Run date: 27/10/2014

Hare: Zorro

Venue: Mackay Bowls Club – Nebo Road

Hashers: 33

 

As usual the rabble that is Mackay Hash was late being called to order after McFanny gave Zorro a sound nagging to get his shit together and get the run going as we had much to do on AGPU night. Some smart bastard was muttering McFanny should be renamed 68 and a half degrees.

Off the majority trotted but some blatant short cutting bastards were brazen enough to just sit on their arses and not even bother starting. We meandered for while somewhere around town, over near George Street and then through some grass with soggy conditions underfoot, trust Zorro to find a big damp patch for us, gee thanks!

Back to the bowls club for free piss and nosh, BBQ supper and plenty of it.

Circle called and the usual bad jokes ensued, welcome back Knothead! Pants turned up with stolen contraband a carton of gold and McFanny’s long lost pubic wig. It had been given a dose of herpes which was somehow connected to Knothead he can explain it I’m not even gonna try.

A few returning runners from Moranbah and Rockie, all were very welcome to join the rabble. Pensioner then entertained the crown with a rousing rhyming tale about Hot Rocks mother, jeez no wonder that boy has issues when you hear about his family.   Smegma was in booming voice as usual and heckled the committee old and new.

New committee was chosen and are as follows:

 

Grand Master	Zorro
Monk	Pensioner
Monkee	Radish
Hash Cash	Golden Showers
Trail Master	Golly
On Sec	Teflon
Hash Piss	Viagra
Haberdashery	Delicious
Choir Master	Tarzan
Hash Horn	Cummalot

 

Thanks to the old committee for their hard work and perseverance. To the new committee welcome and good luck for the coming year.

Prizes awarded were as follows:

o   Scary Snake Run – Corgi

o   Pyromaniac of the year – Oui, Oui for Pea Beau’s 60^th pyre.

o   Worst Nosh – Prick (who else could it be and sausages as usual)

o   Hooker – best location, Sarina

o   Dummy Spit – Nicka @ Yeppoon

o   Best run – Rosella Blurry and Hot Rocks – out in the wilds without a paddle

o   Best Nosh – Radar & Klinger Spring Rolls

o   Shittiest weather – Delicious

o   Most runs – Daffodil 47 this year.

o   Dirty Old Man award went to Radish for sleeping with four women that wasn’t his wife all in the same weekend at Yeppoon. I know it was a Valentines run but that is stretching it a bit far……

Hash Piss behind the bar was running low and a few shuffled off quoting “it’s a school night” fucking poor excuses for hashers where’s yer backbone gone?

The rest then skipped off home full of Hash piss!

On On
McFanny

 

Run date: 20/10/2014

Hare: Prick

Venue: One Kenzey Street, North Mackay

Hashers: 25

 

Twenty or so hashers hidden away at the back of Prick’s place waiting for the hash piss to arrive, before they would even contemplate venturing out for a walk.  A little confusion over the blue SS Ute returning as the Hash Piss Chariot, but once it was confirmed that the hash piss was indeed in the back, all was good.

Prick gave the instructions: – marked in flour, mainly on the right, don’t get run over as you have to cross Malcomsen Street and Evans Avenue 4 times, and there is a piss stop.  On on you go directly towards the North Mackay Bowls Club, this may have been a dangerous move for some……

Away we went, of course as I was a short cutting bastard along with Raddish, I can’t advise on the run/walk, except to say that the rumoured Piss Stop at Zorro’s must have been a failed magic wand moment for the Hare, as there was no piss to be found there or anywhere else!  As memory serves Gary gave the run report, and it sounded like he enjoyed it at least.

No Hash Cash Streaker, so Golden Showers filled in with Mango’s assistance.  Smegma was heard calling out for it to be free, which fell on deaf ears.  Bloody shit stirrer!

Due to our Welsh Monk Pea Beau being absent to finally become an Australian citizen, our fill in Monk Hot Rocks called the circle assisted by our Hash Horn Golly.  Down Downs for the Hare, and Virgin Runner Alex, jokes aplenty by Pensioner, Quickie, Tonguer to name a few.  Charges to Zorro for cross dressing at Cutlery Hash’s Red Dress Run on the weekend; they did however raise $2100 for the Royal Flying Doctor Service in just 3 hours, pub crawling down the main streets of Yeppoon.

