Run Date: 16th February 2015

Hare: Cummalott & Drip Tray

Venue: Lot 42 Mallia Road Dumbelton Weir

Hashers: 30ish

 

The hopeful hashers turned up to the banks of the old Pioneer eager to get into the beer. OnOn was called and down the hill we went then back up to the hill to a false trail that Hot Rocks pretended to tie his shoe so all the runner had to get to the top before he called on back. Off through the cane paddocks with plenty more false trails and a little bit of mud. Back onto the Maraju-Yakapari Rd with the river on the left then back to the Mallia Rd corner where there was a on Home.

When the walkers got back to the shed, it was on down to the Weir for a float down the river, but the hour was getting late and the local fisher persons gave Smegma a warning about the 2m Bull sharks seen in the waters. Cummalott and Andy were already floating down the river as the twilight faded and it was a bit too dark for everyone else. Everyone enjoyed the sun setting over the weir then it was on back up to the shed. On the way back Nicka took a tumble back down the hill with the bucket of hash piss going everywhere.

We had some great nibbles then the Circle was called. The hares Cummalot and DT got a down down as did Zorro for becoming the GM of Rocky Hash. Nicka Licka got one for wasting all the hash piss, Cummalot got a second down down for her Hashy birthday, two new runners had down downs and Shocker got a down down and was given cider instead of beer. Raggedy Ann was presented with her keyring for 100 runs. Wee Wee’s Cup was returned engraved as per hash rules after a lot of fuss. Mackay Hash song was belted out and the circle was closed. Hash Nosh was excellent and plenty was had by everyone.

On On Shocker

Run Date: 9^th February 2015

Hare: Snot

Venue: Lamberts Beach Lookout

Hashers: 21

 

The gleeful hashers turned up to a lovely windy Lamberts Lookout. Much looking out to sea and such waffle ensued before OnOn was called and down the hill we went. A small moment of uncertainty followed before marks were spotted on the road.  A Delicious-looking S-C-B propped herself on a bench to await our return. Pink tape aplenty, the spirited hashers headed off most confidently. A few more S-C-B’s peeled off as the run was set  waaaaaaay too close to the pub. The rest of the happy hashers continued on. Up hill and down dale ( friggin’ sandy as shit sand dunes and slap in the face shrubbery) the merry hashers continued on……. Until they didn’t!!  Where had all the pink bits gone???? was the general cry. In a scene that could easily start many a B-Grade horror flick, the jubilant hashers separated to investigate in at least 9 different directions. After what the monk deemed to be an acceptable amount of bush-bashing ( we were literally bashing the bush at this stage!  Somewhere out there, there were drinks to be had  ) he and the hash horn  headed on back. What self-respecting leader and his trusty horn honker abandon their fellow hashers in the middle of the bush. If this were a horror flick, they would be the first to go, and in a most grisly fashion. Luckily it wasn’t and they found themselves comfortably back at the pub with round 2 of the S-C-B’s.

The rest of the joyous hashers continued on their way. Hottie finally took a gaggle of girls in tow, and Baagoose….and Nicka…..and Shocka (as I said..gaggle of girls) and found an escape route back to the Hash Piss. The 3 remaining exuberant hashers finally found their way to the elusive half-way piss stop at Mr & Mrs Snots’. Yay!

All back at the top of the look-out (nearly) and  hash piss was on! Eventually after much crying and nashing of teeth from Zorro and Delish, the hash piss and its followers headed back down the hill and Hash Nosh was enjoyed by all.

Circle called, and Lo and Behold……(insert singing of angelic choir here  )…. the Hash Dildo of Destiny was returned (very worn looking, I might add Mango) and presented to Delicious for her birthday. Note that it wasn’t given to the monk for his birthday, as he probably could no longer afford the batteries. Down downs went to Snot for leaving us lost in the scrub, but we were informed that the local ranger had collected the pink bits for his own enjoyment.. More down downs for  …someone and jokes were told by ……someone else and circle was closed. All in all, another great night.

