Run Date: 7th December, 2015
Run No #1833
Hares: Knothead
Venue: 10 The Barons Drive, Andergrove.
Hashers: 20

A little difficult to write a run report  on something I didn’t participate in, however according to the Hare, the run was marked in every coloured chalk he could find, marked on the left and the right and anywhere in between.  Sweet Meat was the first runner back, in around 30minutes with a rather red face, and the rest of the pack straggled in thereafter. A usual stroll around the streets of Andergrove, encompassing Jaycee Park and Kimberley Estate Shops.  Run report given by Streaker, was that it was boring! Well you just can’t please some Hashers from one week to the next, too short, too bloody long whatever….

Amidst kids and dogs running in every direction, and insect repellent being sprayed everywhere, the circle was called.  Apparently our honourable Monk was running short of joke material this week, as he resorted to using a Joke Book found in Knothead’s shed, lame indeed, which the Hare had to take several down down’s for.  More jokes were told, charges called, Screw for wearing a hat in the circle.  Oui Oui was finally given his ‘Pyromaniac of the Year’ Award from the AGPU.   A Hashy Birthday song for both Smegma (61) and Corgi (same age as Daffodil?)

Pench was charged for some unknown misdemeanour, he was obviously guilty and very thirsty, and quickly sang himself a song and skulled the ‘Tun’ down down. The GM was finally able to have a skite about the All Mens Bowls Team having a win, not a bad effort, for the second last game of the season!  You all definitely did deserve a drink for that.  TGIF this week is at the North Mackay Bowls Club, Malcomsen Street, North Mackay, if anyone is interested.  We then made it through only 2 Verses of the Hash song, and the circle was closed, some Hashers were a little put out by this turn of events, but oh well shit happens.

Hash Nosh was Spaghetti Bolognaise & Pasta, swilled down by plenty of Hash Piss.  A much earlier evening, than last week for most.   See you all at the Xmas Party at Hooker’s, 4 Pharlap Parade, Planlands and don’t forget your Secret Santa Present.

On On

Delicious

Run Date: 30th November
Run No #1832
Hares: Streaker
Venue: 5/3 Hunter St West Mackay
Hashers: 21

Normally at this point of the Run Report  I would tell everyone how many intrepid runner/walkers had turned up for the evening’s “run.”   But bugger that, because that would not be describing  the real picture.  As per usual the majority of hashers at the starting line were visitors, virgins, and the stalwarts of club Corgy & Daffodil and the north of the river hashers (bright, shiny, brilliant, dazzling). Streakier, to her credit fronted up as well, but that was only because she had no bloody idea what that barstard Hot rocks had done to the trail. The south of the river contingent (dark, gloomy, 50 shades of grey) decided to skulk, hide, laze in the bowls club until the real hashers had charged off into wild blue yonder .

“Wild blue yonder” what a bloody great under statement that turned out to be.  We should have been warned when Streaker  tried to rustle us to an early (on time) start, but she cleverly hid that by actually coming on the run as well.  It all started well enough with clever  false trails and meandering around streets never too far from hash booze, but then it all went to shit. The penny dropped when we set off along the Bruce Highway, some idiot thought it was Nebo Rd, and ran across Rocky’s Bunnings  Fuck cried all, including Streaker,  followed by many very inventive ways to change Hot rocks sexuality . As we trudged back to the far far distant hash booze, and in the girls case, toilet, some really fantastic and frightening cosmetic surgery was discussed for hotty.  I am sure that some of the body rearrangements discussed are not possible.

Run Time    1800  to  1945  ( 6.00   To  7.45 )   Foreverrr  no piss stop

The first 30min upon our return was religiously devoted to toilet, and rapid alcohol consumption to deaden muscle pain of legs and tongue and relieve over worked brain cells after inventing  radical new and painful medical procedures.  All in all this was rather a quiet period devoted to frequent outbursts  of   ” Fuck you Hotty “.

