Run Date: 24th August 2020
Run No #2077
Hares: Raggedy Anne & Golly
Venue: 4 Trochus Court Shoal Point
Hashers: 25

 

The scenic peninsula upon which Shoal Point is situated provided the backdrop for what is probably the most northerly reach of the Hash run range.

The typically eager bunch of twenty or so aspirants gathered, eager to pit their rogaining skills against a masterful Golly who delights in seamlessly blending suburbia with the marine environment.

Golly issued some incoherent instructions to himself (as no-one was listening), before sending off the hapless throng into the darkness, with only partial expectation that all would return.

A false trail onto the eastern beach spilt the group. However, one way or another, most appeared to have navigated at least a portion of the set run.

Back in the circle, down-downs were given for a couple of visiting runners whose names escape me, but from memory, one was to do with copulating near water.

Two Moons made a triumphant return from a near-death episode and sought to share his moving experience with the group, but in true Hash belligerence, was told to fuck-off and got a down-down for his efforts.

Participants sang themselves hoarse with two successive Hash Birthdays to Tounger and Lady Teflon.

One of our visiting runners, whose name escapes me, drew Delicious’s raffle in favour of Two Moons – I guess it was some consolation for no-one giving a stuff about his well-being.  

Raggedy then lifted the lids on an impressive range of crock-pots filled with pulled chicken and pumpkin soup.

After we had our fill and flogged a few cans of grog from the esky, we all pissed-off home.

On On

Smut

       

    

 

 

Run Date: 17th August 2020
Run No #2076
Hare: Prick
Venue: BBQ area back of North Mackay Bowls Club
Hashers: 18

 

18 Hashers arrived for Pricks run from BBQ area, back of North Mackay Bowls Club, Great Run, walk, Jog, limp, around goose ponds and surrounding streets, Tarzan, Wheely and TopKnot some how got lost, but eventually found their way home, Prick served up some hot potatoes, and flaps had some dips and biscuits left over from TGIF,  Circle was called, few jokes, Down Downs for JCF for no hash attire, returning Tourist Tongue, Hashy Birthday for Teflon, who was absent.

Hash song, then circle closed, Hash Nosh was served yummy beef stew, well done Prick, another great night of hashing, See you at our house next week, On On Raggedy Ann

Run No: #2075
Hare :   Hooker.
Venue:  Margaret Whoever Street.
Date: 10th August 2020

 

22 runners lined up at Hooker’s place. Eager to run they could be barely held back and bolted for the fray. The trail led thro the backstreets of North Mackay, close by the creek. Then on along the bike path, over Windmill Crossing and on down the path to Magpies. The trail went across the road but then fizzled. Some went on to Heaths Road, while others simply headed on back and followed the creek to the Shopping Centre near Hardly Normal and on home.

On home we were greeted with a great fire courtesy of Corgi, and spuds in butter 

This was followed by the circle, some good jokes, the Hash song, and then pumpkin soup and fresh bread. 

A good night all round. 

On on, Prick.

Run Date: 3rd August 2020
Run No #2074
Hare: Flaps
Venue: 17 Jarrah Street Andergrove
Hashers: 22

 

Roll call noted 22 Hashers made the effort to meet at 17 Jarrah Street to celebrate the culinary skills of ‘Flaps’ one of our 2 Hash Master Chefs. 

Of course NOWHERE near 22 of you lazy lot bothered to do the run so diligently & distinctly  marked  – 

Well to tell the truth, Flaps you’ve always been one of my ‘fav’s’; a fellow hasher that I see as trustworthy……………   Well dam! Because it’s my walk next week & this report, I thought I’d extend myself to do the whole run for a change. I will admit the piss-stop was refreshing & delicious.

However, bloody hell Flappsy, I’ll never trust you again! 1 hour & 10 minutes later I returned foot/knee sore & throat hoarse from whinging for the last 20 minutes. Thanks Teflon & Penny – I couldn’t have done it without you!

