Run date: 08/12/2014

Hare: Smegma

Venue: 18 Steen Street Mackay 

Hashers: 35

 

No run report submitted

 

It was Smegma’s birthday celebrations and what a great night. He put on a show for us prawns for entree then freshly caught Mackerel offered in 3 different ways. 

 

 

 

 

Run date: 01/12/2014

Hare: Zorro

Venue: Mackay Fencing 70 Satellite Crescent Outer Harbour

Hashers: ?

 

FOR THE DARK SIDERS

HARD TO WRITE A RUN REPORT WHEN THERE IS NO TRAIL

1. What it is all about!

Hashing is about having fun. About good-natured bantering, good food and a modicum of drinking among friends who judge you by what you are, and not what you do or where you come from.

But the central piece is a good run or walk. If nothing else, it makes the beer taste much better afterwards. It can also prevent complaints from locals about lost souls wandering round at night like headless chooks looking for signs from heaven. Apparently they can put up with singlets and T-shirts with crude words and pictures. But not frantic calls of ‘Are you?’, irritated replies of ‘Checking’ and triumphant shouts of ‘On On’ embellished by bugling that sounds like suppressed farting.

2: Setting the run

2.1 Preliminaries
The hare is under pain of death:

• To keep the pack more or less together, as a Hash run is not a race.
• To treat the night out as fun, otherwise you might as well stay at home with your spouse or partner.
• To include some interesting features, otherwise we might as well run round the block or track.

We most definitely do not want to become a running club, with or without a drinking problem. But this does require that front-running bastards (FRBs) and geriatrics come in quite close together, with the former normally taking no more than an hour to complete a run of between 6 and 7 km and all the deviations. If it takes longer, the old ticker might give up and the beer will have lost its chill.

It is, of course, difficult to satisfy all these conditions because Hashers:

• Come in all shapes and sizes, including blokes with beer guts that have prevented them for years from sighting their private parts.
• Come with different motives, whether it is to run, walk, get pissed or get laid.

But it will be easier to keep most happy by a generous use of the following ploys:

• When running on roads, place big internationally recognized sacred Hash signs consistently on the same side of the road and under streetlights so they can be seen easily. Remember that you set the run during the day along a route known to you, while they do it under quite different conditions.
• When running through bush, place toilet paper on branches or flour on the ground in generous proportions. If Greenies tend to frequent the area, flour will be better because it is more difficult to remove.
• When it looks like it might rain, try keeping it away by making live sacrifices of Hashers you dislike because virgins in Hash have long since disappeared.

2.2 False Trail
T-junctions
When you come to a T-junction, inform them that they have to do some checking by writing in generous proportions:

<———————->

After a decent distance (e.g., 20 metres) along the false trail, place the first arrow, preferably under a streetlight:

————————>

There are no set rules on how many arrows you can use before placing a FT to let them know that they have been led up the garden path. However, having more than 2 is usually considered bad form and having no arrows at all is a crime punishable by icing. When the FRBs see the FT they know that they are on the false trial and should then broadcast the fact loudly and head back to the junction. You must put down a FT, otherwise those FRBs with poor hearing and no sense of direction will simply vanish into the night. It is, of course, tempting not to put down arrows and a FT, especially when you are setting the run by yourself and are buggered towards the end of it.

Along the true trail, place, after a decent distance and preferably under a streetlight, the first arrow. Again there are no set rules on how many of these you can use or how far apart the arrows must be before drawing 2 parallel arrows.

————>
————>

or writing On On to indicate the true trail.

But use the same number along the true and false trails to avoid unnecessary work. Suppose you place:

• 2 parallel arrows after 30 metres along the true trail to indicate that people are on trail, and
• a FT after 40 metres along the false trail to indicate that they are off trail.

This will make the last 10 metres along the false trail superfluous. When the FRBs on the false trail hear the ‘On On’ call, they will double back and you would have wasted valuable energy in setting the last stretch along the false trail. Of course, this is provided that there is proper calling.