Finally the circle was called and with great anticipation we waited  for the wrath of the Monk to descend RAPIDLY upon Hotty .  First Streaker  as the venue hare and then Hotty for the trail hare bugger me dead ! a cold tun beer as a down down ?   no warm tun beer filtered through the kidneys ?  That’s all ?   Oh well we are a forgiving lot in hash. The circle continued with down downs  for,  Paul  virgin runner   Tug  returning runner  Kennel and MD  visiting runners   Kennel   piss poor jokes   Smegma  losing his bike   and others who I can’t remember because I was talking.  After more jokes and confusion, song sung, circle closed.

Nosh of burgers with salad  and a very nice mango chutney.  Thanks Streaker.  More talk and drinks. last drinks called and departure at 10.30 all in all great night.

On on      Nicka licka

Run Date: 23rd November
Run No #1831
Hares: Flaps
Venue: 17 Jarrah Street Beaconsfield
Hashers: 24

Flaps sent us of with a whole lot of mumbo jumbo !!!!!!!!!
about checks , on backs , marks on left , a piss stop which we never found!
think he was bullshitting !! He even came looking for some of us,  cause he thought we were
lost !! Lost in Beaconsfield he has got to be kidding, we had trusty old Golly with us to lead the
way, some bastards got inside information and just short cutted .
Hoty and Sweetmeat could have helped us out , but  they just ignored us,
and kept on walking and talking  !!!!!! The run seemed a total bulls up !!!!!

When the last of us got back we really needed that beer !
Finally after a bit of a post mortem, circle was called !!
the usual garble was exchanged,
Jokes came from the usual few !! (Oh dear I miss Pea Beau !!!! )

Charges were made The Monk gave himself one for his phone ringing in the circle,
Hoty for  FU###### up a charge ! Golly for going to schoolies , and not as a toolie! but a Poolie (Pensioner)
Delicious for leaving the beer  fridge open, and about 3 charges to Cumalott , some thing to do with
using the hash horn  for self gratification !!!!!  and FU####### it up , or was it that we didn’t
hear it cause she short cutted !!

Sweatmeat tried to hand over her well worn prize procession !!! something to do with being
use to something much larger, !! After a few attempts of Spin the bottle, and refused by Mango
and a definite NO from Corgi,   DT said she needed one !!

Nosh was great /   A  La sausage  and pork dish , with mash and sweet potato.
Followed by a beautiful Trifle !!

Circle was then closed after singing the Hash song , ON ON Till next week.
Where I will be setting a major marathon on the Bright Side !!!

Streaker

Run Date: 16^th November
Run No #1830
Hares: WHP
Venue: 16 Lochmaben Ct Beaconsfield
Hashers: 14

Well I missed the change of venue for Monday nights run and thought you bastards have done it again sent me off on a wild goose chase. Back home checked my e-mail and found that it had been moved to 16 Lochmaben Street.

It was cold and wet and be buggered if I could find any marks, so I asked Raggedy Ann she couldn’t see any, nor could Tounger, Fork Breaststoke and then Delicious mentioned that if we were actually on the run then we have been able to see them, stupid me, I never thought of that.

Apparently it was one of the best runs we have had in the last week so that says something for Who Hasn’t Paid’s ability to make the change at short notice, after being kicked off the north wall for loitering with intent. (to do what I don’t know but it must have been pretty bad).

Everyone make it back without being struck by lightning or getting too wet.

It turned out only 14 hardy hashers managed to turn up, more would have unfortunately with all the rain we have had all the bridges across the Pioneer River were closed so the dark siders were unable to get across.

I am sure they could have borrowed a boat from somewhere.

The hare was fortunate enough to have been given 4 down downs I think he just love Tun beer Jokes were told, there would have been more but Hotrocks was unable to make it.

Great nosh and plenty of it, enough for 26 hashers so seconds was the go.

The song was heartily sang led by choirmaster Tarzan, more drinks and then off home.

Next weeks run is at chez flaps’s place (17 Jarrah Street) so I hope it rains again so I won’t have to work too hard.

On on until next week Flaps

Run Date: 9^th November
Run No #1829
Hares: No Name Michelle and Snot
Venue: 65 Amhurst Street Slade Point
Hashers: 27

Michelle (Snot) Hash Run

Set in the dunes of Slade Point We set of from 65 Amhurst St. to be exact, as usual the walkers milled around Baa Bah bleat bleat until given some direction from Snot.