On On
Cummalott

Run Date: 2nd February

Hare: Streaker – Set by Hotrocks 

Venue: 5 /3 Hunter St  West Mackay

Hashers: 21

 

The Beginning

Approx 1 runner turned up for this run accompanied by 10 walkers 10 shortcutting bastards and 6 drinkers…I think that about sums up the state of the congregation.

After a bit of whingeing about the placement of the Hash piss esky someone decided (Who Hasn’t Paid), that the esky was too heavy to lift, so in the ute it stayed. Much deliberation followed and eventually Streaker set the rabble off into the night in a westerly direction (Surprized the crap outta me) 50 runs set from Streakers abode and all but 1 went in this direction.

Excitement was intense as the uneven bitumen took twists and turns and ……wait for it…. We came upon a river, not any river, but one with a short bridge finishing in the middle of the water. Why not go left was the call …no go there is no bitumen or concrete, right we turned up the new river walk.  I hear you say incredible 30 outta 50 runs went this way I wonder where it finishes was the comment we never heard from anyone!!   I was more like “Faaaaarrrrrrrrking hell, it’s a long way from here to Canelands”..…”I hope we walk up the 6 floors of the carpark to find an on back like last time” was the murmur.

Now here is the twist… aforementioned shortcutting bastards said “##**#@ that” and went either straight back to the Piss or played the same silly game till the Ron Camm bridge and then went back.  The other 10 lemmings (those with dementia) dutifully followed the little white marks and eventually came home.

THE  MIDDLE

CIRCLE

The hare got 3 down downs basically for imagination, no not for setting the run but for trying to steal the monks stubby—twice. The other was for the run. Streaker, whose run it really was supposed to be, had a drink for some other obscure reason which, for the moment, escapes me.            ( I have left this space intentionally for you to use your imagination. I know the space is small but I know the intellectual capacity of you lot and I probably have left too much I know, but please try hard to fill in)

Hash Acts were discussed, a few jokes were told but these were first told when Noah wore short pants.  One or two were actually funny. Then as quickly as the circle started it finished.

The Nosh was the best rissoles I think I have ever eaten and all the food was quickly demolished.  I can’t understand, with good Aussie tucker like that, why Streaker is still single. I now call upon the single men (and women) to investigate further and forward a detailed and intimate report.

THE END…

It looked like rain so I packed up my marbles and went home.

On On

Snot

Run Date: 26th January 2015 

Hare: Wee Wee & Champion

Venue: 60 Wattle Street Andergrove 

Hashers: 10

 

A very motley crew tuned up at Wattle St to be greeted by the not so pretty sight of Wee Wee prancing around in the spar scoffing red claw. I suppose we should be thankful, because I am reliable informed that earlier he was apparently naked.  Thank god most of us missed that.

At approx 6.10 a rather lack luster  group ambled back up the driveway to wander around Apsley way, back up  No name street in Glenwood Park estate, past Nicka’s old place then back down the driveway to the piss truck. Me thinks there was some serious short cutting done.

Chairs were assembled in a rough circle where we nibbled on fruit and nuts (by this stage the red claw were long gone) and a very nice cob. Eventually the circle was called and the hare given a down down,  jokes were told, Delicious tried to charge Monk and Zorro for no hash attire but the Monk had a hash shirt and Zorro had his Hash jocks on. Delicious drank alone.

As a show of defiance we all remained seated in the circle because we felt like it any way, and  there was only one hasher from the Dark side, again,  Brownie points to Baagoose. No bloody  Brownie points to wee wee though, because to the cry’s  of, don’t be a fucking idiot, it’s too bloody hot, we don’t want one, from all the other hashers, mr stubborn lit his bloody great fire anyway. This raised the Temp from around 26 c to about 37 c. Like we needed that like a hole in the head. I think I heard some sucking up from Zorro who still has a shit load of timber to get rid of. Also Radish should be considered for over achieving  for his sitting closest to the fire for so long.

Nosh of steak, sausages, onions, potato bake and salad was consumed with gusto, and more amber fluids to cool off, until we realised that we had cool air conditioned cars so we all pissed off.

