Run Date: 24th October 2016
Run No #1880
Hare: WHP & Breaststroke
Venue: 16 Lochmaben Crt Beaconsfield
Hashers: 28

Well the usual bunch of hashing reprobates gathered at WHP and Breaststroke’s pink piggy. Off the gang burst into a slow trot around the streets of Andergrove with many moans and groans when we hit the hill, a few had to be given oxygen when they reached base camp. Thank goodness we didn’t go any higher as altitude sickness would have kicked in. The runners took off god knows where but they weren’t at the piss stop when the walkers showed up at Radish and Paw Paws. After a tropical fruit extravaganza cocktail  the crowd moved onward home.

Returning hashers were greeted with lovely dips and  nibblies, yum! The usual crap was talked pre-circle. Then suddenly the circle was formed with many freezing hashers. Down downs were issued with more tropical fruit piss, Mango vigilant on health and safety warning the Monk not to choke anyone on tropical fruit. What a way to go👍🏻. Speaking of choking episodes Lassie was given a down down for heroically saving Quickie’s life as she choked on a chip on Sunday after the away run. Hot Lips was welcomed back as a returning runner. Hash AGPU is next week and calls for nominations for the new committee were announced. Circle closed and the hash song was sung with gusto.

Honorary Hash Flash, Prick then entertained us with many photos. Pin up girl Shizza appearing in a high percentage of photos, anything you care to share????

Food was served in abundance lots of sausages, bacon and a lovely tomato sauce. Dessert was a yummy tropical fruit, cream and meringue number.

The crowd then thinned out as bollocks and lady bits were starting to fall off with the cold. Next week should be warmer as it’s in a bowls club.

On on

McFanny

Run Date: 17th October 2016
Run No #1878
Hare: Lassie & Tonto
Venue: 23 St Bees Avenue, Bucasia
Hashers: 34

34 intrepid hashers turned up, well, one visitor was late, at Lassie & Tonto’s Bucasia abode, only to find it resembling a mini caravanpark, with Bundy vistors WhiteAnt & Stumps ensconced in the backyard, along with L&T’s own van. Lassie called the troops to attention, and prattled off some instructions, but no-one was listening, so the pack ambled off in a westerly direction. Tonto covered the rear, and eventually we crossed Bucasia Rd and found a trail leading off through a pineapple plantation surrounded by sugarcane. Very Queenslanderish! We roamed along through country we hadn’t seen before, past a croc-infested billabong and over a creek leading to a dirt road, at the end of which we found…… a piss stop! Apparently (according to OuiOui, who’s been known to bend the truth) the piss stop was supplied by Mackay Full Moon Hash. Dunno about that, but it tasted good anyway. On back through some backstreets, and we found ourselves back at the ranch. A great run/walk, enjoyed by all.

Lassie produced some dip and some nachos which quickly disappeared whilst hashcash was collected, and bullshit dissected.

Stand-in Monkee Golly called the circle to order, and The Monk began deliberations. It soon became apparent that Smegma and Pants had entered a competition to see who could be the loudest interrupter. A down-down for the 2 hares, followed by birthday drinks for both Mango and RaggedyAnne. The Monk fired off a few jokes which prompted TwoMoons,… (the visitor who’d turned up late, headed off on his own and got lost….. so we thought. In fact he went to a mate’s place, had a beer or three, and returned dragging along said mate Ross, complete with dog, and introduced him to hashing)… to launch into a very very long and tiresome joke about something no one was listening to. A down-down was promptly despatched, along with down-downs for visitors Stumps, WhiteAnt, Lingus, and newby Ross. Snot was charged with calling BloJo by her real name, which he tried to reverse but was over-ruled by The Monk and had a drink anyway. More jokes were told, and more charges, but I can’t remember them all……oh yes, we had a farewell drink for Blurry’s knee, which will be removed on Wednesday amid much pain, and replaced with a new improved version.

The Monk then reported on last Tuesday’s 12.29 Executive Lunch, held at Norths Leagues Club. After feeding the 13 of us, later that afternoon the club closed it’s doors and ceased trading. This decision was no doubt exacerbated by Lassie winning a $120 keno payout, which was, I’m led to believe,  the straw that broke the camel’s back. Lassie received a down-down for her efforts.

The song was sung with much gusto, but right in the middle of it….. the power went out! The song then wobbled right off the rails, and the circle closed.

