Run Date: 26th October 2015
Run No #1827
Hares: Smegma & Hot Rocks
Venue: Mongrel’s Shed at 307 Homebush Road
Hashers: 28
Smegma & Hotrocks— Mongrel’s shed, Rosella/Homebush Road, 26/10/15.
I have finally managed to get my legs working again, and get out of bed after the MARATHON cross country excursion HOT ROCKS and SMEGMA disguised and promoted as the best hash run of the year!!!
I joined the HARES for a pre-lube at the Mackay Bowls Club, where we had a couple of frosties waiting to be picked up by the lovely STREAKER to be taken to hash. Straight away, SMEGMA, who will now be known as The BOB, (Bushel of Bullshit) started effervescently describing the run of the year…. Only 3K‘s, a visit to a pub, and a school bus to take us home. Seeing it was close to the AGPU, I half thought this might be correct, and started thinking to myself that I might do this, as my knees were playing up, and I had considered not doing the run at all.
Then the beautiful STREAKER arrived to pick us up, and once again The BOB, started spruking the 3K’s/Pub/Bus story, and this is where I smelt a RAT. (Later that night in the circle, RADISH had seen the rat and described it well…” A big cock and a fucking big tail”
So we arrived at MONGREL’S shed, and straight away, The BOB continued on with the scam, very loudly and visibly, so all could see and hear, asking hash cash, MANGO, if she had enough cash on her for drinks at the General Gordon Hotel!
So The BOB told the pack the 3K’s/Pub/Bus story, and the trap had been set. The back of MONGRELS Big Esky refrigerated truck was opened up, the walkway was put in place and we were herded into the refrigerated van by the JUDAS HARE, HOT ROCKS. The refrigerator was blowing an arctic gale as we all took up a pozzy, and the door was locked shut. The truck started moving, and all of a sudden we felt like pig carcasses going to the butcher shop. PRICK said he knew what the outcome was going to be, caus this is what they did to the Jews when Hitler gassed them.
15 minutes later the truck came to a stop, (3k’s?) and out we got in the middle of the road, like a bunch of Mexicans just smuggled across the border into the USA.
JUDAS HARE, HOT ROCKS gave us the direction to go in, and off we went, trying to work out where we were, and more importantly, which direction was the pub in…
This is where things turned to shit. Off the bitumen and into the cane paddocks we went, and around every corner we could see big mango trees that surely was the back of the General Gordon Hotel. Sadly this never eventuated, and the walk/run just went on and on and on, until finally we hit a bitumen road with a tram line beside it. Surely we were now heading to the pub, caus as I recall there is a tram line close to the General. No deal, off into the cane paddock again, however this part was much rougher than the previous, and TARZAN and myself were wondering about how we could call 000 and get an ambulance to pick us up. VIAGRA had a thought that we might end up at JOCKSTRAPS place for a drink, but that idea evaporated into the MICROSOFT CLOUD as well.
OMG, when will this F*&%#$G walk finish….. By now TOUNGER, TARZAN, PRICK and myself were dragging our worn out limbs along the ground at the rear of the pack. RADISH said to me, “if you can make it to the dam, we will come and get you all in the 4 wheeler”.
Finally, TOUNGER led us through the cane paddock and back to the On On… 8 F*&%#$G K’s it turned out to be, no wonder we were shagged, haven’t been that far since I was a youth.
A few cold beers and all started to come good again.
The circle was called and the Monk, PENSIONER took over the proceedings. The hares, The BOB, and the JUDAS HARE were called to the front for a down down, where RADISH had a special down down brace, for a special run, that he gave to The BOB for his down down. The song was sung, and the beers went down, however The BOB was called back out again and given another beer, and was told the beer had to be downed with the braced arm. Again no deal, using the piss poor excuse that STREAKER would not take him home if he was covered in beer!!!!
PENSIONER started the jokes and this started an onslaught of jokes flying from across the circle like a table tennis ball on a table. CUMMALOT received two down downs for getting pissed and losing her horn and covering up with the spare horn, as well as another for leaving her Vodka flask in VIAGRAS tent on the away run. Mongrel got a triple as well, one for allowing us to run from his shed and supplying the food, one from the last time we visited, where his phone ended up in the fire pit, and finally one for winning so many lucky door prizes, as was noted in his trophy cabinet on the wall.
SNOT in the absence of KNOT HEAD took out the worst joke and was given a just and correct drink, and then back out again for wearing a hat in the circle. (Bloody retirees and their free drinks)
Circle ended, (a few more shit beers used up), and it was in to the tucker. MONGREL cooked up a storm of delicious hamburger patties and tasty sausages that were consumed with gusto, unlike the singing of the Mackay Hash Song. The heavy beers leftover from the big run were consumed with the expected results, and the conversation flowed freely and loudly, until the drivers and Hash Piss gave us our last drinks call.
On home we all went, ruined but happy…
The latest news just in is that The BOB and the JUDAS Hare have gone into hiding in fear of their life. Hot Rocks has disappeared for a few days, (overseas rumor has it) and The BOB has vanished to some unknown fishing hut… We will hunt them down and bring them and their families to justice.
An award for the SCAM of the year seems in place.
C U at the AGPU
The Blurrrrr