Y-junctions and roundabouts
The same procedure applies for these. Simply draw a circle at the start of the search for the true trail. If you are artistic or unemployed, adorn the circle thus:

or

The C indicates that it is a checkpoint, the arrows the directions to be checked.

2.3 Check-back (CB)
This is a good ploy to give the FRBs extra exercise. For example, at a T-junction, direct them to the right with your arrow. Place a number of arrows, the number and the distance between them depending on how nasty you want to be, before placing a CB. This tells them that they have been led truly up the garden path and the true trail lies somewhere along the path just covered.

CBs can be used along a road that leads to no where. Just take them up it and at the end place a CB. As they cast doubt on your parentage on the way back, they should meet their slower colleagues and the group is together again.

CBs never fail to catch out and inflict pain on FRBs, so use them liberally. Just remember that they hate to see CBs at the top or the bottom of streets with steep inclines, and the more vicious the incline the better it is. But you must observe a number of important things when using a CB:

• use it anywhere except at a check;
• the true trail must be along the previous path or cross-road: if you are nice, the true trail will be off the last arrow marked;
• do not set it from a regroup (RG) where the pack has to run back over it. Some uncouth Hasher may have pissed on some old fart’s immaculate lawn and brought out the local vigilante group.

2.4 Loop
This is an excellent trick to keep the group together but getting it right is an art. It also depends on the terrain. Two types of terrain are particularly good:

• a flat playground: send the FRBs careering round it and when they are some distance around, the slower runners will see them (or their torchlight) or hear their vociferous calling and short-cut the course;
• a medium-length crescent off another road, where the exit point is visible from the entry point: when the FRBs have gone right round the crescent, the rest of the gang will see them and indulge in more short-cutting.

Hashers who are habitually late in turning up appreciate a loop being set at the start of the run. Send the group right round the block to the start of the run and begin all over again. By which time the sporting bras or jockstraps of the latecomers will be in place.

2.5 Regroup (RG)
When all else fails to keep the bunch together, use a RG.
To enliven things up, insist that the group render one of those foul Hash songs at a RG. Also have RGs with song in front of places where you will be welcomed. Thus, perform in dulcet tones in front of Government House and churches. Provide a stirring rendition of the version of ‘Rule Britannia’ about setting off Chinese crackers up your arse will do very nicely in front of the National Party’s headquarters, One Nation electoral offices, RSL clubs and police stations.

Place an arrow in the direction of the next stage of the run, in the event that the performance is not appreciated and a hasty retreat is needed. Aim for 3 RGs for the run, thus breaking it into 3 more or less equal parts.

2.6 Drink-stop
When even having RGs fail to keep the bunch together, have a drink-stop at the second of three RGs. This will be especially appreciated in summer. What you serve depends on the class of people you imbibe with but a mixture of beer and lemonade is acceptable. So is mixing the remains of some old horrible port (e.g., unwanted Christmas present) with lemonade.

2.7 Miscellaneous
The New and the Blind
For those new to the area and early arrivers, draw a large circle outside the site with the name of the club in it to help these unfortunates.

Do something for them to remember you by …
Apart from attempting to keep the group together, try to make your runs interesting. Of course, this is not easy because so much depends on where you live or decide to set the run. But it is never smart to have long boring stretches. It would also help if you make the group:

• go through the bush, especially those ones with plenty of lantana, loose rocks, tree roots and low over-hanging branches;
• chance life and limb from stepping on slippery logs and crossing wide, deep and fast-flowing streams or estuaries at dusk when the tide’s in and sharks are on the prowl;
• crawl through dark, dank and smelly tunnels, preferably graced by rats and dead dogs;
• climb fences, especially those with taut barbed wire and pointed vertical supports; and
• go through school grounds during P & C meetings when contentious issues are being debated.

Humour the Greenies 
Use gyprock or chalk because signs marked with them disappear after a few cars have run over them or at the first sign of rain. Avoid water-based paint as this hangs around and, more importantly, can confuse future runs set in the same area.