We headed of into the dunes along tracks or were they just snake trails with wait a while vines.

Daffodil though he got bitten by snake and got Corgi to suck it off.

We came to a steep embankment and up we went to find a falsie then along a bit and up the embankment again WHP nearly had to engage 4wheel drive, Smeg did.

WHP milled around the sand dunes with Sweet Meat, Shocker and Hot Rocks found a false trail or two till we ended up on the beach for a trot. Then up into the dunes again and out near the Pub and up Scawfell Av. onto the alleyway Hot Rocks, Shocker and WHP could smell the beer but not Sweet Meat as she headed into the dark deep suburbs of Slade Point.

Excellent RUN proper stuff like sand, mossies, bush, snakes, etc.

Eventually those dawdlers arrived back and disrupted the real Hashers having our fourth beer.

All milled around and scoffed bikkies and Dip and Payed up.

Then the Newly elected hierarchy called a circle. The hair was called and so was Snot as Michelle is a newbie to the hash ways and needed guidance with the intricacies of setting a run.

There was jokes told and the usual bull shit that goes with an anarchy style system.

The new GM did a down for his lost poofta chair, plus a couple of other indiscretions. 

There was a group down down for loud bull shitters that interrupt the Monk and Monkeeeee

There was phones going and being answered in the bushes Hooker had a down down for it

Hooker also had a down down for stashing a Grand under her mattress with a black sausage watch dog to guard it.

The nameless Michelle was called out on all had to kneel for a naming after a protracted story she was named ALIBI. So now we all have an Alibi when we go to hash assuming our Alibi turns up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jokes were told we sang and the circle ended

Nosh was cooked and gorged up on by all very nice assholes in rolls with a bit of green stuff

The new Monkeeeee had his breatho measurer for anybody that desired to see what effect the beer had on them, As we all headed off to our cosy little beds to rest up for the ensuing day.
ON ON WHP

Wassen Me I had an Alibi

I didn’t pack the esky I only kept it cold.

Run Date: 2^nd November
Run No #1828
Hares:Smegma & Hotrocks under Blurry’s banner
Venue: Mackay Bowls Club Nebo Road
Hashers: 34

 

34 enthusiastic Hashers turned up for the AGPU to take over the world.

Can’t comment on the actual walk as I didn’t participate, but some were back in 15 mins and some took up to 1 & ½ hours and some were in between, so fair to say there was some short cutting and some that went all the way.

Melbourne Cup sweep had been set up along with orders for ‘Mackay Hash Polo Shirts”, sale of Stubbie Coolers and of course Hash Cash.

The meal was ready so off into the other room to scoff the well prepared food.

Circle was called.

Charges for Non participating Hashers for the walk/run. Teflon, Tubby 2 Dicks & Glove Box, Showus, & Skipper.  Glove Box for skulling a straight rum? In her haste, she forgot to add the coke!!!

Lots of charges and reversing.  Pants presented a decorated chair that Zorro had left/or had it been taken at a Sunny Coast run that she was returning to the rightful owner, only she had put her flowery touch on it.

Award for Screw for achieving 800 runs, presented with a torch.

Awards were presented which are below:-

 