Acting Monk Zorro did a good job keeping things rolling with the usual crap. Thanks Zorro, good to see you contribute something, seeing as you don’t come for the exercise (the whole point of hash I thought?)

There were the usual down-downs including one for my birthday – oh & thanks Pensioner for drawing everyone’s attention to that for me ………..NOT! Jokes ummmmmm what’s happening on this front, could we make a bit of an effort to contribute here – it’s sad when we come to actually missing Pea Beau’s dreadful attempts at humour.

Everyone was glad to hear the end of the club hash song, to get into what we were all secretly  salivating about (especially the late arrival, non-walking bastards ) ….Flaps amazing food

Flaps you never disappoint. Dinner was amazing as was your wonderful fire.

Hash is at my place next week. See you all there! Hopefully I’ll remember and turn up on time! and maybe I’ll even be there when you all arrive! 

On On 

Hooker 

 

Run Date: 27th July 2020
Run No #2073
Hare: Streaker
Venue: 5/3 Hunter Street West Mackay
Hashers: 23

Monday nights are they just the best. Hashing.

23 hashers gathered at the grand master’s ( or is that mattress) place of residence for a gentle stroll through the streets of West Mackay. The hare then gave out the instructions, the trail was set using four white paws and two black shoes. Off along Hunter street then on to Nebo Road where everyone made it safely across the road.

Streaker had a surprise for everyone along the way. Was it a replica of the Taj Mahal, a three story  Georgian manor, no it was something far more exciting, a new set of traffic lights on Milton Street, the wonders of modern technology.

I thought someone was lost, or the police were checking we were social distancing as there was a helicopter flying around most of the night, as it turned out it was neither, just someone getting in a bit of practice flying at night.

Everyone made it back safely, Quickie got the fire going and everyone sat around keeping warm,  thanks to Corgi for the wood.

Down Down was given to the hare after much toing and froing from the kitchen to turn off the smoke alarm, lucky Streaker’s son was there to fix the problem. The bar b que was set alight and Hooker proceeded to cook the sausages under difficult circumstances, very little light and trouble with the gas, but thanks to Streaker’s son again the sausages and onions were under way.

Jokes were told, down downs given to Half a Boat, picked up the rum balls from Delicious’s place on Friday night, but then forgot them on Saturday morning and had to go back from City Gates to home to retrieve them. Zorro for going to get his special lighter to light the fire but ended up somewhere else, I think it was the Shamrock hotel. Quickie got one (a down down) for being a visiting hasher.

The song was sung and the circle closed. Out came the sausages, onions, bread and various sauces, back to the good old days. I was still disappointed there was no corned meat, however I have been assured there will be next time.

I want to thank the committee for a great weekend down at Clairview, everyone had a great time and looking forward to next year.

On on to 17 Jarrah Street next week. Flaps

 

  

Social weekend – Christmas in July 24-26th July

 

 

 

    

        

     

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Run Date: 20th July 2020
Run No #2072
Hare: Wombat
Venue: 8 Hokin Street Glenella
Hashers: 17

 

Wombat welcomed us all with open arms as we strolled up the side to where she had the fire ready to go. Just need a helping hand to chop some wood where a couple of able-bodied Hashers were only too delighted to be of help and show their masculinity off. We welcomed Knicka and Piccolo (cannot keep a good Hasher down) GM had kindly picked them both up. Knicka had some rather interesting artwork on his shirt too that he had resurrected from the hospital where they had literally cut it off him the prior week. 

Out the front just after 6pm Wombat gave her instructions and we dispersed, around the burbs of Glenella, past Tonguer’s place. Pit stop at Wombat’s daughter’s place and On Home to where the fire was raging! BUT ALAS NO PISS!! What has Hash come to! Zorro saved the evening and quickly went and bought supplies much to the relief of the thirsty mob.