Pity the slow runners & walkers
Have a trail-master to:

• Cross out, at every check, the false direction after the true trail has been found.;
• Look for stragglers, especially in the bush and the less salubrious parts of town.

The homestretch

Aim for a decent homestretch to allow the FRBs to strut their ware. And, during the homestretch, reward all for their perseverance by using generously the following signs:
—————> X

—————> XX

—————> XXX

The increase in the number of X’s means that they are getting closer to home and the sacred liquid amber of the XXXX variety that awaits them there.

Live runs
If the Gods are still unhappy after the live offering of your least favoured Hasher and the rain is still pissing down late in the afternoon, then do a live run. Set off at least 15 minutes before the starting time with a couple of willing FRB to lay the trail. Flour will hold its place long enough on the ground, as will toilet paper on branches.

But don’t attempt this unless you are pretty fit because being caught by the FRBs is an icing offence. However, setting a live run is an experience well worth going through. The adrenalin from being just ahead and hearing the ‘On On’ call in the distance, the thrill and desperation of feeling like a fox on the run!

3: Running the Run
Yes, there is also etiquette here:

• do not compete because races are only for horses or those training for the Olympics;
• when you are on trail, always call ‘On On’ when you see an arrow;
• always respond to strident queries of ‘Are you?’ with equally strident calls of ‘Checking’, ‘On One’, ‘On Two’ or ‘On On’;
• when you see the first arrow on, say, a two-way check, call out ‘On One’, the second arrow ‘On Two’, etc., and only call ‘On On’ when you see the parallel arrows, the words, ‘On On’ or are certain that you are on trail;
• on busy streets, ensure that the FRBs down the false trail hear the ‘On On’ calls when the true trail is found: after all, they are doing you a favour and, once neglected, might not be so generous the next time round;
• When you see cars coming towards the pack, either from in front or behind, call “Hash car”;
• Be especially vigilant with bicycles without lights or bells;
• hold the RG as it is not a race: if you are keen to go home to your loved one, then you might as well have stayed at home to begin with; and
• short-cutting is permitted as it has an honourable tradition in Hash .

 

Run date: 24/11/2014

Hare: Golly

Venue: 4 Trochus Court, Shoal Point

Hashers: 27

 

A beautiful balmy night at the northern beaches for Golly & Raggedy Ann’s run, with the sea breezes blowing gently over the newly acquired Pelican, attached firmly to the roof.  Apparently it’s not going no-where; it is solid god dam concrete!

The Hare advised the run was set in the normal stuff and sent us on on, out and left. Following the trail up the hill and then right towards the beach, that is where you lost me and quite a few other SCB’s so all I can say is that the Run Report given by Who Hasn’t Paid, rated it a 10 out of 10.  By the emptying of sand from sandshoes on their return, I assume the run was mostly sand dunes and beach.

We all pulled up a chair and chatted about dribble until the circle was called.  Once again our Monkee had forgotten the mugs, get your shit together Radish.  Jokes a plenty, from Pea Beau, Pensioner and one from Cummalott.  Charges were almost non-existent; I think Rhonda and Annette were given down downs just because they don’t have Hash names yet.  I believe the Monk was supposed to charge Showus, something about her winnings from the Melbourne Cup Sweep? But he must have decided to keep the money, as he looked a bit sheepish when his good wife Mango reminded him later it was still in his pocket!

We raised our glasses to Tampon (RIP) and one for Golden Showers. Executive lunch was decided to be held at the Blacks Beach Tavern, Zorro let everyone know that  the Xmas Party on the 15^th December, will be at the North Mackay Australian Rules Club, Secret Santa Present $10.00, further information will be sent by email. Next week’s run is from Clubhouse 3 at the Harbour, alias Mackay Fencing, 70 Satellite Crescent.  Hash song was sung with unusual gusto, led by our Choir Master Tarzan and then the circle was closed.