Prick tells me Mackay haven’t done a Red Dress Run since possibly 2001, maybe it is time to organise a Red Dress Run for a worthwhile charity?  Any excuse for a piss up really……

Cummalot reintroduced her BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend) to the circle from the previous week, saying it had done a fantastic job and a big thank you to Baagoose.  But she was now completely satisfied and no longer in desperate need???  It now has its own little cover, and has been adorned with glitter and sparkles and named the “Hash Dildo of Destiny” Hot Rocks has been made the custodian for this week.  I think it is meant to be handed out weekly for either someone in need of a penis or perhaps to whoever deserves to be the dick off the week?

A Hashy Birthday to Raggedy Ann who they say will never look a day over 29, and a farewell to Blurry who is back to Peterborough on Friday for the next five months.  Executive lunch will be held at Yummy Food at 39 Wood Street at 12:29pm, for all you lucky retirees, invalids and bludgers alike.  Shirt orders are still being taken by Teflon for the Happy Hippie Hash Tees.

Next week’s run is the AGPU at the Mackay Bowls Club, Nebo Road and we were reminded by the Hash Piss/Trail Master that all 13 positions will be available if you are interested. Strange, I only count 11, so maybe there are a couple of new positions up for grabs?

Hash nosh was sausages in 3 day old white bread, but at least they were barbecued and not par-boiled as is the norm for Prick.  No butter and no salt anywhere, so must have used up the weekly food stamp allowance on these commodities, and put them in the hot spuds he served earlier!

More bullshit and banter followed about everything and anything, then last drinks were called and we all pissed off.

On On
Delicious

Run date: 13/10/2014

Hare: Boom n Teflon

Venue: Eimeo SLSC

Hashers: 33

 

 

About 30 hashers gathered for the fray at the Clubhouse on the beach. This was the run to polish off the Away Run weekend up at Cameron’s Pocket, where we had gathered to take on the elements, rainforest, roaring streams and the Mushroom Party up the road.

The Hare started by handing out a few printed sheets with cryptic scrawl all over them. This he stated was a MAP. Of the RUN. This was DIFFERENT!!!  No fucking marks!!  No organisation!!  In fact, insult was added to injury, as he gave the map to Hottie.  Hottie who had left school at age 8, had a fair bit of trouble deciphering the map and was last seen looking at it upside down. He was concentrating very hard and obviously in a fair bit of trouble. Blurry and Pensioner came to help him, but their skills were no better. They were last seen having a blue over what the map was all about. I said to Teflon should I give them a hand, but all she said was  “Fuck Them”.
A verbal indication of the route was then given as very few of the Hashers can in fact read [ Hottie is in very good company ].  We all took off through the wilds of Eimeo, a few hills through to Dolphin Heads, along dark streets to the mangroves and then back to the beach. No water. No sand. No dirt. No mud. No marks. You work it out!
The circle showed a fair bit of promise as it was again conducted by the world’s best monks. The Hash mugs had disappeared, but landed in the circle from on high- a gift from God.  Pea Beau was in good form , and 69 had stowed the Box Brownie as she had run out of film after snapping at the Away Run. We had jokes, multiple charges and a down down  for the visiting  runners- Quickie 1 and 2, Quickette, Cone , Rummy and Garry.
Then we all had soup, steak rolls, salad, a few beers and when the beer ran out we all went home to Mummy.

Executive lunch on Tuesday set a new record of 18 starters. Is this a sign of increasing interest, or an indication the most of us are unemployed pensioners or simply unemployable! I feel we now have the numbers to approach Streaker [ again ] for Concession rates for those of us who are less fortunate then some of the more affluent. I can hear the answer from here!!

Next Run:  1 Kenzey Street, North Mackay.
Cheers. On On
Prick.

 

Run date: 06/10/2014

Hare: Baagoose

Venue: 21 Park Street Mackay

Hashers: 24

 

For the Labour Day long week-end the run was at Baagoose’s ponderosa where 24 enthusiastic hashers gathered ready for the run.

As always a bit of chatter before the run catching up on last week’s gossip. Zorro, Delicious, Blurry & Quickie amongst others had been to the Townsville 2000 away run at Crystal Creek Caravan Park north of Townsville.

Hare Baagoose gave us the full rundown about what/where/when of the run in 2 coloured chalks, flour & yellow surveyors tape. We set off in a south-easterly direction through Queens Park following the flour a few checks along the way along storm drains, around the streets through the sand hills in no-man’s land between the 2 Binnington esplanades along the fenceline then OH. It was well marked we got a little lost at times eventually finding trail again back to Baagooses.

There was a bit more chatter & Peabeau called the circle assisted by Golly , Baagoose got the usual down down, there were several very funny jokes by Peabeau, Tounger, Prick, Blurry but the best joke was by Cummalott where she managed to ‘pull’ Blurry in well & truly.

