun’d for wearing hats in the circle.  Blurry and Smeg were called forth to enjoy a Tun downdown for their efforts, or lack thereof, as joint hares….. A couple more jokes, and then a birthday Tun for the birthday boys, Zorro and Daffodil. Some jokes from Golly and Flaps, and a charge from Hotrocks which led to downdowns for Shocker and Sweatmeat for pinching each other’s bums on the trail, not realizing Hotrocks was between them! A charge from Knicker caused Viagra to partake of a Tun, but I can’t remember why. Drip Tray was called forth to explain how she had lost the Hash Dildo. There was some suggestion it may have been lost during use, although this was vigorously denied. A soothing Tun was administered.

A downdown was awarded to Hotrocks for daring to interrupt the Monk who, after  more jokes,  found we had a Tun left over, so….. a downdown was issued for “returning runner” Zorro. After an extremely confused rendition of the Hash Song, the Circle closed and masterchef Blurry declared nosh was on…… 2 big pots of Blurry’s Special Slop……rice, sausages, vegetables in a curry sauce, which went down a treat on a cold night. More bullshit was dribbled as the beers was drunk until the pack slowly ambled off into the night, leaving the 3 Amigos staring balefully into the fire(s).

OnOn until next week, Pensioner.

 

Run Date: 13^th June 2016
Run No #1860
Hare: Lassie & Tonto
Venue: 23 St Bees Avenue, Bucasia
Hashers: 17

 

With more rain falling than at the completion of Noah’s Ark, our intrepid bunch were told to head left up St Bees Avenue, left on to Shoal Point Road and then follow the red and white tape.  With a fair bit of reluctance, the small pack took off, umbrellas held firmly in hand.

Our motley crew from the “Darkside” consisting of Hot Rocks, Smegma, Blurry and Snot, didn’t even bother getting out of the vehicle. Tipped off to the location of the piss stop, they sped hastily out of sight; hoping no-one had seen them.

The SCB’s including moi, piled into Lassie’s vehicle and headed straight for the Northern Beaches Bowls Club, to await the arrival of the walkers/runners. Unfortunately, with more short cutting bastards in the pack, most returned to the On Home, and missed the piss stop all together.  What a shame, we had a bar tab set up for us and a large platter of Kabana, Cheese, Pickled Onions and Olives to nibble on, more than we could eat (doggy bag requested, for all those who missed out).  Cummalott and Viagra were the only two walkers that actually made the distance, even though they both thought they were in a remake of Mary Poppins, with their oversized Umbrellas….

We then waited patiently, while partaking in alcohol of course, for our Courtesy Bus Driver “Tim” to finish his dinner, before taking us back to the on home. Where we were greeted by trays of Nacho’s that had gone cold, awaiting our return, but that’s the price you pay to stay nice, dry and warm in the pub.

Circle was called, even though all but two were already standing.  Jokes were aplenty, followed by charges, Lassie & Tonto (Hares) of course. Cummalott something about showing her bits on the run (when ya got a pee, ya got a pee)! Someone was trying to charge the Hash Angels/Hogs for something about their road trip to Port Douglas, but the thought was that what happens away stays away.  Although Smegma kindly reminded us that it normally beats you home anyway. I charged Viagra (Trail Master) with a mix up in the runs, as it was obvious to everyone that this weather was meant to be a “Delicious” run. Amazingly Viagra took the charge, but with Lassie’s interjection, I was forced to join him in a dual down down.

Returning Hashers were charged, Radar and ‘No Name’ Sharon.  Hashy Birthdays were called for a toast – Streaker, Hooker and Zorro – Zero attendance, we will catch up with you lot next time.

Announcement about next week’s run being at “Dunrock” past Chelona School, and I recall someone will be driving a school bus!!!!  Also a reminder to anyone interested in Airlie Beach’s 10^th Anniversary “Back to Year 10” Celebration, to please let them know if you are coming, as they are thinking of downsizing the event.  Hash song sung and circle closed.

Hash Nosh was served, Shepherd’s Pie, Spaghetti Bolognaise and plenty of bread, swilled down by more alcohol.

Then, as everyone noticed we were growing webbed feet, we all waddled off home.