 

Hash Nosh was Steak Burgers/Sandwiches with tomato, lettuce, cheese slices, beetroot accompanied with snags and lots of sauces.  Raggedy Ann thinks she might have to let Golly in the kitchen more often, he done a good job.  After the Nosh our Hare produced a bottle of very nice Port and Tim Tams for us all to have a Tim Tam Slam in honour of our fallen hasher.  Even all our usual water/ teetotaller’s had a go, nice work.  Although Pea Beau made up for anyone who missed out!

Then we waffled some more crap and no one looked like they wanted to go home, Viagra soon put a stop to that by calling last beers!!!!

So we all buggered off.

On On

Delicious

 

Run Date: 17/11/14

Hare: Tounger

12 Hill End Rd

33 haires

 

Before I write this report On behalf Of all Mackay Hash we send all our condolences and prayers  to Golden Showers on the loss of her husband.

As we all arrived at hill end 12 in dribs & drabs some already into the piss in their own circleNo 69 to get the runners & walkers off or wait for Tounger to arrive we hung around till our
Hash horn Cumalot blew the horn.
Pack got up wanting to know what hurry was still have half beer.
Tounger had Painted all trailing signs in front of Man Cave there to stay if anyone wants to
Argue when we get back. Tounger are they BMA compliant & transportable .
Out the gate turn right cross road and uphill towards highway towards guess what water
Tanks more climbing but what goes up must come down.  Slight left and into Magpies for
A well-earned Piss stop. Then on home.
Back at Man Cave Pizza oven fired up and rearing to go.
Circle was called before hash cash got paid no rules in hash
Monk forgot who was monk monkee had the mugs this week  and was heard to say if they
Pinch them they can drink from paper cups f—k them.
Down downs to hare Dog Wash WHP was called up as proxy New runner from Gold Coast
Trifle   put up hand and said she has not paid so received another down downon top off being new runner. Wee Wee for birthday. Pea Beau
Not having any jokes
Tounger was straight onto the Pizzas With the help off good wife Wendy Pizzas were coming Fast and continues and were devoured as quick
It must be the first time I can remember that all the hares had eaten enough and were all chockers

Well done Tounger & Wendy. Had a few more drinks and we all rolled home
Another  Good hashie night
ON-ON
GOLLY.

This week’s run at Trail masters house
4 Trochus CtShoal Point.

Bring your SAND shoes trail run for all you going to WA

Run date: 10/11/2014

Hare: Golden Showers & Smegma

Venue: From East Point Road at the Harbour

Hashers: ?

 

As usual I didn’t remember where the run was till I was chatting with Screw today who asked me if I was going tonight.

So WHP and Radar loaded up the ute and headed of into 4×4 country. Found Smeg sitting on the fence managing the traffic he asked me to make sure I engaged 4 wheel drive before I headed of into the wilderness.

We arrived at the piles of sand to a few 4x4s and a ford lurking around looking for a place to get bogged.

The run was called,Smeg had hitched a lift to the site and started giving directions as to the markings, terrain and easiness of the run that been set by Goldy. We all headed of looking for Self raising flour with size 12 clod hopper marks beside them.

We trudged through the sand and debris (I noticed a Ford in there) wonder who’s hotel that is.

Up sand hill and down sand dale till the rock wall track with nice river views and plenty of self-raising flour, it took me walkers not in site back to the drink stop from the 4×4 bar provided by Snot.

Smeg was there to greet me he and Streaker were very concerned that the poor little precious walkers wouldn’t make it or had seen the rock track and headed back into the dunes.

A nice trot along the beach back to the piles and a well-earned Icy cold beer,  then later the walkers arrived in the dark.

Circle was finally called after mossy spray, chips and homemade dip.

25 finally formed a ring with a couple hats among them. Jokes came on freely a few down downs and charges. And one for the visitor from south Shagus.

Nosh was yum yum, wraps with spicy chicken and Salad

On On WHP

 

 

Run date: 03/11/2014

Hare: Delicious

Venue: 117 Tropical Avenue, Andergrove

Hashers: 23

 

Well there was 23 brave hashers that turned up 117 Tropical Ave Andergrove..As the weather started to close in that afternoon, Delicious thought to herself “Oh no not again”

Well it allways seems to rain and thunder and everything else that goes with her runs.