Zorro gave a short report on the Townsville run, with the news also that Snot was very excited at the prelube at the Townsville run he had a heart attack & ended up in Townsville hospital. (Get well soon Snot)

I got a down down for not going to the Townsville away run since I spend a lot of time up there. Teflon came in with the very good reason that I couldn’t make the week-end announcing that there was far more exciting news & that Strappa-dick-to-me (our daughter) had a baby boy! So Teflon got a down down as well for becoming a grandmother.

There were other down downs given & more jokes. Quickie seemed to receive her fair share for one reason or another. Everyone was reminded about the away run this weekend at Camerons Pocket. Don’t forget your hippie gear for Saturday Night.

Baagoose excelled himself with a really tasty beef & vegetable curry “VERY NICE Baagoose” well done.

Some of the hashers are going to have lunch at the Calen Pub @ 12.29pm on Friday before they go on to Camerons Pocket to set up for the weekends bash.

Have a HAPPY HIPPY HASH weekend.

ON ON
Boom n Bust

Run date: 28/09/2014

Hare: Knothead

Venue: 10 The Barons Drive

Hashers: 21

 

The mob gathered, as usual.  At Knothead’s place.  Your scribe had thought that it was to have been at Smegma’s place, but who knows.  So I hauled out my trusty GPS to get me there.  Typing into the address line…” Knothead’s place”   yielded  #@$%&)!(##@@.

So that was the end of that.  So much for useless technology.  Take it back to Pea Beau’s mob to get a refund because their wretched machine doesn’t even know how to find Knothead’s place.

Anyhow, the pack assembled.  Then we were waiting for Tonguer – as per bloody usual.

Eventually a Group 6 decision was made that he wasn’t coming tonight, and the hare sent us off with some fuzzy directions.  I don’t remember much about the run itself, not very memorable, suffice to say that it was a pleasant amble in good weather around the streets of Andergrove.  I suppose that the most memorable thing about it was that the trail formed a perfect rectangle.  Even I did not get lost on this one. But a bloody lazy and unimaginative hare.

So, back to Knothead’s place, the Hash piss ute seemed to have undergone some radical restructuring since last week.  But the beer was just as plentiful, and just as cold.   Goodie.

For some reason, Knothead had started a fire off in one corner of the yard, so the pack was split into two centres.  But who really cared.  Nice snacks to fend off the hunger pains until the monk appeared in his habit-like monk’s attire. Something was definitely up.

Circle called.  During the ensuing melee, the monk reprimanded Blurry, whose excuse was that he was talking on his phones speaker with Radish.  Who cares.  However the monk was having trouble exerting control over an increasingly unruly assemblage.

The hare was called for a down down.  WHP gave a run report – Fucking Boring.  And fair enough.

Knothead had barely downed his down-down when the monk blurted out his first joke.  Kind of like he had been bottling it inside, and the joke finally burst out into the open.  But nobody got it, so no harm done.

Blurry called Baagoose for a down down for something or other, unworthy of a mug of piss – but who cares?

The monk called for returning runners – Two Moons and Mr Squiggle.

Then the monk let fly with another joke – as bad as the first, and it, too, fell flat.

Blurry got a down down for failing to produce a run report for last week.

Smegma charged the monk for failing to adequately secure his possessions while sleeping in front of his TV, after more than a few scotches, with his earphones on.  So somebody let themselves in, knocked off his iPad, phone, camera and wallet.  Bloody Pea Beau.

The monk charged the GM for his birthday.

Golly called for a charge and a minute’s silence for Zorro and Prick.

Linda got a down down for sucking up to the monk.

The monk ordered all the circle onto their knees – with special dispensation for Flaps.

Linda was called front and centre. A Naming.  First, after some discussion, she was christened as  Cummalott.

Meanwhile, Two Moons is smooching Cummalott, but she didn’t seem to be too excited about his attentions.  Resulting in a charge on Two Moons for over-achieving.

Second naming for  Leanne who was called out front and centre. After some discussion, the name was chosen, with ensuing christening Drip Tray.

 

 

 

 

 

 
Then a charge on Knothead for having a haircut while the pack was on the run.

Charge on Two Moons for new shoes.  He got the full on proper fill and took it as a dunking – what a waste of piss.

Cummalott then charged Two Moons for Spillage.

In desperation, the monk closed the circle with the Hash Song.

Then to Hash Nosh – pretty good and tasty.  Lots of piss and plenty of bullshit ensued.

Not a bad night’s business.

Your scribe, Baagoose

Run date: 22/09/2014

Hare: ShowUs

Venue: Annie Wood Ave Park , Mt Pleasant 

Hashers: 18

 

G’Day all

 

No run report seems like everyone and no one was doing it!