	2015 AGPU AWARDS – MACKAY HASH HOUSE HARRIERS
No	Award	Recipient	Reason
1	Most Runs Award	Knicker Licker	With 51 Runs
2	Most Dangerous Run	Prick	Down a Railway Track with a Sugar Train coming
3	Best Hash Nosh	Flaps	For his sumptuous feast
4	Pyromaniac of the year	Oui Oui	Aussie Day Flare-Up
5	Scam of the year Run-Joint Award	Smegma	The BOB ” (Bushel of Bullshit)
6	Scam of the year Run-Joint Award	Hot Rocks	Judas Hare
7	Worst Location Run	Snot	East Point in the sand with 35 Knot winds
8	Wettest Run	Delicious	Melbourne Cup Eve Run in the middle of a storm
9	Best Hash Trash Report	Blurry	Hash Trash Run #1827 (Smegma & Hot Rocks Run)
10	Worst Hash Nosh	Prick	Chicken Stew – Mostly Bones
11	Best Location Run-Joint Award	Cummalott	Dumbleton Weir, amongst the crocs
12	Best Location Run-Joint Award	Drip Tray	Dumbleton Weir, amongst the crocs
13	Shortest Run Award	Show Us	Farleigh Tavern, SCB’s went around the block back to the pub
14	Worst Marked Run	Zorro	Harbour….Live Hare who pissed off into the distance
15	Longest Run Award	Streaker	Who used Hot Rocks to set a marathon on the Blue Water Trail
*	‘Dirty Old Man’ Perpetual Trophy	Zorro	For his penchant for the Map of Tassie, as found on visiting Tasmanian harriettes…no names to protect the innocent…..
*	Appreciation Trophy	Mackay Bowling Club	Awarded for hosting our AGPU for the last 6 years

 

 

 

Nominations were called starting from Hash Horn and working up to GM.

Below is a list of the new committee.

 

Grand Master	Zorro
Monk	Pensioner
Monkee	Flaps
Hash Cash	Mango
Trail Master	Viagra
On Sec	Teflon
Hash Piss	WHP with willing helpers
Haberdashery	Delicious
Hash Horn	Cummalott

2nd Run Report from Snot 2015 AGPU

Held at the Mackay Bowling Club  and a popular venue it is, and why not with beers only 4.20 a schooner what more can you ask for. 34  souls turned up for the free piss and were not disappointed.

The run, the pseudo GM lacked the intestinal fortitude to get the run away on time so we ended up making him do the job again. Serves the prick right! By the time the hare returned all but 3 souls had given up on the run so they just meandered around and came back for the grog.  New hare Viagra please note, AGPU and Xmas Run are set around the block so as to encourage binge drinking and shall not exceed 1km and shall have a minimum of 1 piss stop. To this end the R A of full moon H3 Aspro set an admirable length run around the bowling green 3 piss stops, Actually more people went on this run than the one set by who knows or really gives a shit.

Our stand in GM Delicious announced at 6.30 the free piss was on. Then the standin Hash Cash Delicious, put $600 across the bar for us to drink. At 7.30 someone asked the standin Trailmaster , Delicious, where the fuk are the missing 3 clowns who did the run, this fell upon deaf ears cause no one cared.

The circle was not performed by the standin Monk, Delicious, instead Pensioner n Raddish got the show on the road blah, blah, blah ensued. Then we held the democratic elections im not sure of the outcome but someone told me that Delicious got the lot and thats a good thing because i noticed the psuedo GM talking to her until i gave him a  …………….., problem solved. FFS just let her get on and do the job like last year!

Not much else happened that i remember which is probably a good thing. The angel of Slade Point drove some of us home including The BOB and left Judas Hare to fend for himself.

Next Weeks Run is at 65 Amhurst Street, Slade point Hares Snot and AWOL aka Michelle (not her real name cause she hasnt got one.)

Till next week On On

Snot

 

Run Date: 26^th October 2015
Run No #1827
Hares: Smegma & Hot Rocks
Venue: Mongrel’s Shed at 307 Homebush Road
Hashers: 28

 

Smegma & Hotrocks— Mongrel’s shed, Rosella/Homebush Road, 26/10/15.

I have finally managed to get my legs working again, and get out of bed after the MARATHON cross country excursion HOT ROCKS and SMEGMA disguised and promoted as the best hash run of the year!!!

I joined the HARES for a pre-lube at the Mackay Bowls Club, where we had a couple of frosties waiting to be picked up by the lovely STREAKER to be taken to hash. Straight away, SMEGMA, who will now be known as The BOB, (Bushel of Bullshit) started effervescently describing the run of the year…. Only 3K‘s, a visit to a pub, and a school bus to take us home. Seeing it was close to the AGPU, I half thought this might be correct, and started thinking to myself that I might do this, as my knees were playing up, and I had considered not doing the run at all.