Well of we trotted out the back gate over to the park and OMG the heavens open up and she was trying to run as horse race to no avail.

Some of us made a run for back to the on on without getting to wet.. LOL Cricle was called at i dont no what time,

Downs went to a Vigara for i cant remember. Golden Showers for 100 runs.(Go Me) Delicious for yep i cant remember that bit either..Fuck Im good..

We heard some jokes from our new Monk and from someone else as well.. This part of hash I hate doing, So Smega if you can think of anything else that i may have missed which is likely please add to this..

Oh and next weeks run is from East Point Road at the Harbour..  Those with small cars like mine Please park at the end of East point Road and we will taxi u in by 4 wheel Drive. Prick, Raddish, Zorro, Tonguer, anyone else with a 4 by 4 could u please taxi people in as the road is a bit rough for the little cars.

On On

Golden Showers.

 

Mrs Dougherty’s Boy (written by Pensioner & read at the AGPU)

Hashers at the Bowly, all with beer in hand,

Laughin loud at Streaker, who hadn’t yet been banned.

Luv Mussell called for order, Pea Beau at his side,

Drooling over Quickee, whose tits he had just spied.

Corgi said to Daffodil “Look at that old perve”

Daff said “Doesn’t matter, his cock’s lost all it’s nerve!”

Pensioner checked out Golden Showers, running for the bar,

Mango yelled out “Settle down, or you’ll end up with a scar”

Moaning from behind the bar had the hashers gathered round,

Cummalot was crying “Oh Blurry”, and writhing on the ground.

“Blurry’s gone” said Tonguer, “he won’t be back for years,

Let me help you out, I’ll just lubricate my ears”

Dragon Lady grabbed a drink, and quickly sculled it down,

Baagoose was dribbling shit again, but then began to frown.

“Tarzan” said he, “I have a problem, which just won’t go away,

“I haven’t had a hard-on since the seventeenth of May”

“Viagra!” shouted Tarzan, and Viagra yelled out “What?”

“Sorry” said old Tarzan, I just thought you were Snot!”

Zorro stuck his nose in, to see what the fuss was about,

McFanny wheezed in Scottish, something about a drought.

Smegma fell off his barstool, landed flat on his back,

Paw Paw laughed and pointed, out his shorts hung a sack,

Of purple balls with pinkish veins, wobbling all around,

69 Degrees laughed so hard she toppled to the ground.

Radish couldn’t stand the sight and quickly turned away,

Show Us yelled out “Show Us ya Flaps!” and Flaps turned slightly grey.

Now during all these shenanigans, Golly just quietly stared,

At an old Irish mother, who didn’t seem prepared,

To put up with noise and nonsence, from her own hash running son,

To put an end to this bullshit, she’d come packing a gun.

But she hadn’t reckoned on Raggedy Anne, ready for the fray,

With backup from the local biker…..our very own Driptray!

Meanwhile Delicious was very busy getting out the puppies,

And Nicka Licker licked his lips, and Knothead picked his herpes.

Teflon watched the Irish Mother slowly pull her gun,

Boom n Bust said “Fucken hell, this don’t look like fun”

Then just in time, Prick ran up, and quickly took control,

“What’re ya doin with a gun, ya fuckin Irish mole?”

“Irish mole, ya fuckin Prick, I’ll do ya in for that!”

And luckily Hotrocks ran up, just in time to stop the crap….

“Now Mammy,” said Rocks, “Tell me, what the hell ya doin here?”

“Arr Rocks me boy” said the Irish mum, “I’ve some news you’ll want to hear…”

“You remember Mrs Clancy from down the lane, ah tis terrible but true,

This is what happened at church last Sunday, in front of all the crew…..