Tarzan called the circle and Flaps took the stance for the first story. Something about him being a Virgin and then mixed that up with talking about his wife but the marriage but not have been consummated at that stage! Jokes and charges called for to add to the evening’s entertainment until it was ‘Award time’

Cap for 50 runs for Wheelie (not impressed with his cap – doesn’t wear caps and no way was that hat going on his head!, although Streaker persevered to get a photo) 

400 runs for Golly – well he wore the pants over his head like a Burqua. 

& a special cap for Knicka which was to replace one stolen and not returned many years ago. It was called ‘The Swan Dive Award’

Raffle drawn by Delicious and would you believe Knicka won the $50 voucher from Dan Murphy! Might help dull some of the pain from those broken ribs!

Wombat then made a dart for the kitchen and brought out the Hash Nosh, well prepared Savoury mince with rice, but wait there was more. Wombat knows how to spoil us Hashers, she then served individual Banana Cakes with custard. Long live Hash! 

On On to Clairview over the weekend and then On On to GM’s for next week’s run. 

Teflon

   

    

Run Date: 13th July 2020
Run No #2071
Hare: Piccolo 
Venue: 82 Grendon Street North Mackay
Hashers: 25

 

Twenty five eager souls gathered under the impressive shadow of Piccolo’s towering Queenslander as the night air grew heavier and colder.

After much filibustering and posturing, a few reluctant reprobates dragged themselves away from the fire pit to mill around Piccolo’s driveway entrance like a bunch hapless water buffalo wallowing in a top-end rainstorm in readiness to receive their written instructions.

Whilst Piccolo’s distribution of her eight envelopes of run instructions could hardly be called strategic nor military like, but none the less, it was achieved (eventually).

Run directions given were clear and straight forward which resulted in a relatively uneventful yet moderately lengthy run, and that’s where the uneventfulness ended.

A circle was formed before JCF, sporting a raft of lower-leg injuries, apparently suffered while attempting to negotiate the hard flat surface of Piccolo’s driveway, arrested Monk duties off Tarzan. JCF’s Norman Gunstan-like performance was occasionally punctuated by activities such as a welcome to some new runners, a down-down for a visiting runner – Weak as Piss (who has apparently had more Hash names than Pharlap had starts) plus Streaker got in on the act momentarily and furnished JCF with some tie-on shlong.

No sooner than an excruciatingly poor rendition of the club song was finished, Nicker Licker, as part of his taper for selection into the dive team for the up-coming Tokyo Olympics, launched himself from Piccolo’s internal staircase and performed a double summersault finished off with a triple pike while holding a large crockery dish full of Hash nosh. Whilst a fiercely impressive human physical feat, it was the sound effects emanating from his attempt at such a difficult maneuver that caught every ones attention.

The loud bang certainly aroused the attention of a large ferocious-looking white dog, who bounded out of a lower floor door, briefly gazed left at some very tasty offerings on the floor at the base of the staircase, but out of his right eye, caught a glimpse of salt and pepper fluffy poodles, who he considered would go very nice as a garnish on top of the recently presented smorgasbord- a couple of nervous moments until the said white dog was corralled back inside.

Meanwhile, the Hash Emergency Response Team sprang into action with military-like precision, and instantaneously, 24 mobile phones jammed the emergency services number in an effort to call an ambulance  – would have been 25 if Nicker Licker could have found his phone, but it is speculated that during his unorthodox decent of the stairs, his phone got jammed up his arse.

Successful contact was finally made with QAS and a unit was dispatched. In the meantime, Nicker was ably assisted by a number of capable bodies including Top Knot and Half-a-Boat. The injured party was eventually evacuated from the site and taken to the local hospital to have his mobile phone surgically removed from his arse.

Good to see Hash keeps on giving!!

Smut

 

Run Date: 6th July 2020
Run No #2070
Hare: Prick 
Venue: 5/1 Kenzey St Mt Pleasant
Hashers: 16 ish

I think 16  Hashers gathered at Pricks place (hard to tell, because whenever I tried to count them, the women were pissing off to the dunny because of the cold & others  to the piss truck parked in the next suburb)

As you have probably gathered by now, Piccolo is not the author of this trash, because the mammary mafia  banded together to excuse her of the ornery task of  not talking long enough to actually  observe what else was going on. ( Don’t give me that shit about multy  tasking.)  So muggings here got shafted. Now it’s payback time.