Then the beautiful STREAKER arrived to pick us up, and once again The BOB, started spruking the 3K’s/Pub/Bus story, and this is where I smelt a RAT. (Later that night in the circle, RADISH had seen the rat and described it well…” A big cock and a fucking big tail”

So we arrived at MONGREL’S shed, and straight away, The BOB continued on with the scam, very loudly and visibly, so all could see and hear, asking hash cash, MANGO, if she had enough cash on her for drinks at the General Gordon Hotel!

So The BOB told the pack the 3K’s/Pub/Bus story, and the trap had been set. The back of MONGRELS Big Esky refrigerated truck was opened up, the walkway was put in place and we were herded into the refrigerated van by the JUDAS HARE, HOT ROCKS. The refrigerator was blowing an arctic gale as we all took up a pozzy, and the door was locked shut. The truck started moving, and all of a sudden we felt like pig carcasses going to the butcher shop. PRICK said he knew what the outcome was going to be, caus this is what they did to the Jews when Hitler gassed them.

15 minutes later the truck came to a stop, (3k’s?) and out we got in the middle of the road, like a bunch of Mexicans just smuggled across the border into the USA.

JUDAS HARE, HOT ROCKS gave us the direction to go in, and off we went, trying to work out where we were, and more importantly, which direction was the pub in…

This is where things turned to shit. Off the bitumen and into the cane paddocks we went, and around every corner we could see big mango trees that surely was the back of the General Gordon Hotel. Sadly this never eventuated, and the walk/run just went on and on and on, until finally we hit a bitumen road with a tram line beside it. Surely we were now heading to the pub, caus as I recall there is a tram line close to the General. No deal, off into the cane paddock again, however this part was much rougher than the previous, and TARZAN and myself were wondering about how we could call 000 and get an ambulance to pick us up. VIAGRA had a thought that we might end up at JOCKSTRAPS place for a drink, but that idea evaporated into the MICROSOFT CLOUD as well.

OMG, when will this F*&%#$G walk finish….. By now TOUNGER, TARZAN, PRICK and myself were dragging our worn out limbs along the ground at the rear of the pack. RADISH said to me, “if you can make it to the dam, we will come and get you all in the 4 wheeler”.

Finally, TOUNGER led us through the cane paddock and back to the On On…  8 F*&%#$G K’s it turned out to be, no wonder we were shagged, haven’t been that far since I was a youth.

A few cold beers and all started to come good again.

The circle was called and the Monk, PENSIONER took over the proceedings. The hares, The BOB, and the JUDAS HARE were called to the front for a down down, where RADISH had a special down down brace, for a special run, that he gave to The BOB for his down down. The song was sung, and the beers went down, however The BOB was called back out again and given another beer, and was told the beer had to be downed with the braced arm. Again no deal, using the piss poor excuse that STREAKER would not take him home if he was covered in beer!!!!

PENSIONER started the jokes and this started an onslaught of jokes flying from across the circle like a table tennis ball on a table. CUMMALOT received two down downs for getting pissed and losing her horn and covering up with the spare horn, as well as another for leaving her Vodka flask in VIAGRAS tent on the away run. Mongrel got a triple as well, one for allowing us to run from his shed and supplying the food, one from the last time we visited, where his phone ended up in the fire pit, and finally one for winning so many lucky door prizes, as was noted in his trophy cabinet on the wall.

SNOT in the absence of KNOT HEAD took out the worst joke and was given a just and correct drink, and then back out again for wearing a hat in the circle. (Bloody retirees and their free drinks)

Circle ended, (a few more shit beers used up), and it was in to the tucker. MONGREL cooked up a storm of delicious hamburger patties and tasty sausages that were consumed with gusto, unlike the singing of the Mackay Hash Song. The heavy beers leftover from the big run were consumed with the expected results, and the conversation flowed freely and loudly, until the drivers and Hash Piss gave us our last drinks call.

On home we all went, ruined but happy…

The latest news just in is that The BOB and the JUDAS Hare have gone into hiding in fear of their life. Hot Rocks has disappeared for a few days, (overseas rumor has it) and The BOB has vanished to some unknown fishing hut… We will hunt them down and bring them and their families to justice.