On On

Nicka

Run Date: 19th January 2015 

Hare: Daffodil & Corgi

Venue: Muller Park 88 Boundary Road Ooralea 

Hashers: 20

 

It was a great run, there were 20 Hashers and Harriettes. The trail was well marked by chalk, and we went through a lot of new streets in the Planlands area which was enjoyed by all.

We had our circle, a few chargers and jokes by Baagoose, Smegma, and Pensioner told some good ones.

We had a Hash birthday for Gollie.

The Hash chow was delicious and enjoyed by everyone we had Lamb stew and grain and plain bread.

On On
Champion

 

 

Run Date: 12th January 2015 

Hare: Pea Beau

Venue: 18 Steen Street Mackay

Hashers: 35+

 

A clear evening with a slight breeze great for a run or walk we all gathered at Steen Street greeting those we hadn’t seen since before Christmas and a Happy New Year to all to welcome in the New Year.

Pea Beau gathered us out front and said there was white chalk and flour and three piss stops? On that way and through next doors yard to the next street. Hot Rocks and Flubber were out checking and found trail down the drain and foot paths to Milton street High school grounds. Our wine seller Shaggus was visiting again but he said his calves were sore from running up Mt Archer down in Rocky yesterday. Not bad for a 72 year old Daffodil found out later in the night. Talking how his visits may cease due to the slow market. Crossing the running track we came out at Paradise Street and across to the new pathway down the other side and back across down to Bridge Road where we caught up Hot Rocks and Flubber checking which way. It was behind Souths and across the cricket field to Juliet Street. Maybe a piss stop at Harrup Park but no it was on home but a few of the walkers and Shaggus took a street too early and had to come around the block to find home.  A good length run to get the New Year on track and get rid of the extra kilos from Christmas.

A few work mates of Pea Beaus swelled the numbers to around 39 I think.

Jokes started the circle and Pea Beau got his 200 run t-shirt. Walk report by Champion was ‘ it was long’ but she made it. A charge for Missionary for no hash shirt on the run and Dragon Lady for coming to her rescue with a badge from Delicious Hash Haberdashery .  A down down for Flubber, Ba Goose & Streaker and the visitors. Pensioner wrote a farewell poem to Pea Beau which we have all come to enjoy and are amazed with how he comes up with everyone to be included into the verses.

Beers were running low so Hash Nosh was called and we filled up on rissoles and sausages on bread and tomatoes.

Champion and Dragon Lady tried to find more beer but after trying a few only found the Mackay Hotel open. It was 8.40 by this time and we had to head home otherwise tied eyes in the morning for work and yes Daffodil slept in. Others stayed and enjoyed the night so someone else can fill in the the ending.  Farewell to Golden Showers and Pea Beau.

On On
Corgi

Cummalott and The Knights of the Round Hash Table – by Pensioner presented at Pea Beau’s Piss Off Party. 

The wind howled around the crumbling castle, the fortress of Cummalott,

She reclined inside on a sofa, and contemplated her twat.

“What’s that?” cried she, and stumbled, to a mirror her eye did stray,

“Damn and curse I’m leaking, I’m in need of a large Driptray.”

Just then a fearful pounding shook the door upon it’s hinge,

“Open up M’lady, I beg you” cried Oh Blurry, with a tinge

Of excitement in his loins, for wondrous though it seems,

His wrinkled old Prick was standing, and straining at it’s seams.

Now Lady Cummalott ran naked, to the door and flung it wide,

But the cunning Sir Snot as usual was the first to run inside.

“Madame,” said he, “have mercy, but you need to cover up,

For the Scots, they are a-coming, with McFanny and her Magic Cup”.

“Magic Cup?” asked Sir Golly The Rotund, “What sorcery is this?”

“A Cup of Magical Powers” said Delicious, “a cup of pure bliss.”

Sir Zorro clamped his crotch with a powerful gloved hand,

“Tis bliss we seek” said he, “and for bliss we’ll make a stand!”

“Fools” scoffed Smegma, “you’re all damn fools, and I’m here to tell you why,

“Bliss doesn’t come to all, unless Viagra is in good supply!”

