Run Date: 18/05/15 – #1803
Hare: Tonguer
Venue: 12 Hill End Road, Glenella
Hashers: 27

Hi Hashers

It’s amazing what a bit of rain can do to people? A couple of drops around 5.00pm scared quite a few pretend hashers from turning up at Tonguer’s abode, for what we all know is going to be a good meal disguised as a run.

About 27 hashers thumbed their noses at the elements and gathered at “Man Land “ to hear the Hares instructions, which the runnners completely ignored when they set off in the dark.  A couple of checks here and there, but really why bother, it’s a permanent trail clearly marked in orange fluro marker paint.  The runners like WHP and Sweet Meat thought they were heading for ‘Farview Tavern ‘ only to be called back to the pack. A nice stroll through Glenfields and passed the scribes old house that backs onto Jane creek, that wasn’t water proof back in 2008.   Along a very dark trail on the banks of Jane creek which was a tad spooky, given the tele movie on channel  7 on Sunday night!!! (Ivan who….)

Another couple of checks and then around the bottom of Magpies sports fields when we encountered headlights bobbing up and down coming back, being the well trained athletes bring up the rear.  Popeye said it must be the other walkers, but then around the corner came the front runners saying it’s a “false trail “  Which was answered by there wasn’t a check! WHP said it’s a false trial “white paint with a X thru it.  Clearly all 3 hadn’t listened to a word from the hare at the start? And one has to ask how they got there if they were following trail on white marks.

Anyway, all sorted with the Hare calling on on and around the back of the footy field back into street light territory when we come across ‘Shocker’ hanging around Glenella kindergarden, I was concerned for his state of mind so I asked if he was ok?  He mumbled some dribble.  We all knew that the piss stop was going to be Magpies, so we headed there for a refreshing ale only to find Smegma and Radish already perched up on the granny couch.  Hashers filled the front bar for 2 quick beers, then the on home was called.

We all sat around man land and talked shit until the circle was called . Down Downs to Hot Rocks, Sweet Meat ,WHP for whatever reason and then heaps of Irish jokes.  Sang the club song and then waited with drool coming out of the corners of our mouths for Tonguer and Wendy’s famous homemade wood fired pizzas.  Which lasted only long enough to touch the table top before being swamped by the hungry mob.  I estimate about 35 pizzas in all,  I think Tonguer is going for best nosh again.

A couple more drinks and then there was only Hahn Light left, so we packed up and pissed off, and not one bit of rain you pussy cats.

Next week’s run will be from Mackay Fencing yard, 70 Satellite Crescent at the Harbour, and don’t expect a culinary delight.  I am too busy working to pay for all you pensioners that have half price meals at the Grove.

On On
Zorro

 

Run Date: 11/05/15 – #1802
Hare: Knothead
Venue: 10 The Barons Drive, Andergrove
Hashers: 28

Hi Hashers

Well Knothead, what a damn fine evening.  Twenty three regular Hashers, three returning/visiting Hashers, and two Hash Virgins.  You certainly know how to pull a crowd.

The On On was called to the right, marked in chalk apparently!!! Almost a full on riot at the start, as no sign of the Hash Piss Truck??? WTF

Mixed reviews for the run from the circle later, but of course I wouldn’t know as I was in charge of the keys to the Piss Stop vehicle parked at Jaycee Park (Yes, I walked there). HHHmmmm Stones Green Ginger and unknown mixer (secret ingredient I was told) not bad though.  For those who actually made it to the piss stop and didn’t claim they were lost and hit the On Home button early, for fear of missing out on something.

Circle was called, Down Down for the Hare, Jokes from every direction, Pensioner, Zorro, Two Moons, Tonguer, Hot Rocks and others and charges galore.

Snot for impersonating Golly with his pension card to get $5 off entry to the motor show

Tonguer for reciting two jokes without the help of cue cards

Cummalott for totalling stuffing up a joke, I think the Vodka had already kicked in

Two Moons – visiting runner; Tubby 2 Dicks – Returning runner, who hasn’t hashed for over 20 years; Hooker – long time no see, glad you made you way back; Robyn & Camille – Hash Virgins – hope to see you both again.  Hash Song, circle closed.