An award for the SCAM of the year seems in place.

C U at the AGPU

The Blurrrrr

Run Date: 19^th October 2015
Run No #1826
Hares:Teflon
Venue: 37 Mango Ave Eimeo
Hashers: 27

Typical monday night on the dark side of town if it’s not people getting stabbed it’s the roadworks holding up the evenings entertainment must have been bad as no trail was set but yes here on the dark side or (south proserpine) if you prefer. We arrived late due to the aforementioned but luck was with us the run had not started, off we went runners, walkers, fat,skinny, short, tall, mentally challenged (most dark siders) with no trail set looking to find the dark side tavern after wandering the streets we finally came upon the tavern.  A few cold beers, some pizza bread and we were ready for off on the tavern bus.

Harriets first was heard but Hot Rocks said Harriers first as the free beer at the tavern had run out and the hash piss was free at the on on so the gentlemen that we are we took the first bus leaving the harriets to wait for the second bus. We waited for the harriets to arrive before The monk called the assembled to order and started to dispense justice to those who had fucked up on the away run most notably returning kennel’s clothes frozen in ice which he sat on to take his punishment.

Raggedy Ann was celebrating her birthday that night. She took a down down of ‘tun’ & actually liked it! Snot was then charged and found guilty of going to Golly’s for the run ‘what did i say about mental disorders on the dark side’. Radish for his swan dive off the bus on friday night but he did save the pizza, Smegma was once again unfairly charged for some trumped up reason the monk once again put his life in danger charging Mango for having a birthday age not disclosed, some pretty feeble jokes some other charges cant remember them bring back Pea bea so we can get some decent jokes. The hash song was sung if you can call that singing.

 

Nosh was served leftovers from the weekend eggs bacon etc etc average nosh, more beers leftovers heavy beer from the weekend.

Congratulations must go to Zorro (the second best gm we have ever had behind Knothead) for leading his committee to a great away weekend they have done such a great job we should vote the same committee in again for another year.

See you all at next weeks run at 306 Homebush road

On On Smegma

Hillbilly Hash Flyer 2015

Run Date: 12^th October 2015
Run No #1824
Hares: Daffodil & Corgie
Venue: Darcy Parade, Kerridale
Hashers: 31

31 Hashers came out of the woodwork for Daffodil & Corgi’s run at Kerrisdale, which included MD & Kennel from Cutlery H3 who arrived in Mackay by boat and are parked up at the Marina, also here for our Hash Run on the week-end.

Off we launched into the never never. Some thought they would head for the tractor parked in the field, but then suddenly it started heading towards us. No rest for the farmers! Which way now, follow Raggedy, Champion & Breaststroke or the rest of the pack? Oh wait, JCF & Cummalott came up on us very quickly and at a rapid pace zoomed past. Some went this way, and some went that way but eventually we met back where we had parked in Darcy Parade. Had a good look around at the new Kerrisdale Gardens high rise building, very impressive.

Daffodil & Corgi announced the Hash Nosh would be across the round-about at the park near Dawson Blvd, only this turned into a debacle with the closure of the roundabout near the Golf Course. A convoy of cars taking the long & only way to get there, what was to be a 3 min dash across the road probably turned into 13 mins to get to our destination, but for Oui Oui & Champion it took them 33 mins.

As soon as we arrived lights were set up and Corgi was set up in no time.  Good scouts they are. Mango was knocked down in the rush with willing payers. Circle was called. In Pensioner’s & Radish’s absence Zorro & Golly took the floor still using the ‘Tun’ beer which everyone seems to hate but we seem to have a never ending supply of it???

Charge for returning runner Showus and visitors MD & Kennel, Hamo (who’s Hamo) as his number plate just happens to be ‘TUN’ – team with the theme! More charges were called, Snot for hat in circle which resulted in MD serenading – one of their songs for the ladies she said, we’ll have to get a copy of that one MD for our repertoire. Champion was called to the floor for her sip of beer can’t remember why you were charged though, was it because you were a returning runner?

Club song sung to end the circle and Corgi brought over her huge pot of beef stew that fed the hungry hashers very nicely.

 

On On

Teflon