On On

Delicious

 

Run Date: 6^th June 2016
Run No #1859
Hare: Delicious with Screw’s help
Venue: 117 Tropical Ave Andergrove
Hashers: 20

Numbers were low but everyone eagerly headed out the back gate to a check, with nobody sure which way to go.  Hearing McFanny say she saw marks whilst walking to the run headed in the same direction.  Hearing Piccallo calling out ON ON as well as the rest of the pack calling out ON ON the other way I kept going.  Following the track around the park right into a fresh dog shit not impressed,  Screw thought it was amazing.  McFanny and Hooker took the dogs home whilst Hammo runs past saying the fox turned right so I followed.  Lucky the trail was well marked as I was alone in no time and upsetting all the dogs calling ON ON to nobody.  Then I entered the forrest so I stopped calling as I didn’t want the wild animals hearing me.  Came to check and on returning from a on back was joined by others with Golly accusing me of short cutting the nerve.  Another false trail and all alone again but with the promise of a piss stop I wasn’t turning back.  Catching up with Flaps, Prick and Golly who were checking where there was no check Flaps went the wrong way and we lost him and us three continued on trail.  With no signs of anyone else the boys left trail guessing where it would be joining up WRONG.  We continued onto Paradise Avenue and proceeded to black out the street lights as we went pass them.  On home to a warm fire.  The circle was called and with the Monk being away Flaps and Hammo ran the show.  Beginning with a toast to Delicious’s  brother may he RIP.  The hares Delicious and Screw were charged and the down downs were left over piss stop drinks (not as nice as tun but they managed).  Jokes were told Golly was charged for calling me a SCB.  Viagra and his girls were charged for not forming a circle and organising runs.  Golly tried to take Raggetty Anne’s down down but she wasn’t handing it over.  Hammo was charged for leading other runners astray how silly to trust a hasher.  Sweetmeat was charged for sharing her germs.  There may have been more can’t remember.  The club song was song very poorly to start with until McFanny sprung into dance and speed things up cause she thought she would die of thirst before the song was going to end.  We were feed some delicious chicken soup and spuds and everyone huddled around the fire until returning to there homes.

ON ON Lassie

 

Run Date: 30th May 16
Run No #1858
Hare: Corgi & Daffodil
Venue:  Blue Water Quays River Street
Hashers: 30

Ah…… the Blue Water Quay, wow what memories came flooding back. I set a run from here just after the place was refurbished, on Christmas day. My family said I was crazy, but off I went, set the trail, had the hot dogs ready and waited…….and waited…..and waited…..NO ONE TURNED UP! (The kids loved the hot dogs)

Next time, Septic set a cracker of a run from here on one of his return visits. All was going swimmingly until security came and told us to move on, as we had no permit to consume alcohol!!!!! Since when does anyone need a permit to consume alcohol…. I ask you.

 

Well none of that occurred on Corgy & Daffodils run on Monday night, as every base had been covered and the permit was boldly in place on the structure of the drinking area. (Actually, we did not see security all night….don’t you just love the downturn)

Not sure how many Hashers turned up for this run, but there were many. Daffodil called the rabble to order, and instructions were given. Runners could #%$k off, and the rest of us were going on a pub crawl…..OH YEAH!

First stop… the Crown & Anchor in river street (no pub-no beer…HUH!) then on to the Leichardt (no pub-no beer…HUH!) Can you imagine our disappointment….. this was a pub crawl explaining the history of the old hotels of Mackay, present and not present. Off we headed down Victoria street towards the next missing hotel. It was here that Hot Rocks and WHP, who did miserably at history in school decided that they had had enough, and pissed off in the other direction, wagging school again. (Ah old habits die hard….informants told me that they went straight to the Austral Hotel… there was beer there, so they had one)

Down we went to my grand parents hotel, Biddles, which now looked like a lawn mower shop, and again, no hotel, no beer. This hotel burnt down in 1976, and as the tour of past, long gone pubs proceeded, it was looking more like an inventory of Turner The Burners escapades, as most of these old pubs burnt down. ( lucky Corgy wasn’t a publican at the time due to her extreme fondness of setting fire to things, as I would think she may well have been Turner the Burner)

Next, off we went to Langfords, where there was a pub that was open and selling beer. This proved too much for Smeg and Snot, who weakened and had a beer. Beer in hand, they showed no interest in going further, and that was the last we saw of them. (Rumor has it that they made it to Taylors, where they had more beer, then they walked back to the ON ON)

The rest of the pack headed off through the streets of Mackay, stopping at the past sites of the long gone drinking holes, where Daffodil filled us in with information regarding year built, year demolished(usually burnt down) owners and past names. We even made it down to the Austral, then back home down River street. All in all, a very interesting night which made you realize that the older generation were a mob of piss heads, as there was almost a pub on every corner, with one corner having 3 pubs on it.