Our illustrious Hare thinks cleaning his BBQ with petrol is a good idea, even with the gas bottle turned off, we were definitely going to have char grilled burgers with the paper still on them, much to Natalie’s horror, and fear of losing part of the back patio in flames.  The out of control fire in the BBQ was a highlight of the evening (pictures attached) However, luckily there was still enough non burnt burgers and sausages to go around.  You might want to consider sticking with the original fire, nicely placed out of the way in the back yard next time, and not get too carried away.

As we all milled about the fire consuming alcohol and generally talking dribble, hash quiet was called for an additional joke.  The “Carruthers Joke” what can I say about this….. Two Moons was in his finest hour, and it took about that long to tell the joke!  On his knees crawling in stealth mode, the dramatisation, the unfamiliar voices of the characters, and calling for assistance to aid in the tale.  All I can tell you is it was something about a Bam Bam that ended with two fingers up a Bengal Tigers Arse! Oh, the theatrics of it all………

While we were all still shaking our heads in disbelief at what we had just witnessed, Viagra called last drinks, and we all headed home wondering what the hell was that about?

Never the less, it was an interesting end to a great night.  Until, next week.

On On

Delicious (On behalf of the illiterate Tonguer)

 

 

Run Date: 04/05/2015
Hare: Raggedy Ann Run set by Golly
Venue: 4 Trochus Court Shoal Point (THE DARK SIDE)
Hashers: 20

20 Superbly fit athletes ventured all the way out to Shoal Point, to challenge themselves against the elements, for run # 1801.

The instructions were given….. “Run set on chalk and surveyors tape, and ON ON down to the corner, and turn left”, so off we scampered. It was here that I noticed Delicious had gone all out for this event, and had her very special runners on…….black rubber thongs, now that’s getting serious.

Well Hot Rocks, being as keen as he is, decided left was right, and off he went. The HARE called him back, but Hottie had the scent of chalk in his nostrils, and there was no coming back, hence Hottie did the whole run back to front. (Ed. Thought this would have justified a down down?)

The rest of the pack (minus SMEGMA, who opted to do his own shorter version) wandered off around the streets of Shoal Point, eventually going to the top of the only hill in Shoal Point, to gaze romantically at the Moon. ON we scampered down the left side of the hill, along to the shore front where GOLLIE had organized a piss stop….no beers, just the Shoal Point public toilets.

The Hare had said no sand, but like politicians, he told fibs, so on to the beach and soft sand, heading for Reliance Creek. Moans and groans were coming loud and clear from the pack, and at one stage I heard Golden Shower call out requesting me to carry her across the water……fat chance.

Eventually we made it back up on the hard stand, and came out on to Hodgers Drive, and back on to Shoal Point road. Here the trail went back down the road towards Bucasia, however the pack had had enough, and went straight back to Gollies Ford Café.

What a fine effort the walkers put in, to come in just after the runner (single) Hot Rocks. Well done.We attacked the esky like starving dogs, and parked our butts and tired legs on one of the many chairs provided.

Raggedy then produced an abundance of mini pies, chicken and beef, that must have taken Golly and Raggedy hours to make. They should go in to business because they just looked like factory made ones.

The circle was quickly brought to order, with the Monk starting proceedings with a broadside of jokes to get the show under way. Gollie was given a down down for setting the run, Golden Shower one also for a returning hasher, and a hasshy birthday for the 1^st May. A charge was made to Smegma for getting the wrong tide chart for the tragic fishing trip, however he explained that that was the trip before and resisted. Viagra was guilty of something, can’t remember what, as I was talking at the time, and whatever else happened I missed.

Jokes were a plenty, with Blurries voted the funniest, however Cummalot and her Confucius story was a classic. Tounger surprised the pack with telling a very funny joke, straight from his memory with no support notes, to finish off the circle. The Mackay Hash song was then sung with gusto.

A very tasty mild curry and rice was served, and plenty of it. The pack fed till full, and settled into aimless conversation. Gollie warmed his ass by the unlit fire, and the pack started to break off and head home.

Another successful run over the Dark Side.