“Well then my Liege” called Pea Beau “ if it’s a cunning deal you seek,

Come with me to Harvey Norman, we’ve got deals to make you weep!”

“What infamy is this!” cried Sir Tonguer, “there’s no deals better than mine…”

“Begone” said Dragon Lady, “or on the rack I’ll stretch your spine!”

Now Cummalott still stood there, in her naked burning pride,

Casting an eye over the Knights still waiting, for their turn to take a ride.

But no one there amongst them gave her dribbles of expectation,

Not one of these motley bastards had the balls for her salvation.

“Raggedy Anne!” said she, “Come forward, with your spells and potions grand,

I need some Insex and Golden Showers, to make a Luv Mussell rise and stand!”

“ShowUs the way to Screw, for my Flaps feel Teflon lined,

Sir Tarzan couldn’t help last night, he graciously declined,

I tried Sir Nickerlicker, but he couldn’t get past my Pants,

I even tried Sir Baagoose, but was sickened by his chants.”

“Radish M’lady” said Raggedy, “Hot radish is what you need,

Mix it with some Pawpaw, and a large Mango seed”

“Cook it to 69 degrees, add some Oui Oui, stir well and drink it down,

You’ll feel like a Champion Missionary, though your tits may turn slightly brown.”

“You know” said Lady Cummalott, “what I feel for me is best,

Is a romp or two with my Corgi, in the Daffodil field we’ll rest.”

“Nonsense!” cried Sir Hotrocks, “what you need I’ll set you straight,

Breastroke in the castle moat, past the Knothead at the gate,

If he’s naked he’s a Streaker, and probably he Who Hasn’t Paid,

We’ll firmly pull his Handbrake, and slice him with a blade!”

“Be off!” cried Lady Cummalott, “Tis Boom n Bust or never,

This castle’s an ancient relic, it can’t remain forever,

I’ll have to take my chances, on a Knight who’s not a questioner,

Damn, it looks like I’m stuck, with fucking old Sir Pensioner.”

 

 

Run Date: 5th January 2015 

Hare: Viagra

Venue: Seaview Park Bucasia Esplanade, Bucasia

Hashers: 14

 

14 brave Hashers thumbed their noses at the weather and fronted up to see what Viagra could muster up. Actually, we had about 13 drops of rain throughout the night so the thumbing of the noses was re-directed towards the sissies who stayed home cause it wuz too wet!
Viagra sent us off following yellow chalk……. timber chalk at that!…… which we immediately ignored and sailed past a check. Luckily the hare got us back on track for an amble around Bucasia and down through the trailer trash to the beach. Corgi decided to live up to her name and raced off in the opposite direction, last seen barking at the waves. The intrepid pack kept on along the beach, but seemed to thin as we passed the piss…. leaving just 4 to continue on to fuck knows where…… whilst us SCBs enjoyed our first coldies.
Eventually we got together again and talked the usual shit, including tales of wonder from Adelaide from Zorro and Delicious. After HashCash demanded payment, the circle was called. With such a small turnout, it was left to me to entertain the troops with some filthy yarns that I found earlier in the day on Mango’s computer. Zorro helped out with a joke, but I’ve forgotten it. Down downs  for the hare and his helper Handbrake. And one for new/return runner Peter.  12.29 Executive Lunch was set for Dolphin Heads Resort, courtesy of Flaps. Daffodil led the Hash Song and the circle closed. We settled into the beer, until Viagra produced a very tasty sausage and veg curry with rice, masterly cooked, I’m told, by Handbrake. We knew it was delicious, because Delicious told us so. More drinkies, more talking shit, and eventually the exodus began. A quieter night than usual, but still a great time was had.

Next day…. Dolphin Heads….5 of us said we’d be there, but bugger me, 14 turned up, including Radish, Paw Paw and Dragon Lady….. (no Smeg, he had to……haha….snicker snicker….. work!) and regaled us with tales of Vietnam/Cambodia/Thailand.

See y’all next week at Pea Beau’s

OnOn, Pensioner.