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. Me husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

She says, “Aye, that he did, Father…”

“He said, ‘Jaysus, Mary, put down that fookin gun…”

 

Run date: 27/10/2014

Hare: Zorro

Venue: Mackay Bowls Club – Nebo Road

Hashers: 33

 

As usual the rabble that is Mackay Hash was late being called to order after McFanny gave Zorro a sound nagging to get his shit together and get the run going as we had much to do on AGPU night. Some smart bastard was muttering McFanny should be renamed 68 and a half degrees.

Off the majority trotted but some blatant short cutting bastards were brazen enough to just sit on their arses and not even bother starting. We meandered for while somewhere around town, over near George Street and then through some grass with soggy conditions underfoot, trust Zorro to find a big damp patch for us, gee thanks!

Back to the bowls club for free piss and nosh, BBQ supper and plenty of it.

Circle called and the usual bad jokes ensued, welcome back Knothead! Pants turned up with stolen contraband a carton of gold and McFanny’s long lost pubic wig. It had been given a dose of herpes which was somehow connected to Knothead he can explain it I’m not even gonna try.

A few returning runners from Moranbah and Rockie, all were very welcome to join the rabble. Pensioner then entertained the crown with a rousing rhyming tale about Hot Rocks mother, jeez no wonder that boy has issues when you hear about his family.   Smegma was in booming voice as usual and heckled the committee old and new.

New committee was chosen and are as follows:

 

Grand Master	Zorro
Monk	Pensioner
Monkee	Radish
Hash Cash	Golden Showers
Trail Master	Golly
On Sec	Teflon
Hash Piss	Viagra
Haberdashery	Delicious
Choir Master	Tarzan
Hash Horn	Cummalot

 

Thanks to the old committee for their hard work and perseverance. To the new committee welcome and good luck for the coming year.

Prizes awarded were as follows:

o   Scary Snake Run – Corgi

o   Pyromaniac of the year – Oui, Oui for Pea Beau’s 60^th pyre.

o   Worst Nosh – Prick (who else could it be and sausages as usual)

o   Hooker – best location, Sarina

o   Dummy Spit – Nicka @ Yeppoon

o   Best run – Rosella Blurry and Hot Rocks – out in the wilds without a paddle

o   Best Nosh – Radar & Klinger Spring Rolls

o   Shittiest weather – Delicious

o   Most runs – Daffodil 47 this year.

o   Dirty Old Man award went to Radish for sleeping with four women that wasn’t his wife all in the same weekend at Yeppoon. I know it was a Valentines run but that is stretching it a bit far……

Hash Piss behind the bar was running low and a few shuffled off quoting “it’s a school night” fucking poor excuses for hashers where’s yer backbone gone?

The rest then skipped off home full of Hash piss!

On On
McFanny

 

Run date: 20/10/2014

Hare: Prick

Venue: One Kenzey Street, North Mackay

Hashers: 25

 

Twenty or so hashers hidden away at the back of Prick’s place waiting for the hash piss to arrive, before they would even contemplate venturing out for a walk.  A little confusion over the blue SS Ute returning as the Hash Piss Chariot, but once it was confirmed that the hash piss was indeed in the back, all was good.

Prick gave the instructions: – marked in flour, mainly on the right, don’t get run over as you have to cross Malcomsen Street and Evans Avenue 4 times, and there is a piss stop.  On on you go directly towards the North Mackay Bowls Club, this may have been a dangerous move for some……

Away we went, of course as I was a short cutting bastard along with Raddish, I can’t advise on the run/walk, except to say that the rumoured Piss Stop at Zorro’s must have been a failed magic wand moment for the Hare, as there was no piss to be found there or anywhere else!  As memory serves Gary gave the run report, and it sounded like he enjoyed it at least.

No Hash Cash Streaker, so Golden Showers filled in with Mango’s assistance.  Smegma was heard calling out for it to be free, which fell on deaf ears.  Bloody shit stirrer!

Due to our Welsh Monk Pea Beau being absent to finally become an Australian citizen, our fill in Monk Hot Rocks called the circle assisted by our Hash Horn Golly.  Down Downs for the Hare, and Virgin Runner Alex, jokes aplenty by Pensioner, Quickie, Tonguer to name a few.  Charges to Zorro for cross dressing at Cutlery Hash’s Red Dress Run on the weekend; they did however raise $2100 for the Royal Flying Doctor Service in just 3 hours, pub crawling down the main streets of Yeppoon.