Next week’s run is at Knothead’s home

BLURRY

 

Run Date: 27/04/2015
Hare: Radish
Venue: Riverside Drive Cremorne
Hashers: 25

We all started to gather on the bank of the Pioneer river on the BRIGHT side

The DARK side had there lights on so as to find their way. Some came  from

South some North but we all got there. Some of the old crocks walked to the

Rivers edge looking for their relatives .The Hare gave us the instructions on start

Up there 1^st Left at arrow Off we went most did not find marker S C B cut the

Corner. Off down track river one side cane on other While setting run hare

Was heard saying he came across a couple seedy character’s in the middle

Off the cane this is where the trail got a bit erratic for a bit gave the knees

A work out. Looking back all long river the dark side looked OK lights & reflection

On river. No checks  no false trails up all on bank to Marter hospital over to sams

Road across road towards Malcomsons road Right turn on walk ways back towards

Sams rd  Game off Russian roulette With cars but we all got over than headed

Back to on in.Paw Paw & 2 & ½ sibling’s had the nibbles out good choice.

Circled called Hare given down down some very bad jokes Knot Head hasn’t

Got any better..where’s Pea Beau. Golly got one for taking Raggedy Ann to

Magpies for 48^th anniversary had to pay full price not like some tight person

2 for 1. Smegma gave as a report on their fishing  trip Snots Fishing Adventures

Not a dull moment. Circled closed Hash Nosh was served Good hash tucker

More beer drank more bull shit was spoken last drinks called.Every one must

Have been cold all left early. Time for a fire another good night had.

See you all on the BRIGHT side ,

ON-ON GOLLY.

Run Date: 20/04/2015
Hare: Golly & Teflon
Venue: 37 Mango Ave Eimeo
Hashers: 33
‘Bring a friend night’

The usual gaggle of hashers slowly grew at Teflons on Mango Av. at Eimeo, not the easiest place to find a park, probably why they were a bit slow to gather.

Some 30plus supremely burnt out old crocs,and the others,headed off around the eimeo headland at dead low tide(luckily),along the beach and back along the guided tour route of beautiful downtown Eimeo.

Good run/walk,plenty of slippery rocks,soggy sand and the usual sandflies but not an endurance test like some eh Hotrocks.

Back at the Teflon abode the lock was duly removed and we all hooked into a coldie.

The circle was called and after the history of the internet and those who have used it delivered by our most esteemed and drivelous monk two new hashers received their official Hash titles of Popeye and  Sweetmeat. Then began the usual elbow pointing and frivolous accusations resulting in quite a few cold drinks for the convicted. Two run kilometrestone awards were duly awarded to Radish (author of this tripe) and Who Hasn’t Paid both reaching 300 runs.

The usual jokes etc after which circle closed,pizzas aplenty arrived and were scoffed down followed by,for the weight conscious,some very tasty desserts.

A very good night and hopefully some new regular Hashers.

 

 

 

Next weeks run on Riverside Drive at Cremorne. Run site about one kilometre from Barnes Creek Rd. BRING A CHAIR,TORCH AND BUGSPRAY.

On On Radish.

Run Date: 13/04/2015
Hare: Pensioner & Mango
Venue: 12 Douglas Crescent Rural View
Hashers: 20

 

It seemed a quieter night at Pensioner & Mango’s ponderosa with 20 Hashers. Lovely evening weatherwise, with a cool breeze sitting out the back. The run report will be brief as was my bit of the walk as that consisted of walking down the driveway, so I can’t report on the run itself, but everyone seemed to enjoy it and arrived back sweaty and panting so must have been a good one.

Circle called & jokes shared.

• Hare gave himself a Down down for such a marvellous run.
• Down downs for returning runners Blurry been away for 6 months and Tounger been away for 4 months gallivanting about Tasmania.
• Down Down for Fucked for mobile phone on the run. Feeble excuse about having to sort out a fight with his children!
• Down Down for Cummalott for misplacing her torch last week & found it in the back of her car, Mango for their 25^th Wedding Anniversary, Drip Tray for Hashy Birthday and award for Hot Rocks for 1100 runs which was a camping cutlery set embroidered with details to commemorate the event.

 

Hash nosh served which were tender lamb pieces with gravy with boiled potatoes and breadrolls. Top Nosh Pensch & Mango.

On On

Teflon

 

Run Date: 6/4/15 (Easter Monday)
Hare: Knicker-Licker
Venue: Bucasia Beach Park
Hashers: 14

A mere 14 souls braved the elements to gather at Bucasia amid brooding grey skies and brilliant lightning. (The rest of the troops possibly weaving home from Easter or too bloody pissed to get there).