In the midst of darkness, torches were produced, the hashpissmobile was repositioned with lights on, and our 2 hares served up a delicious BBQ of burgers n sausages. It was around this time that I had to reluctantly agree with Smeg that The Brightside has become The Darkside, albeit on a temporary basis. More beers was drunk, and bullshit talked, and we wondered off into the dark dark night.

The away run is this weekend, the TGIF drinks will be held at Camerons Pocket.  BYO piss. See ya there!

Pensioner

The Monk

Run Date: 10th October 2016
Run No #1877
Hare: Blurry
Venue: Wetlands Amphitheater at the end of Alexandria St, West Mackay lagoons.
Hashers: 31

As we all illegally gathered to welcome yet another week of hard work or retirement, the speculation of a complex and detailed Blurry run came to fruition. We were all amazed at the detailed description he gave regarding the run as he chanted something about a check, runners this way walkers this way, a false trail and blah blah blah. With that said off we went. Arrows everywhere is the best description for this run, arrows, checks and false trails everywhere. Blurry was surely laughing out loud with the trail and its complexity. His vision of hashers being lost in the wilderness for hours was certainly about to happen. In true Mackay Hash fashion, the runners ran the walkers walked and short cuts were found. People everywhere following false trails, crossing paths, finding on backs and arrows a plenty and it was just the first check. Not sure what happened to the complex Blurry trail because the pack settled into a rhythm and followed the trail to perfection finding no more checks, false trails, on backs or arrows either! Passing conversations included, “we must have missed the on home marker”, “what is that chalk circle?” and “what does an arrow look like?”

As the last of the stragglers came on home the monk called for a circle which saw us all gather in a brilliantly lit are covered by security cameras. This made me feel extremely safe knowing we were being looked over in some control centre somewhere. At least we would not be mugged or raped tonight, not by others outside the circle anyway!

Charges were called, some stuck, some were reversed. Terrible jokes were told as usual, except for JCF who will surely be nominated for best joke of the year and Tun’s of down downs were allocated. With the circle not in proximity of the eskies, the circle was unofficially closed as the drinks ran dry. Hash nosh was served and bellies were filled. All in all good effort team MH3 great evening as usual!

On On: JCF

Run Date: 3^rd October 2016
Run No #1876
Hare: McFanny
Venue: 13 Grasstrail Street
Hashers: 27

A destroyed bunch of Hashers, partly resulting from the Inaugural Combined Central Queensland Hash weekend at St. Lawrence on the prior weekend, as well as drinking through a long weekend, found their way through the darkness of the north side, and through the bleak and rainy evening that was Monday night, to the Mc Fanny place of residence, which was to be the venue of this nights hash extravaganza.

Pristine was a word that came to mind as I looked around the back yard, to find a spot to park the chairs for the relaxing part of the evening later on.

The usual gaggle of desperados assembled in the back yard, where the Hare, McFanny advised us that she had set the run two times already, and it had been washed away both times, and hence, was not interested in guiding the pack around the run. To beef up her decision, she advised the pack that she had to prepare Hash Nosh, and that was more important.

Enter Smegma……..After running the CCQH weekend to perfection, Smeg, still on an adrenalin rush, stepped forward and advised that he would direct the gaggle of desperados through the run, so off the pack set.

The crippled and destroyed, as well as the lazy bastards, remained behind and discussed the goings’ on at St. Lawrence, until the pack arrived back at McFannies pristine back yard, where they were greeted with dips and crackers. As WHP and his assistants unloaded the refreshments and delivered same to the back yard, I had a crack at the dips. Weeellll, the Salmon and lime dip got my vote, and I just could not stop going back for more.

Pensioner started the circle with a couple of short sharp funnies, then got down to the usual chores. Hares were given a drink, as well as others for all sorts of misdemeanors.

McFanny emerged from the kitchen with a Scottish feast, and the food was devoured with gusto. Then desert followed, and all was well.

Other important issues’ were discussed until bellies were full of food and drink, then everyone wandered off home. Thanks McFanny for another bright moment on the dark side. Bless you all.

Monsignor Blurr.

Run Date: 26th September 2016
Run No #1875
Hare: Hooker with JCF setting the run
Venue: 4 Pharlap Parade Ooralea
Hashers: 30

A crew of 30 hashers arrived at Hookers on the dark side of town. JCF and Hooker called the crew of hashers to order and started the start with directions from JCF. Direction came with some hills and mud (What big lies JCF tells). BUT, he forgot to mention about the traffic we had to dodge and highway we had to cross. (Our lives in hand). First corner was a check, second corner a check, then to find the so-call chalk and flour mark, a blind man wouldn’t even find them. On trail once again, crossing the highway at the lights, finding our way around the back block of Paget, meandering our way back to highway again. This is where the crew split up and wondered home to Hooker place for some refreshment and nibbles.