Back to the ON ON, where Pensioner was in fine form. Extremely funny jokes were forthcoming, which made it hard to consume the nibble’s provided while downing a cold beer and laughing at the same time. Even Hooker had a cracker. (Funny she doesn’t take me as being the type that goes to church??)

Down downs were given to the hares, as well as others for various misdoings, while second virgin runner, Comes With Noodles was given a welcome drink as well. (He went to Interhash as a virgin, and was christened by Hamersley takes it up the ass, do da, do da- apparently he went over with a female friend who was a virgin hasher as well—- makes you wonder if she was christened Noodles??)

Nosh was served, and everyone had a healthy helping of spag bol, followed by Port and Tim Tams. How exotic was that…..Corgy you have changed, very naughty.

Deep and involved discussions on how to fix the problems of the world ensured between sporadic groups, until Prick said I’ve had enough and mounted his bycicle and #$%ked off. This made the rest of us come to our senses, and we slowly #$%ked off as well.

All in all, a great night, and if there was something I missed, direct all complaints to Delicious. Pensioner, Snot and myself will not see you next week, as we will be heading to Port Douglas on our  motorbikes for a week of wild hogging, so the rest of you will have to manage yourselves at Delicious’s place…. the venue of next weeks run. Love to you all, and ON ON.

 

Burry or Bleary???

Run Date: 23rd May 16
Run No #1857
Hare: Flaps place
Venue:  17 Jarrah Street Andergrove
Hashers: 26

About 25 keen hashers assembled in front of Flaps’s place to get the info on his run. He said it was set in flour and handed out several maps with very small printing which made it very hard for a bunch of old half blind bastards to read. Away we went around streets, across fields, over water filled gullies following a well marked trail to Bedford Road / Oak Street roundabout. This is where things changed, one group headed north along Bedford road (short cutting bastards as it turned out) while the other group headed south along Bedford road. The SCB’S arrived home and enjoyed the big range of nibbles and cold beer while there was no sign of the other group. Later on, one by one they started to return all sweating and not smiling. Apparently they missed a mark at Grace Deguara Drive, went further down Bedford Road, turned right and found a large pond which I believe Hot Rocks and Knothead tried to circumnavigate with no success so they headed for home.

The circle started, the TUN was administered to those guilty ones, jokes were told, JCF had TUNS for taking a tumble on the run and standing in for Radish’s birthday and Hot Rocks had a TUN for McFanny,s birthday. TUNS also went to Visitors from Coffs Harbour, Quicky and Quickette, as well as returning hasher, Klinger. Nosh was served, Flaps excelled again with steak, chicken, rissoles and salad burgers with sweets to follow. On on until next week at the River Street boat ramp.

Daffodil

Run Date: 16th May 16
Run No #1856
Hare: Snot @ Smegs place
Venue:  18 Steen Street South Mackay
Hashers: 21

Well it was an argument as to who set the run on Monday night, was it Snot or was it Smegma. Who cares as long as someone was going to get a down down.

The run started at Smeg’s place with 10 or so hardy runners and 10 or so softy walkers.

Headed out the back of Smeg’s place then down the street up the street down the street up the next street down the next street up the next street down the next street. By now everyone was getting a bit dizzy. A few made it to Taylor’s hotel, or was it Langfords, who knows, all hotels look the same a bar and plenty of beer.

Hot Rocks was first back and then the quicker walkers, but Who Hasn’t Paid was nowhere to be seen. Panic started to set in because Smeg had run out of beer and the piss was firmly locked away.

It turns out he decided to join the walkers, the bastard, if Hotty had known that then he would have knocked him to the ground and stolen the key from him and all those who arrived back early would not have nearly died from dehydration.

Snot got the fire started with the help of fire lighters and two litres of kero.

Snot got a down down for setting the run then had another one just for being Snot and then another for no particular reason.

