Run Date:  27th January 2020
Run No #2057
Hare: Screw & Fork
Venue: 80A Maple Drive Andygrove 
Hashers: 19

 

19 Hashers gathered at Screw & Fork’s joint in deepest dark Andygrove. Trying to be oblivious to the rain, we all squeezed in under the rear porch. Did I mention it was raining? At the appropriate time Screw led us out to the front gate, in the rain, and proceeded to mumble something about chalk marks washing away in the rain. Because it was raining. Anyway, with umbrellas pointing skywards, we set off, in the rain, to the local pub, The Andygrove Tavern. Well, we got there, even though it was raining, and yours truly, having access to the HashCash, procured several jugs of refreshing ale to wash down the rain. I might add here that the manager of said pub is in the running for publican of the year for giving us a 10% discount. $4 off an $18 jug = $14. Huh? I hear you ask….. that’s 22.18%. Well, yes it is, so don’t tell him.
After slurping the beer, including the 22.18% we got for free, it was time to dive into the rain once more, and back to the beer at home, in the rain. Did I mention it was raining….? Well, actually, it seems, Mackay got the highest rainfall in the state, so yes, it was raining.
Back at the ranch, a cobloaf appeared, and quickly disappeared….along with more beer, until the circle got called, and the usual happened….down downs for the hares, a joke or three, general bullshit, charges? dunno, can’t remember, and a rousing chorus of the hashsong….. and then, circle closed!
Fork dived into the kitchen and returned with a steaming pot of rice n curried sausage stuff, which went down a treat, seeing as how it was a wet nite. And then, after hearing stories of an unfortunate woman who choked on a lamington, produced a big pack of ……. lamingtons. No deaths though, as they all got chomped….. more general banter, and then the hoard wandered off home, in the rain.
A great wet night, although a slightly marred ending when we got home, and Mango decided to enter the garage at breakneck speed, crashing into my new motorcycle. Hmmmm. Not happy.
OnOn…. Pensch.

Run Date:  20th January 2020
Run No #2056
Hare: Tarzan
Venue: John Breen Park 
Hashers: 20ish

 

Around 20 intrepid hash people turned out at John Breen Park, to partake in former hash monk Tarzan’s run, Tarboys freshly back from his Elvis pilgrimage, he finally got the rabble away, after telling everybody that there would a piss stop, and pointed towards the gooseponds, and away we went, as I had seen marks getting there and had a good idea where we were going and 4 hashers made the piss stop at Tarboys place, the rest just shortcutted, back at the onon the circle was called by stand in monk, JCF, but was a total fuckup, as the GM was doing the trailmasters job, trying to conjure up runs, so we sang the song and fuck the down downs and jokes, then the nibbles came out, while the main course was cooked, sausages, mash and gravey well done Tarboy, most people talked shit and drank piss till hashpiss yelled last drinks, at which mineself and Fork trolled off for sleepys, a good night ON ON. Screw.

 

Run Date:  13th January 2020
Run No #2055
Hare:  Fill De Jaw, Wheelie Bin & Hot Salami
Venue:  32 Spinnaker Way, Royal Sands, Bucasia
Hashers: 19 & 1/2

 

Well around 19 and a half a baby Hashers showed up to run the wilds of Bucasia. The baby had to come as bubs is still hanging around in Fill de Jaw waiting until the time is right to meet us.

McFanny was the last to arrive at 6.03 expecting to be a whole 7 minutes earlier than Tonguer but blow me down the old bugger decided to be early!

Off we trotted around the hills and dunes of Royal Sands where I hear Harry and Meghan are looking for a new place to live…

Lassie was trailblazer having to be pulled back from running miles extra.

Back to the Hot Filled Salami household where the circle was formed.

2 virgin runners or just some randoms maybe? Anyway they stayed!

Birthday wishes for Golly and the birthday girl Fill De Jaw.

Bad jokes from our special sponsors, Hooker, JCF and Tonguer. Need I say more.

Beer drank from the slimmed down esky.

Lots of lovely French crepes, and a delicious carrot cake for tea!

And then we all fucked off!

Until next week where Tar Boy will show us around the natural habitat of John Breen Park!