Circle was called. Charges to the following: Dianne and Rae being virgin runners, Smeg and Zorro for not knowing how many people are going to the St Lawrence run, Blurry and Blow-Jo for doing same thing over and over every-day through the week.  Also, Blurry and Smeg for putting forward a proposal for Nash Hash in Mackay for 2019 (Everyone to think long and hard about this proposal). Pea-Beau contribution with his jokes told by the Monk (Pensioner). Hash song was sung and circle closed.

Hash Nosh was lovely as usual. We have some fantastic cooks in Hash. Welcome done.

See you at McFanny’s next week.

Cheers

On On Breast Stroke

Run Date: 19th September 2016
Run No #1874
Hare: Teflon with Golly’s help for Run
Venue: 37 Mango Ave Eimeo
Hashers: 27

A rowdy bunch of 27 loyal hashers gathered at Teflon’s tropical residence at Eimeo, to discover that Golly had gallantly set a clearly-marked run on Teflon’s behalf.

The run which consisted of many twists & turns, meandering through mangroves, up hills & through dark tracks: proved to be both challenging & rewarding for the few that actually completed the entire run.  Good on ya Sweet Meats its easy seeing by the look of the ‘bod’ that you’re not afraid to put in the hard yards.

Disappointingly it appears that Golly joins the murky ranks of fellow Hashers Smegma & Hot Rooks ….. ” ï.e. lying bastards”. No sand? No hills? Not too long? Bullshit Golly! Raggedy Anne & others rerouted after the 2nd track led through mangroves you had to crawl under.

Flaps did a great job of filling in for our absent Monk; he managed to keep the flock in order while some pretty average jokes were bandied about & sniggered at.

Teflon did a great job of feeding the hordes of hungry Hashers. Copious amounts of curry chicken were consumed, which meant the writer missed out on left overs – Dam it!

On! On! Hooker

Run Date: 12th September 2016
Run No #1873
Hare: Zorro/Committee run
Venue: Mackay Fencing 72 Satellite Crescent Outer Harbour
Hashers: A whopping 34!

As we walked through the gates of Mackay Fencing we were pleasantly surprised to find Poppy’s Wood fired Pizzas setting up. Yum Yum!  Phil or Poppy was a Hasher so knew that Hashers would eat whatever was put in front of them, so with 34 people, we almost ate a whole pizza each with 28 pizzas consumed + garlic bread (or a couple in the end were stashed in Zorro’s fridge for his workers the next day) ….I think that beats Tonguer’s pizza numbers.

Order was called and Zorro sent us on our way. He then decided to do some moving around of ‘stuff’ so the 34 of us could fit in on our return. Everyone took their pace, went distances that suited their ‘sore bits’ but we all returned to the smell of those yummy pizzas.

Mango worked her little butt off getting all the $$$ sorted, so the circle could begin as we couldn’t be too long for Poppy had been given a 7.30pm start. The monk gave usual charges to Hare, but a few others copped a down down, Snot for being Snot, who then produced a toilet brush from his arse crack, god knows where that had been (had he found it on the run?) and then proceeded to push it in one of the ‘down down’ pewter mugs. Well that went down like a lead balloon and was immediately removed to the back so as not to confuse it with the other mugs. The monk continued ‘catching my eye’ with his jokes though.

2 birthdays were sung to and down downs – Blurry and Lassie. We welcomed Shannon who took a down down, friend of Cummalott and Jessica, Lassie’s daughter. The bestest award went to Tonguer for 1300 runs where he received a very impressive blue jacket. Good on you Tonguer. Well done.

Hash song sung with gusto and the pizzas just kept coming! Hooray for Poppy and we hope to see him next Monday night as a regular Hasher.

See you all next week at 37 Mango Ave Eimeo.

On On
Teflon

Run Date: 5th September 2016
Run No #1872
Hare: Drip Tray
Venue: Northview Gardens Park, Cnr  Schapers Road & Royal Boulevard, Glenella.
Hashers: 26

Hi you all

Well, about 20 plus people wearing all different club shirts from all around the country gathered at a kid’s playground in Northview Gardens to play on the play equipment, only to find the gates locked. WTF is with that!