Run Date: 29th December 2014

Hare: McFanny

Venue: 13 Grasstrail Street, Andergrove

Hashers: around 16

 

It was a very hot afternoon when 16 odd hashers, or  should I say VERY ODD people, turned up for McFanny’s run. The run through the back blocks of McFannyland was short but well marked in chalk N flour N toilet paper. The afternoon prelube was well attended, and thanks to Snot & McFanny, there was much nibblies to be had. The circle was called after more nibblies, and the usual sick jokes and charges were had.

After the circle closed, more glorious food came out from McFanny’s kitchen, and didn’t seem to stop coming all evening, it was fantastic.

At the end of the evening, everyone was hugged and backslapped for a Happy New Year, and that was that.

ON ON from Viagra. See ya all next Monday, Hooroy

Run Date: 22^nd December 2014

Hare: Pensioner

Venue: 12 Douglas Crescent Rural View

Hashers: 21

 

All gathered out the back on a fine evening at Pensioners Penthouse in Rural View.

Pensioner got out his clipboard folder with the where to’s & where-not to’s, how & how-not to’s – all very official. I’m not sure that anyone took any notice but he tried.

The walk/run well marked around the streets and walking paths of Rural View admiring the Christmas lights along the way. Piss stop with Pensioner’s special brew. Very nice brew too!

Gathering back for a few coldes and nibbles prior to circle, spilling out onto the grassed area in the back yard. Plenty of room to sit and enjoy everyone’s company and the cool evening breeze.

Circle called and the jokes flowed. Visiting Hashers from Townsville BJ (Blow Job) and Ram Rooter who were making their way over to WA for Aussia Nash Hash. This was the start of their trip, first stop. Down Down’s for returning runners Boom ‘n Bust and Smut. Fine for Screw for pinching the Hash Mugs. Fine for Drip Tray for leaving her bottle of Port out at the Christmas Party after being warned by several Hashers that it would be taken. Thankfully returned to DT. Cummalott fined BJ for having the best set of legs, which ended up in a fine for Cummalott as well for showing more than her legs at the Away Run in an awkward moment apparently, which Snot had stored in his memory bank and shared.

Hash Nosh was served which Nicka Licka had used his culinary skills to produce a very tasty chicken curry as Hash being the resourceful Club that it is, used the left-over Chicken from the Christmas party. Christmas Cakes also provided a Christmas dessert with yummy custary.

Then for something special, we took our seats for a slide show of the Christmas Party & the ‘Away Run’ directed and produced by non other than our own Flaps which provided the entertainment for the night.

After a bit more ‘talking shit’ we then packed up our bits & pieces and pissed off. Another sterling night at Hash.

On On

Teflon

 

Run date: 15/12/2014

Hare: Golly
Venue: North Mackay Australian Rules Football Club in Cutler Drive, Beaconsfield.
Hashers: 34

 

Well it’s Christmas time again at the North Mackay Aussie Rules ground in Beaconsfield and about 35 runners turned up to celebrate the occasion, including visiting Hashers from Woolongong ‘F.U’ and ‘Triple 0’.

All the injured runners only made it to the gate on to Cutler Drive before heading back to the piss.

Pea Beau received an unfortunate injury at the Harvey Norman Xmas party and couldn’t run, Cummalot must have had a serious injury as well not being able to take her hash horn on the run, mainly because she forgot it and forgot to have something with hash on it.

Those who did manage to go headed off over to the new lake on Beaconsfield road around the new estate and back to the piss stop. It was noted however that harriets were the only ones to complete the run. On ya Champion Streaker Raggedy et al.

Down down was given to the trailmaster Golly, who set the run. Jokes were told the Monk up to his usual standard as was Pea Beau (unfortunately).

Two new runners were christened. Annette was Christened ‘Handbrake’ and Rhonda Christened ‘Missionary’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nosh was then consumed. It was a great feast thanks to the committee. Zorro did a great job on the trifles (thanks Zorro).

Cummalot’s injury became too much for her as she became slightly unstable on her feet lucky Mr and Mrs Snot were there to take her home.

On On

Flaps