Knicker regaled us with stories of multi-coloured tape for runners and walkers alike, assured us there was no sand and gleefully sent us off in the direction of the sandy beach. Amid the lightning the rain began to fall prompting everyone to abandon such silliness and head back to the beer, with the notable exeption of WHP, who managed to complete the run. He then stripped off his wet gear and wiped his face with an old pair of jocks found in the depths of his car.

The circle was called, but as everyone huddled beneath the shelter roof, the circle became a rectangle. The Monk, recently returned from riding all over the country, launched into some poorly-received jokes and then gave up. Down downs for the hare, and for Driptray for wearing a hat in the circle….. er, rectangle. Radish received one for rushing off to a 4X4 sale, only to find there was no sale at all. Gary was then called forward to explain himself. It seems the redoubtable Mr Buttons has journeyed to The Philippines in the company of one Baagoose and one OuiOui, where, during a visit to Subic Bay H3, was officially named…… Jenny Craig’s Fucked.

In the interests of decorum, we decided to abbreviate that long moniker, but were unable to agree on JCF, or simply Fucked. I think Fucked will probably win.

Knicker-licker then produced a gastronomical delight…..an excellent cob dip, and……

 

Yep… that’s coloured rice…..which Cummalot took pleasure in destroying, and two curries. In case that wasn’t hot enough a selection of Hot, Bloody Hot and Faaaaarrrkkkk sauces were also produced.

The troops dived in, but around half was leftover, so Knicker’s right for a feed for the rest of the week.

More talking of shit and drinking of beer followed, until everyone decided en mass that enough was enough and headed off into the night. A small but enjoyable gathering.

OnOn Pensioner.

 

 

Run Date: 30th March 2015
Hare: Prick
Venue:  From under the south end of the Ron Camm bridge near the carpark and walkway..
Hashers: 22

 

On a stormy looking evening a motley group of hashers gathered on the dark and swampy side of the river,” No amount of walkways and paths built by council will ever improve this side of town.”

In a magnanimous gesture of good will and charity, a apprentice saint from the enlightened side has bravely ventured into the wilds of bouganville to try, for a few hours at least, to bring some peace and tranquillity to this troubled region.

SHUT UP SMEGMA

In tune with the confused psychic of these southern soles the enlightened hare wisely set a false trail, first up, so that they would have to return to start, where they were pointed in the right direction. Not given a choice, it saved confusion. By this time there was a reasonable mix of light and dark side hashers so the locals could be guided out of the false trails and dead ends. Although it must be said that the primeval cunning of the wisest of the locals came in handy in avoiding the darkest areas and other dangers.

We were also fortunate that the largest and loudest of the dark side’s protagonists decided that he would do his own trail which was a straight line to a point then straight back again. He was heard muttering something about a bad hip.  It’s probably gout.   (See paragraph 3)

Finally at almost exactly the one hour mark, all had returned to the esky. Except for the usual short cutters who arrived earlier.

The circle followed with the hare and others receiving the usual down downs. There was also a virgin runner and two visitors who also partook in the downing of amber liquid. There was one hasher who actually owned up to stupidity and nominated himself for a down down,  and was voted most worthy   ( see paragraph 5 )  Then the dark side weather struck and it pissed down, circle was closed without song and wimps ran for cover.

At this point we witnessed what must be some sort of dark side ritual. The table was picked up, with food, and rushed over under the Ron Camm bridge.  What this was for I have no idea, but I have seen something similar on a Dolmio add.  When they realised that the table was no were the esky they brought it back again.  Weird !

Another strange event took place, when the table was being returned the locals rushed around telling everyone to hide their drinks because the police were coming and we were not allowed to drink in a public place.  But it was only Drip Tray and Cummalot  wearing their hi vis  work raincoats.  Strange!

The Nosh was good and we all survived the night. With the evening almost over and the beer running low we quietly packed up, crossed over the bridge back to the enlightened side.

On On

Nicka Licker

Run Date: 23rd March 2015
Hare: Hot Rocks
Venue:  22 Sneyd Street Mackay
Hashers: 23

 

No run report – Prick forgot

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