Prick tells me Mackay haven’t done a Red Dress Run since possibly 2001, maybe it is time to organise a Red Dress Run for a worthwhile charity?  Any excuse for a piss up really……

Cummalot reintroduced her BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend) to the circle from the previous week, saying it had done a fantastic job and a big thank you to Baagoose.  But she was now completely satisfied and no longer in desperate need???  It now has its own little cover, and has been adorned with glitter and sparkles and named the “Hash Dildo of Destiny” Hot Rocks has been made the custodian for this week.  I think it is meant to be handed out weekly for either someone in need of a penis or perhaps to whoever deserves to be the dick off the week?

A Hashy Birthday to Raggedy Ann who they say will never look a day over 29, and a farewell to Blurry who is back to Peterborough on Friday for the next five months.  Executive lunch will be held at Yummy Food at 39 Wood Street at 12:29pm, for all you lucky retirees, invalids and bludgers alike.  Shirt orders are still being taken by Teflon for the Happy Hippie Hash Tees.

Next week’s run is the AGPU at the Mackay Bowls Club, Nebo Road and we were reminded by the Hash Piss/Trail Master that all 13 positions will be available if you are interested. Strange, I only count 11, so maybe there are a couple of new positions up for grabs?

Hash nosh was sausages in 3 day old white bread, but at least they were barbecued and not par-boiled as is the norm for Prick.  No butter and no salt anywhere, so must have used up the weekly food stamp allowance on these commodities, and put them in the hot spuds he served earlier!

More bullshit and banter followed about everything and anything, then last drinks were called and we all pissed off.

On On
Delicious

Run date: 13/10/2014

Hare: Boom n Teflon

Venue: Eimeo SLSC

Hashers: 33

 

 

About 30 hashers gathered for the fray at the Clubhouse on the beach. This was the run to polish off the Away Run weekend up at Cameron’s Pocket, where we had gathered to take on the elements, rainforest, roaring streams and the Mushroom Party up the road.

The Hare started by handing out a few printed sheets with cryptic scrawl all over them. This he stated was a MAP. Of the RUN. This was DIFFERENT!!!  No fucking marks!!  No organisation!!  In fact, insult was added to injury, as he gave the map to Hottie.  Hottie who had left school at age 8, had a fair bit of trouble deciphering the map and was last seen looking at it upside down. He was concentrating very hard and obviously in a fair bit of trouble. Blurry and Pensioner came to help him, but their skills were no better. They were last seen having a blue over what the map was all about. I said to Teflon should I give them a hand, but all she said was  “Fuck Them”.
A verbal indication of the route was then given as very few of the Hashers can in fact read [ Hottie is in very good company ].  We all took off through the wilds of Eimeo, a few hills through to Dolphin Heads, along dark streets to the mangroves and then back to the beach. No water. No sand. No dirt. No mud. No marks. You work it out!
The circle showed a fair bit of promise as it was again conducted by the world’s best monks. The Hash mugs had disappeared, but landed in the circle from on high- a gift from God.  Pea Beau was in good form , and 69 had stowed the Box Brownie as she had run out of film after snapping at the Away Run. We had jokes, multiple charges and a down down  for the visiting  runners- Quickie 1 and 2, Quickette, Cone , Rummy and Garry.
Then we all had soup, steak rolls, salad, a few beers and when the beer ran out we all went home to Mummy.

Executive lunch on Tuesday set a new record of 18 starters. Is this a sign of increasing interest, or an indication the most of us are unemployed pensioners or simply unemployable! I feel we now have the numbers to approach Streaker [ again ] for Concession rates for those of us who are less fortunate then some of the more affluent. I can hear the answer from here!!

Next Run:  1 Kenzey Street, North Mackay.
Cheers. On On
Prick.