Anyway, DT disguised as Knicka sent us on our way. Run went this way, and that way, who cares? Did I mention that the mighty Sydney Swans finished minor premiers yet again? Well they did, and I couldn’t even share the glory with Prick. Where is that lad, probably getting his tickets for the Grand Final. But I’m not doing that again, like in 2014 when this scribe bought flights to Melbourne, then went to the ticker tape parade. Woke up early GF day and walked around the MCG, not once, not twice, but yes 3 times, asking everyone for a ticket. To my relief, a Carlton Supporter who had a long season with no success was happy to off load his ticket for the princely sum of $500. Then I retired to Federation Square for some quite ales to wait for the game to start, only to be offered $1000 for the ticket prior to the bounce down, 🍺🍺 and I knocked it back. I then proceeded to watch my Swans get a proper flogging. Should have taken the cash! I see the Storm finished On Top but maybe the Cowboys might come good for back to back flags.

I love September, and then we were back at the playground enjoying beers.   A tad chilly but it was ok, no fire again WTF.

Circle called and the usual bad and poor taste jokes, until Delish put her hand up to try and tell a joke she had seen on faceless book. Added a few expletives which was part of the script but it came out alright, still enough for a down down.  Daffodil got one for joining the “old retired bastard’s brigade” he can now go to Executive lunch with all the other free loading bastards that live off my taxes.  Can’t remember anything else that was special, apart from Blurry going the grope on Delish from behind and saying “Guess Who “and she declared “Don’t care”.  Circle closed and into the nosh and more beers, wind was getting fucking cold so we packed up and pissed off.

Next week’s run from my work place so remember full hi vis, steel caps, JSA , WMS, take 5′ Slams etc. etc. bring a chair too.  I don’t have many of them, can’t have my workers sitting down even for crib.

On On Zorro

Run Date: 29th August 2016
Run No #1871
Hare: Piccolo
Venue: 82 Grendon St North Mackay
Hashers: 28 Lots

A new venue and lots of Hashers turned up for Piccolo’s first (virgin) run. Thank god for that, she has been as nervous as a virgin in a brothel for weeks about it.  A good 5 hours over three secessions was spent tromping all over North Mackay until she was finally satisfied. I blame “the Prick” for that, because he advised her make the run a hard one, “to make the bastards suffer”. Then didn’t turn up.  Monk please note.

At as close to 6.00 as it is possible with that rabble, the herd were sent off in two directions, runners one way, walkers the other, while there was still some daylight left to see the special features of a well thought out trail.  But as usual as soon as there was the slightest deviation from a super highway in the trail the first breakaway group wimped out and headed back home. Muttering of wimp’s, soft cocks and chicken were heard wafting  through the breeze behind them.

At this point a commendation of bravery for Mango, who is not happy with heights, ventured  onto the bridge anyway . Then when the brain started to take note of her surroundings special thanks to DT who leaping from girder to girder like a spider monkey assisted her safely to the other side.

Once all the Hashers were safely across the bridge back on trail, we then lost another splinter group, but  led by the intrepid Smegma the rest of us followed the trail over a small creek with its stone causeway, built by the industrious trail setters, through the old dump, onto Harbour road.   Only Raggedy Ann had a wobbly boot at the creek and ended up with one wet foot.

Back along Harbour road where 80% of drivers have no idea where the left hand side of their vehicle  is in relation to pedestrians, into Hamilton St then On Home.

Back at the Piccolo ranch, the fire was glowing, the beer was flowing and conversations were growing, when some basted interrupted everything  and called a circle. The hare’s were given down downs for setting an excellent run, I got another one I think for Alzheimer’s, DT for getting a new job, sane for Smegma I think, visitors for visiting and others but I can’t remember or was talking .

You only have two days to get discounted registration for beach party, but that finished Wednesday so forget that it’s too bloody late.  More prizes wanted for the raffle. Song sung circle closed. Thank Christ for that because that is all I can remember.

What I do remember is the food. Started  with homemade dips followed with Lasagne and curry and rice and topped off with apple pie and cream  Not a bad spread for someone who has been telling us for months that she doesn’t know how to cook.

After that sumptuous meal managed to waddle back to the Esky for one last beer probably bored the crap out of people because not long after every one On On’d   home.

Good run, good food, good night.

On On

Nicka