Smeg was upset because he didn’t get a down down (he really loves Tun of fun beer) so the Monk quickly obliged.

Virgin runner Graham (or Graeme) was given a down down and said he will be back just to have the Tun of fun.

Jokes were told (or so have been told they were jokes) more down downs.

Nosh came out, spicy meat balls which were really tasty. Bubbles really got into them having a second helping.

It was good to see Daffodil is slowly getting over his painful rash. Corgi will be pleased.

Good luck to all those hashers heading off to Bali for interhash. I hope you have a great time, send photos (not necessarily mounted unless you get lucky).

On on until next week at 17 Jarrah Street.

flaps

 

Run Date: 9th May 16
Run No #1855
Hare: Peter & Showus
Venue:  209 Paradise Street Paget
Hashers: 27

Set by :- Peter (wtf a Peter) and Showus.

What a pearler of a run! It had everything  from bitumen to grass to water and rocks.

Whilst i didn’t count how many hashers entered the event i would say there were anywhere between 5 and 50 walkers and runners. We even had a ringin from Airlie Beach. More about MeerPussy later.

We all had high hopes for this being “Peters” first run well it was piss poor, thats right to be more accurate the wasn’t a piss stop to be poor about, Never the less we all found our way around the industrial estate finding water, cane paddocks,  false trails really the run had the lot, obviously he has noted the fine examples the incredible Hashers of Snot and Hotrocks.

Arriving back we feasted upon finger food for a while,whilst the barbie sizzled away cooking Arseholes and Snags with onion sides, salad available with either bread or buns, we even had beetroot how Aussie was that….in credible i hear you say. Ok

Now the downside.  There was a 2million candlepower light, some hashers couldnt take their hats off without being blinded! Unfairly imo, i received a down down twice before i snuggled in beside a harriet on the darkside of the circle.

A RUN DOWN OF THE DOWN DOWNS WERE

Meerepussy…Airlie for coming and telling us about their run

Smegma for who knows why (or cares)

The Hares  for the usual sins

JOKES

Knothead, pensioner, pensioner pensioner, Blurry who took the mantle away fron Knothead and Tounger as a useless joke narrator

I got tired just after this and Smeg and i shot thru after we examined the boat shed and boat.

On On

Snot

 

Run Date: 2^nd May 16
Run No #1854
Hare: JCF (Jenny Craig Fucked)
Venue:  7 Naish Avenue, Mt Pleasant
Hashers: 16

16 eager hashers turned up to JCF’s run from 7 Naish Ave. Not bad considering it was a long weekend.  Instructions were given and there would be no hills, of course no-one believed him. The whole of Mt (mount doesn’t sound like flat running to me) Pleasant.

The pack headed off down Naish ave then to Meyer St and lo and behold what should appear in front of the pack but the Mt Pleasant Tavern. It would have been at least 5 minutes in to the run and already there were those who had suddenly become extremely dehydrated and were in need of some quick fluid intake, they shall remain nameless, however we know who you are, but they did manage to make it back to the on on though.

The real runners managed to make it past the pub loudly cursing JCF for not having a piss stop there.

On to Norris road and then down Bovey Street. Again there was a moan of disappointed when the run didn’t go up Pollock street, so the great view could be appreciated.

Over to Malcomson Street here I think it would be prudent for some to head back to Willets Road

Thus missing out on the best part of the run, along Sams Road.

The pack arrived back and drinks were quickly consumed.

The hare was given his just desserts again and again and again. New runner Zac then complained he wanted to try out the tun of fun, so the Monk was only too willing to accommodate him.

Sweet Meat missed out on her birthday drink,again.

Flaps had a down down for his birthday on Thursday. I can’t believe how good looking he still is. Makes Richard Gere look like the Elephant Man with a hangover.

Jokes were told there were even some so funny  that I heard someone laugh at them.

Blurry had a down down for forgetting how his joke went, despite having practised on Hot Rock for 3 days.

The song was sung and nosh was eaten. Chips, boiled potatoes and then the main course of a great lamb stew and rice, jointly cooked by JCF and his daughter Megan.

It was home o’clock to everyone headed off after a great night.

TGIF this week is at 17 Jarrah Street, to help flaps celebrate his birthday. You only need to bring yourself. There will be nibbles and drinks.

On on flaps