On on McFanny

Filly and Golly comparing their bellies & Wheelie trying to understand Hooker’s joke! 

    

Run Date:  6th January 2020
Run No #2054
Hare: Half a Boat 
Venue: 12 David Muir Street Slade Point. 
Hashers: 15

 

A grand total of 15 brave souls rocked up to Half-a-Boat’s new shed in David Muir St Slade Point. Amazingly, Halfa had managed to clear some of the shit cluttering the floor by pushing it all backwards into a neat pile of shit. And Chopstix was busy creating stuff in her Annie’s Kitchen Van, so we knew something tasty was coming later. After half an hour of chit-chat, Half-a-Boat called us to attention and led us to the front gate, muttering something about pink tape/paint and sent us off….. 2 supposed runners took an immediate short cut and headed back to the beer. The rest of us followed the trail, which led us into The Melaleuca Forest/Swamp …. the boardwalk in there led us past actual swamp, until the pink arrow directed us off the path into….. The Swamp! Around about now 17,897,654 mozzies decided to feast upon us, so, amid cries of “fuck Half-a-Boat” we turned back and ran for home. Upon return to the shed we found nibblies of bikkies n dip n beer. Then the Monkee, who had actually turned up, cried out to form a circle. In the absence of The Monk, I took the reins, and doled out down downs for Halfa (shitty trail), Chuck (sometimes runner, ex Moranbah H3) and newbies Brian and Lei, both of whom told us life stories in 3 seconds. Zorro told a couple of jokes, lifted straight from Facebook, and then I opened a bag of goodies, and presented Tounger with a shirt to commemorate 1400 runs, and Mango with a towel to commemorate 200 runs   (she has a bunch more runs, but the records got lost many moons ago.) Around about now the rain tumbled down, so the circle moved inside.  Bullshit over and song sung, we fell upon a Chinese feast of rice, curried chook, beef, vegs, mushrooms, other stuff, can’t remember the names but it sure tasted good! More beers, and then the mob slowly trickled off home.

Now, I now it’s Xmas time of year, but over the last few weeks, numbers have been well down, which means the Hash bank a/c is slowly draining. So, c’mon you slackers, get up from in front of the TV/computer/playstation/kids/grandies/dogs, and head out on a Monday night…..

OnOn, Pensioner

See ya next week at Fil de Jaw’s 32 Spinnaker Way Royal Sands.

 

Run Date:  6th January 2020
Run No #2054
Hare: Half a Boat 
Venue: 12 David Muir Street Slade Point. 
Hashers: 15

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…..

Episode 2054 – It is only Half a Boat!

With the rebellion totally crushed after last weeks rebel attempt by keen Ball Bay Hash to abscond with our MH3 members, we marched to Half a Boats shed at Slade point.

15 eager souls took part in celebrating our victory over the rebel scum including a virgin couple Lee and her husband matey, Bob, George, John or something like that.

We eagerly waited for directions on our next mission and were told to follow the pink paint. That’s where Zorro and I got off track never to be seen again until later that is. Everton else had a ball, best run ever apparently!

We eagerly waited institutions and were told to follow the pink paint. That’s where Zorro and I got off track never to be seen again until later that is.

Exit scene with cheaply made black side swipe effect and intro the next scene.

Once we all returned Pensioner took control bringing the troops to attention, Tarzan where are you by the way? Before long the supreme leader Darth Pensch was dishing out down downs to everyone except me. Probably because I am the Luke Skywalker type character and hero of the story. Well you will continue to let me write these things you villainous scum! Anyway, back to the story. It was a great show of force, pun intended, by Darth to utilise the dark side totally dominating the circle. With that done we sang the victory song led well by me of course.

Once the formal ceremony and victory speeches were delivered in the form of jokes, we feasted Chipsticks style with the best produce the Empire could confiscate. It was yummy Chinese food, did I say it was yummy? It was yummy anyway.

 

Exit scene again with another cheaply made black side swipe effect and intro the next scene.

 

When we finished feasting Commander Half a Boat brought out some Tim Tams in what was a miserable attempt at Imperial Pudding. As my master Yoda said, “You can only see once you have blinded your Eyes JCF”…. I am still trying to work out the relevance of that and furthermore the relevance of it to this story. But hey, Yoda has to make an appearance, somewhere right?