As is the case lately a fire is the order of the day so as everyone arrived they did a little circle of the warmth  to await the mysteries of  the evening shuffle. As is also the case at this time the quality of the wood being burnt is discussed, and the  usual two groups formed,  1 ;  is it safe no chemicals   2 ;  who gives a shit    The second group must have won because it took Prick till 6.10 to get everyone away from the fire to the start.

The start !  that is almost as much as I know about the trail.  After  confidently following the trail down Kenzey St we walked into the never never and wandered around aimlessly doing a perfect imitation of the “Where The Fuck Are We Tribe” until we gave up and went back to the fire and booze.  NATURALLY

Back at the on on  we were spun a story by two  suspect characters about them finding & following the trail Prick on hearing this backed them up insinuating the trail was set perfectly and gaining brownie points with the “GM” and the person  he expected to write the run report  HaHa  HeHe  (2020 strikes again)  A perfect example of never letting the truth get in the way of a good story and the dangers of handballing the writing of the Hash Trash,

After warming  up and cooling down (fire and cold booze) the circle was called and Prick was called to task, me for getting a year older, Baagoose & Half a boat for hiding the top of their heads and the naming of  “topknot” .  The usual hash info and Delicious once again hell bent on ripping off our money in the guise of a raffle.  Song sung, Circle closed, and a stampede to the nosh of pies & pea’s    

      

 

 Great Hash night, lots of lies between friends

Next week at Piccolo’s

On On. Nicka.

Run Date: 29th June 2020
Run No #2069
Hare: Half a Boat 
Venue: 12 David Muir Street Slade Point
Hashers: 20 ish

22 Hashers gathered at Half-a-Boat’s shed to celebrate EOFY, dominated by the re-appearance of a tanker that he obviously hadn’t finished playing with, so, seeing as the shed was strewn with assorted tools, we had to make do with sitting outside around a blazing fire. Since there was more than the prescribed 20 at the gathering, we formed 2 groups, one with 20, the other with 2 miserable souls who were banished to the periphery with the mozzies and doggie-do.

Eventually Halfa called us to the front gate and mumbled something about marks and signs and sand and mud and who knows what else, before we stumbled off into the night. Nothing exciting happened until all members re-appeared at the shed, and got down to the serious business of sipping beers, whilst Chopstix slaved away in the kitchen van, rustling up some grub for later.

After the cash was collected Tarzan called the circle to order, and dispensed a down-down to the hare for setting such a marathon, and proceeded to call for jokes (none) or stories (several) including some long-winded ramblings from Baagoose, a re-hashed yarn from Flaps, and a terrible tale of major motorcycle mayhem from yours truly.

The monk disappeared for a while, only to reappear in full monk regalia, and proceeded to call forth Ross (Delicious’ playmate) for a christening. It seems Ross has somewhat of a major brewing operation at his home, producing kegs of beer and kegs of spirits. Henceforth, he will be known as Distillery.

WheelieBin received a downdown for becoming Uncle to Fill de Jaw’s little (large, 8.5lb) man Noah. Wheelie also demonstrated his personal social distancing, by cheerfully hugging anyone within reach. JCF also got a free drink, because, well, he likes free drinks. There may have been other charges, but I forgot.

With no further business to conduct, the Monk led a lusty rendition of the song, before closing the circle. We then fell upon the delicio offerings from Annie’s Kitchen, rice and 3 assorted Chinese concoctions, which were quickly devoured by the ravenous mob. After that, there was nothing to do except slurp more beer and talk more shit….. and then wander off into the night.

All-in-all, a great Hash night.

See y’all next week at Prick’s.

On On. Pensioner.