 

Exit scene yet again with another cheaply made black side swipe effect and intro the next scene.

 

Flashback…… Before Darth Pensch started the Imperial Circle, Commander Half a Boat served chips, biscuits and 2 dips which are apparently called snacks.

 

Exit scene yet again with another cheaply made…. Oh you have gotta get this by now stop making me make you all visualise or I will strike you with my dad’s lightsabre.

 

With that said we jumped into our Imperial Cruisers and pissed off….. so until next week where we again congregate for episode 2055 at Fill De Jaw, Wheelie Bin & Hot Salami 32 Spinnaker Way, Royal Sands, Bucasia Filly’s Birthday!

 

Key music (score) and blacken screen and roll credits…..

 

On On

JCF and TJ

 

 

 

 

Run Date: 30th December 2019
Run No #2053
Hare: Matches 
Venue: 12 Mason Street Ball Bay
Hashers: 10

What a record breaking event it was.

Run number 1 for the Ball Bay Tearaway HHH. We waited until almost 1815hrs for Golly but he did not show and we had 10 dedicated hashers wanting to do the Ball Bay circuit.

The hare aka Matches, mumbled tape and oh yeh chalk and stuff and things. With our decisive instructions it was off into the wild grey wander we went. It was approximately 2 minutes into the trail that Huey the rain maker started a tantrum but thankfully it wasn’t for long. We crossed lakes, a second hand car yard and found the most expensive council camping facility ever as we meandered the trail. It even had a piss stop. Port and lemonade which also doubled as the down down piss too.

Back at Ball Bay central we were treated to a wonderful salmon dip, nuts (Ball Bay specials), biscuits and some other dip I can’t recall. I thought is was weird having our meal before the circle but I was told they were pre dinner snacks, something this hasher has never heard of.

We all jumped to our feet as Ball Bay monk Zorro snapped us into a circle. Charges for Matches for setting the trail and a charge for not collecting the tape before the ever entertaining BBM Zorro cracked a couple of jokes. It was not long before we were introduced to a new hasher, Bernadette, who told us her life story. Well she copped a charge and then the song was sung.

We sat around chewing the Ball Bay fat for a while and then Matches presented us with the best ever ham and salad rolls.

They even served sweets which is something every run should have, except mine of course. Well until next week at Half a Boats shed ceeyuz.

On on

JCF and TJ

Run Date: 23rd December 2019
Run No #2052
Hare: McFanny’s Hoose
Venue:  13 Grasstrail Street Andergrove
Hashers: 16

 

12 Lonely Walkers

11 Christmas lights flashing

10 Dogs barking

9   Harriettes

8  Lips are burning

7  Male Hashers

6  Down Downs

5  Rings of fire

4  Tales of bullshit

3  Cob loaves

2  Pots of Curry

1  Pregnant hasher due in the new year.

 

Merry Christmas.

On On Matches

Run Date: 16th December 2019
Run No #2051
Hare: Pensch & Mango 
Venue: 12 Douglas Crescent Rural View 
Hashers: 21

 

With what was promised to be a hilly affair, Pensioner explained the relevance of the sex symbol written in chalk on his driveway. For a few moments I thought I introduced some new runners to a swingers group not a hash group! Luckily, when I change angle to look at it again it was a check trail symbol. Anyway, after the safety meeting and briefing we were all released to run havoc climbing Rural View. 

Corgi and some other front runners took off into the distance and it was not long before the group was stretched across many kilometres due to the false trails which was incredible as the trail was only 4.5km. Maybe it had something to do with Zorro finding another invisible arrow or something.

Back at base camp we recalled the activities of the trail with little or no exaggeration whilst a few cold beers were sucked down to rehydrate. 

The circle was called and Golly took the reins as monk. Of course the hare took one for a shitty and rather flat trail, I got one along with streaker regarding culinary opportunities, we welcomed a virgin runner Gary, Susans partner, our Gold Coast mates copped one but the rest of the circle was a blur. 

With a poor rendition of the MH3 Hash Song out of the way, hash nosh was on. What a great variety of food it was too. Well done Pensioner and Mango. 

The setting was lovely to eat the meal and I was really enjoying my burger and sausage when I noticed innocent little petite Raggedy Ann sitting and enjoying her meal. I smiled and thought gosh Golly is a lucky bloke to have a lady like her, when all of a sudden I noticed a fu%*#ng big male appendage hanging between her legs. I fair dinkum choked on my bloody sausage! But then realised apparently its okay for Golly to be lucky to have a bloke like her/him/other also. 

Scores for 2051
Swingers Club Symbol – 10/10
Run – 4/10 – too many invisible arrows and not enough hills
Circle – 5/10 more jokes people
Entrees – 1/10 who does entrees at hash anyways. Oh wait, TJ loved the mango dip thingy so that’s why it got one point, otherwise it would have been 0, like the need to entrees, 
Main Course – 10/10 just bloody perfect and it’s not the hares fault I chocked on a sausage. 
Pudding – 0/10 because what is that anyway? 
Raggedy Ann coming out of the closet – 10/10

Until next time on on 

JCF and TJ 

Run Date: 9th December 2019
Run No #2050
Hare: JCF
Venue: John Breen Park North Mackay 
Hashers: 20

 

20 brave souls turned up for JCF’s masterful attempt at setting a challenging trail.
The usual banter was being slung around, until JC stepped forward, armed with a long piece of gyprock/chalk, started laying down a series of hieroglyphics, and trying to explain what each one was…. Luckily, no-one was listening and with a cry of OnOn headed of into the wilds of Nth Mackay. Eventually, they all came back, from many different directions, all wondering where the hell the trail went! Last to roll in was the very popular Half-a-Boat, who was cheered like a Rockstar, mainly because he had the key to the HashPiss.

The slurping began, and shit was talked, until The Monkee, who actually turned up for a change, yelled “Form a Circle”. Stand in Monk Prick seemed a little amused, as there wasn’t any hashpiss on the table, and so, with encouragement, the Monkee went and got some. Prick immediately went to town doling out down downs to the many unquiet attendees for not being quiet. JCF got his just deserts, as did returning runner TJ, and newby Sue, a friend of TJs. Lassie seemed delighted to be called forth for free beer. Last week Zorro charged myself with short changing him $1.90, so I called him forward, gave him a $2 coin, and a demand for 10 cents change. Zorro quickly produced a 20 cent coin and demanded 10 cents change from me! He got a free beer instead. I think there was more down downs, but can’t really remember. Only one joke was told, by yours truly, and was quickly nominated for “joke of the year”. Well done me. Eventually the song was sung, well, snippets of it really, and the circle closed.

JCF produced a massive pot of sausage stew, along with fresh bread and smashed potato. Musta took him a day or three to get it all ready, and the hungry hoards did their best to scoff it all, but I fear ole JC might be eatin sausage stew for a day or two. With bulging bellies the unwashed masses tried to slurp more beer, but there didn’t seem to be any room left. Slowly in dribs and drabs they wandered off home. Well done JCF!

Bring your mountain gear next week, for a forage amongst the slopes of Rural View!

OnOn, Pensioner.

Run Date: 2nd December 2019
Run No #2049
Hare: Lassie & Tonto 
Venue: 23 St Bees Ave Bucasia 
Hashers: 18

Well another great night was enjoyed by all. Tonto set the run , barb wire, “COWS”, and a sewerage plant or so I was told !! and lots of scrub! and even a piss stop, when we got back there was plenty of watermelon.

Circle was called ,charges to Pensioner, he actually done the hole run! Only because Zorro led him astray and missed the trail.

Forgot to charge Fork! she also did the full run. Congratulations !!!!

Hair Trigger was charged, don’t know what for ? Couple of jokes were told, I think they were Knothead ones!!

Nosh was bought out,” It looked a bit like Xmas” without the prawns , then dessert same deal plus ice cream! at the end we still had potato salad coming out of our ears### Think Mcfanny has a potato farm up at her wee hoose !!

A big thank you to Zorro who made sure we had hash piss.

Hash Song. Circle closed.

ON ON till next week with hare JCF  .

GM Streaker